pool of thoughts :)

Inspired by the notorious MckMama.  She does these great posts called "Stream of Consciousness" where she just writes random things.  Nothing flows, but they're very informative posts, and they're good for Saturday nights when you've had a margarita. 

 Our neighborhood had a "block party" garage sale.  It was awesome.  We loaded the kids in the wagon and hit up all the garages.  We found Henry some Thomas stuff and a set of BEEEA-UTIFUL bamboo/wicker tables.  I'm the only person on the planet not seeing "The Hunger Games" this weekend.  BOO.  My parents watched the kids tonight so Ryan and I could go out for dinner.  Out of all the places in St. Augustine to go, we picked Mango, Mangos.  Typical.  We go there almost every weekend.  But its consistently good.  And its right on the ocean.  Instead of coming home with the rest of the fam, Maeve chose to stay with Nana... they're going to the 9:40 showing of "The Lorax." haha- good luck with that Mom!  I am 10- TEN FLIPPING pounds away from my goal weight.  How can this be???  I feel like I've ben dieting and nursing for months... 7 months to be exact.  Speaking of a certain 7 month old... we've got a mover.  She is such a spitfire.  And (obviously) I can't predict the future, but  I'm fairly sure I'm going to have my hands full with her.  She's developing some crazy, curly, strawberry blond hair; that's gotta be trouble, right? :)  I made a "wish" list last night.  Amung my "wishes" a new bed (ours is two seconds away from collapsing), a new lens (85mm/1.8) an external flash, an iphone or some kind of new phone that will hold a battery charge for more than 30 minutes... anyways long story short, my wishlist added up to a staggering amount.  My only hope is the lottery.  Last week I did play the Florida Powerball (40 mill!) and matched 2 numbers.  My heart stopped when it was the first 2 numbers.  Unfortunately the last 3 were not.  Not matches, that is.  Double boo.  We went to the beach yesterday (during the day).  This is rare for us during the week.  The beach is hard with little ones, therefore I usually save beach trips for when I have my wingman along.  Friday though, marked a special day; my sister meghan was leaving for MS (actually she's leaving for EUROPE) so we had a "good bye" party for her at the beach.  Everyone (minus Ryan) was there.  Even my dad.  Speaking of my dad... I had a conversation with him that I can't get off my mind.  We were standing there in this warm little tide pool, watching Maeve and Henry frolic around.  Stella, in my arms was snoozing.  Things were pretty much perfect.  I was daydreaming about baby names (I know- I have an obsession with names).  I told my dad if I had a girl, I'd name her _____ and if I had a boy I'd name him ______.  And he said, "Why does that matter?  You have 3 kids."  And thus began the discussion of large families versus small families.  I come from a huge family.  (well I think its huge).  My dad was from an even bigger family.  I've always thought I, myself would have a big family.  Apparently, with the stinking economy, the more kids you have, the more strain and stress on your finances?!  Well... again, this is according to my dad.  And yes, he does speak some truth here.  Kids are SO expensive (did you know you have to feed them?  Like every day- they eat..;).  But I met this woman the other day, at none other than Chick-fil-A.  She was a mom of SEVEN.  SEVVVVVEN children!  And had one on the way.  Her flock was sitting around a table, nicely eating their lunch.  My four year old was wrestling with some kids in the playroom, my two year old was picking fries off the floor and my baby, well, my baby was just hanging out... still, you get the picture.  I asked her "How do you do it?  I mean, how do you physically, emotionally, financially do it?"  She was so sweet and told me a bit about their life style, and she also told me this Irish proverb:  "With every child born, comes a loaf of bread."  (or something like that... I can't remember exactly what she was saying because I was trying to keep ice cream from ending up in my ear...) basically, God always provides.  So the next time I have the money argument with my dad, I'm going to reassure him that whether we're a family of 5 or 15 (I have an intuition it will be much closer to the number 5 ;), we'll be okay.  Wow that was a long thought cloud...  Glorious weather has hit the south.  I mean, really, its pretty much always glorious.  But its been just perfect.  I told Ryan I felt like I was immersed in a "pool" of weather.  I know.  That makes as much sense as having ice cream in my ear.  I was trying to say that the weather felt like a second skin- sooooo comfortable and lovely.  We've had the windows open in our condo/apartment/whatever-the-heck this thing is.  Hey- did you know Florida has lots of creepy crawlers?  Yes, yes, they seem to reside here.  And they seem to like our house.  I swear if I pull one more lizard out of my sliding door I'm going to hurl.  I'll save you the gory details, but basically, a lizard (SOMEHOW?!?!) makes its way into our house, and sits in the grooves of our slider door.  I don't notice said lizard until its...too late.  And then, well, I'm making up stories about biology and lizard body parts.  But I can't say "I just smashed the lizard and this is his leg, and now I'm going to chuck him out the window."  See how wonderful this long thought pool is?  I can just keep going and going!  Actually, I can't.  I'm getting super sleepy.
 I hope you enjoyed my pool of thoughts.  I hope you found your way out of them! :) 

Have an awesome Sunday! :D
(we have a lunch date with my grandma...:) yayyyy!

bittersweet.

This is going to be the most confusing post ever.  But I'm posting it more for my benefit than anything else.  So... whateves ;)

Bittersweet.

That word sums up my feelings about coming back to Jackson.

As I'm writing this, my eyes are stinging from the tears about to spill out.

A hundred times a day, I look around me and think, "How did we get here?  Is this really my life?  Am I having a play date in March at the beach?"

Life is great.  Amazing.  And so, so beautiful down here.  But... its not Jackson.  Hold on- don't shake your head in disbelief.  I am living proof, as a one time Jacksonian- the grass is not always greener on the other side.

With that said, would I ever move back to Jackson?  No.  Heck to the no.  But not because of reasons you'd think.  A year ago, I'd say "I am getting out of this black hole!  I can't wait to start over!"  And in reality, that's what I miss so dearly about Jackson.  The whole "not-starting-over" thing. 

What we left behind, and what we gave up to move here... its mind blowing.  And the pessimistic side of me cannot help but to ask every single day, "was it worth it?"

Most days, I say yes.  But there are times when I want Jackson like an old, cozy blanket. 

I can't say enough good things about my friends down here;  God has surely put these ladies in my life for a reason.  They are some of the most positive, generous, sweet women I've ever met.  And I am so thankful they've taken me into their "groups."  But it doesn't make missing my Michigan friends and family any less.

And then there's the house.  I miss my house.  We get letters from the bank and attorneys and courts, etc.  almost weekly.  Every letter is like a little dig.  I don't want to know anything about "our" house.  I want to picture it like it looked a year ago.  Still full.  Full of us, and all our stuff.  The bird.  Haha- the dang bird!  We've now dug ourselves into a 3 year credit hole... basically, it means our credit will not rebound from the foreclosure for 3 years.  Was it worth that???  Should we have stayed and tried to sell our house?  Should Ryan have turned down the Jacksonville job in June and held out for something else?  I don't know.

I have this flood of memories hit me every night as I'm trying to fall asleep.  They're super random; but oh-so-sweet:  Nightly trips to Coldstone when I was pregnant with Henry.  Nightly trips to Maggie Moos when I was preggo with Maeve.  (I like ice cream a lot:)  That first nice day of spring.  Ryan and I walking the kids around the neighborhood.  Breaking ground on our house- I have a picture of that day.  Just Maeve and I grocery shopping at Meijers.   And a million more.

I don't have memories like that about here... about life in St. Augustine.  Of course I have the incredible memories of Stella's birth, but I feel like life down here (so far) has been about Ryan and I trying to dig our way out of the mess we left behind (that has now followed us) and trying to start a new one (new LIFE- not new mess!).  But what happens when you loved your old life???  No.  I did NOT love the weather.  And NO... Jackson is not where I wanted to raise my kids.  But I loved our LIFE there.  Does that make sense?

Onward and upward is on constant repeat in my head.  There is no going back.  There is no starting over.  There isn't the option of selling our house, or waiting for a different job.  We took the leap.  This is it.  The loss of control I feel/have felt over the past year is indescribable.  Maybe that's why I haven't blogged a whole lot.  I can't find the words to write?

Who knows... but these are gnawing thoughts that I have and it feels good to get them out. 

I guess.... my whole point with this is... if I could go back and talk to the "old" me- the "me" a year ago from now-I'd say,  "Ashley.  You are 27 years old.  A year or two of trying to sell the house may seem like a million years, but its not.  A year or two of Ryan getting some good accounting experience under his belt in Michigan may seem pointless, but its not.  A year or two of being away from mom and dad may seem endless, but its not." 

There are so many things I MIGHT have done differently.  And the endless repeat of these scenarios and thoughts are weighing me down.

This is a bit of a tough season in our life right now.  But I have faith that we'll get through this, and be better for it on the other side.

That's all... the end... goodnight :)

Tuesday by the Numbers

4... the number of kidney stones that are bouncing around in my left kidney.
5... the number of doctors appointments I've gone to this past week.
3... the number of 6.99 protien shakes I've gotten at smoothie king ($21.00 on smoothies?? OUCH...)
2....the number of hours my two youngins had to sit in the car while big sis danced this morning. 
2...the number of times we watched Lilo and Stitch while in said car, waiting for said sissy to finish.
1...awesome snippet of news I recieved today... :D
9... hours spent in the ER last Tuesday...because of those 4 kidney stones.
0...the patience I have for ER doctors and ER's.  Unless something is falling off, I am not going to an ER.
8...the time of my very (very) early appointment for the kids' tomorrow. 
500000+/-...the number of times I've put Henry in time out today.
2.... hours until Stella wakes up and is ready for her midnight snack. (eyeyeye...this chick needs to sleep through the night.)
10... the number of days until DISNEY :D
5... the number of kids I want to have
5...the amount of seconds it takes for me to realize five kids would put me in the looney bin.


that's all I got for tonight.

BUT- I do want to say/ask- if you are a MckMama fan (I am a semi-fan...) you've got to read her blog.  Crazy things are happening over there and it sounds as though she and those precious kids could use some prayers.  Apparently there is a lot of controversy if any of what MckMama writes about is even true, but if the latest is indeed true, this family needs prayers. :(

fact.

• fact.  I just booked our Disney vacay for 2012.  Yes. Yes. Yes.
• fact.  I think I might have the stomach flu.  Bleccchhh.
• fact.  April/May cannot come soon enough- I want out of this apartment.
• fact.  Stella's crib is filled with laundry.  (no worries- she's not in there ;)
• fact.  I used 30 percent of our grocery budget this week so I could spend the remaining 70% on some "must have" items at Target... (rolling my eyes)
• fact.  I can only muster up the brain power for bullet point posts.
• fact.  I need to get thicker skin.
• fact.  I think the dentist forgot a sliver of tooth or something- I've got this sharp little thing poking in my wisdom tooth hole.
• fact.  I miss my sister. {meghan}
• fact.  Ryan's doing the dishes... and I'm blogging.  I'm so thankful for an amazing husband :)
• fact.  Maeve told me today, (after I took the toothpaste away from Henry) "That was mean of you to take that.  And that's the problem I have right now with you."    whaaattt???
• fact.  I really miss Lola! 
• fact. God has a reason for me to be here. (here- in Saint Augustine)- I've always thought that, but the feeling has been stronger lately.  Like I am really finding my footing... figuring some things out, seeing an amazing, brilliantly, bright future.  The people I've met, the places I've been, have all brought so much peace into my life. 
• fact.  As much as I love our life here in the tropics... I miss my good mama friends sooooo badly!!!
• fact.  I'm going to bed :)

sundayfunday bullets.

• I got a tan today.  No, really... I did.  We went to the beach for a few hours today, and I have tan lines... and its January 10th.
• I had an AWESOME senior photo session with such a beautiful girl today. 
• Speaking of photography... let me go on a little schpeel here... rewind 3 years ago... I got a canon rebel.  I think the first day I got it, I shot everything on automatic...with the horrid flash.  Discouraged that my photos weren't looking like fellow photogs, I put the camera down for a few days.  Then I got a visit from Suzie (a great photog friend).  She told me to set the dial to manual.  And never change it.  Learn about ISO.  Learn about shutter speed.  Learn about depth of field.  And I did.  I would never, EVER say I know it all when it comes to photography, or that my photos are so great- but I am happy (most of the time) with the work I do.  And being able to say that... is a lot.  I am not sure why its such a fierce industry to get into.  I can't tell you the amount of times I have cried, feeling so defeated.  The truth is, its a great, big, HUGE world out there.  And there's enough room for everyone- I promise!  You, me, your brother- we can all be "photographers."  And we can all be nice!  And helpful!  It won't devalue my work.  It won't make my work any less beautiful.  Because I can say with confidence, that I am happy, pleased, proud of the pictures I take.  And therefore, if someone chooses to hire me as a photographer for $100.00, that's fabulous!  And exciting for me!  And if someone chooses to hire you for $30.00, that's fabulous too!  And I'm happy for you!  And if someone hires a photographer for $500.00, that's great!  I'm happy for them as well.  The point being, is, this is art people.  Everyone has a different eye.  Everyone has a different outlook on it.... and lets move on.  :)
• Stella's getting too big.  I started her on rice cereal today.  WTH.  Can we rewind to August???
• Ryan must have bumped his head on something- today while walking on the beach, with me pulling the wagon, filled with Henry and Stella, and Maeve running along side us, Ryan said, "Look babe!  I've got room for one more on my back!" -gesturing to the backpack carrier (that was empty because Henry opted for the wagon).  So then I said, "and look!  I could wear a baby in the front with the bjorn!"  Okay... so we both must have bumped our heads on something ;)
• Valentines day is approaching... and I am excited to say its my fave. holiday... (well besides Christmas).  I LOVE V-DAY!!!!  Maybe because everything is pink and sparkly... but whatever, its a fab holiday and I have a whole list of lovey dovey activities for the kids!
• We found an AWESOME babysitter!  YAYYYYY!  This has been heavy on me lately!  My mom is our go-to sitter, but she is crazy busy.  I wanted/needed a sitter who could watch the kids during the day if I had a doctors appointment or a photography session or something.  My mom introduced me to a super nice girl at church, who happens to be home schooled (so she's free during the days!!!) and she has a little sis that is Maeve's age.  We had her sit last night for us, and she brought her sister- Elise and Maeve played like best friends all night!  And Sydney (the sitter) did a great job with putting Henry down.  I cannot tell you how good it feels to have a solid sitter! 
• Last thing on the list... I am in the 120's again!  YAYYYYY!!!  I wore my pre-Henry jeans to dinner last night!  And then I ate nachos and Buffalo wings... :/  mehhh.

Alright- have a good week everyone!!!

Sunday Night Bullets.

• Hey!  Remember that big long post about all those things I was going to blog about?  I failed.  Really, really failed.
• Henry has been running fevers so randomly.  He'll be good for a few days and then all of a sudden run a low grade fever, get fussy, take a nap, and wake up fine.  That's bizarre isn't it?  If anyone has any idea what this could be- or if we should take him to the doc, message me!
• My grandma FINALLY got to come home from the hospital.  After a bazillion (or something) misdiagnoses, they finally did exploratory surgery, and found a huge mass in her small bowel.  They removed 6 inches of her intestine and a few days later, she was well enough to come home!  She's doing really well- her follow up is next week- crossing our fingers the mass is nothing more than just a benign fibroid tumor.
• Speaking of my amazing grandma... we had "grandma" Christmas last night.  We gave her our gifts (she didn't want to do any kind of celebrating in the hospital- she had tubes down her throat and nose- and was miserable) and she gave us ours.  Drumroll please..... grandma, got our family (Ryan, the kids and I) one HUGE gift this year... a 4 day trip to Disney in September!!!  I was SO excited opening that card!  When we got home last night, I hopped right on the computer, looking at hotels... we've got it narrowed down to "The Art of Animation" resort (BRAND new- it opens in June and is a value resort!! If you're a Florida resident, rooms start at 79 a night ;) or the Port Orleans Riverside resort.  I think the kids would like the animation one better, but Port Orleans is closer to the parks... hmm... anyways, we are so excited, so thankful and SO blessed to have such an amazing gigi/grandma! :)
• I seem to have an unnatural obsession with Chickfila.  It's out of control.  I don't have pregnancy to blame it on either... so really- my habit is disgusting.  But I bought FIVE cow calenders (for those who don't know what a cow calender is- its a chick-fila calender with coupons for free items)  Anyways, I'm stocked up on free nuggets, shakes and fries for the year... blah!  
• Today I had the best pedicure of my life!  Not only was it really good (the massage, the nail painting, etc.) but it was CHEAP- 24 bucks!  I was so excited :)  My toe nails are painted purple though- which I thought was cute... Ryan thinks they look like kid nails.  But the title of the polish was "prosperous purple"- I thought that was very fitting for a New Year pedicure! 
• This week marks the start of a very, very, long work week for Ryan.  That makes me sad for 2 reasons.  #1, I know he's going to be exhausted working 10 hour days... and #2, the kids and I are already missing him!  I have activities lined up for this week, in an attempt to keep the kids busy and occupied.  The temps are lowwww for the next 2 days, so it looks like we'll be inside.  I went to the dollar store and spent 35 bucks on sensory bins.  I'm so excited to make them tonight!  We're doing alphabet soup, gardening, creepy bugs, pirate and under the sea bins.  (one a day)
• Publix is THE BEST.  Do you know they sell soup bread bowls (for $1.80) that are better than Paneras?  Tis true, tis true my friends.  They also sell chocolate covered strawberries and cake pops.   
• Let's see... my little miss Stella is 5 months old.  Howwwww???  Baby time flies too fast.  I've already declared to anyone who cares to listen that whether Ryan likes it or not, I WILL have a 4th baby! haha ;)  Hopefully Ryan will be on board, otherwise this baby idea of mine won't be possible. ;)   I'm pretty confident that once Stella enters school, he'll be having baby fever.  Plus, with all 3 kids in school all day, what in the world would I do with myself?  Why of COURSE I'd need another baby! ;)
• I also want a white kitten with blue eyes. 
• Yes, I might be losing my mind ;)

Goodnight- and have a good week everyone!! :D

friday night leftovers...

• no joke- I have 4 posts that are drafts- I can't seem to finish them.  They're all semi-serious posts. I get about half way through them and hit a road block.  It's driving me insane.
• I got the nicest compliment about my photography today.  It's awesome hearing that someone thinks my "work" (or whatever you want to call it) is good. 
• I had my first playdate down here!  What a big step, huh?  :)  No really, it felt wonderful.  Besides the fact, that the playdate was with a girl who only has one, very well behaved daughter and I brought all 3 of my insanos.  I'm sure I scared her out of having anymore kids.  But it was fun and Kristy (my playdate friend) is about the nicest lady EVER.  Really- sweet doesn't even begin to describe her. 
• Ooooh another high point of the week- I went to a Young Life silent auction/dinner.  I had donated a photography session and a $25.00 print package, so I was invited to the dinner... anyways I was terrified nobody would bid on my item.  However, not only was it bidded on, but it was one of the higher priced items :)  I was  so excited!
• slowly but surely, I think I'm losing weight... just a pound every week or so, but I guess that's the way it should be done.  I'd like to snap my fingers and have it all be gone now... but, whatever.
• the weather down here is delightful.  There is no other way to put it :)  It's that perfect 80 degree weather.  SO lovely :)
• We're planning a trip up to Michigan in June for Ryan's brother's wedding and I am already dreading the drive.  But I'm SO excited to see friends!!! :) 
• My mom asked what Ryan and I wanted for Christmas the other day and I think I've decided to ask for Disney gift cards.  For all of us.  Even the kids.  I want to see if we can collect enough to purchase a disney vacay (which yes, you can do with gift cards).  I'm figuring it will take a Christmas, an anniversary and a couple of birthdays... but I think its a good idea :)
• Its the Pirate festival this weekend here in St. Augustine- yes- you read right, the PIRATE festival.  Everyone in town is dressed like a flipping pirate.  It's entertaining for sure.  We went out for pizza tonight and Henry had a pirate sword.  Every time we saw a pirate he'd say "arghhh!" 
• I got a new lens!  YAYYYYY!  It's a canon 50mm/1.4.  I like just looking at it :)
• One of the strangest things about living down here (versus living in Jackson) is going to Target (for example) and thinking I see someone I know.  Today, at the studio I caught the back of someone walking in and thought it was my aunt Trish.  I did a double take and then did the whole "it can't be aunt Trish- she's in Michigan...I'm here."  Anyways, its just weird.  I miss running into familiar people.
• I think I forgot to blog about our little run in with the St. John's county animal control?  Yes?  Well... I'll tell you about it now... when we first moved down (within the first few weeks?)  Lola got off the leash.  All dogs must be leashed at ALL times.  It was an accident- but of course, the one time Lola escapes off the leash, 2 white poodles are being walked by our condo.  She ran over and barked at them... she may have "boxed" at them a time or two.   Their owner flipped out.  She called animal control and a deputy showed up at our door the next day with a warning.  Thank you Lola... Reason #405050 you make my life difficult.
• my first photo session is tomorrow and I'm NERVOUS!  Say a prayer that all goes well and I start out down here with a bang!  :)  We certainly need it. 

Take care & have a good weekend y'all!

(private) leftovers? ;)

This could very well be the most random list of thoughts I've ever blubbered out. 

• I have never seen more transients in my life.  This town is filled with pan handlers on every street corner.  It's completely heartbreaking.  I've heard they (homeless) come to Florida because of the weather.  Anyways, the other day I was at a red light (literally there is a pan handler at all the major intersections in town).  It was raining, and the man looked emaciated.  No pan handler looks like they're doing very well, but this one looked especially down and out.  And of course the rain didn't help.  As I'm sitting at the light, a police man swerves over to the man.  I'm not sure what was said exactly, but it was obvious the cop wanted him to move.  The man picked up his milk crate that he was using as a seat, his back pack, and his sign and trudged behind a building.  It's been 2 days and I am still haunted by this.  Where did he go?  It was pouring rain and the one place he chose to sit at, he was told to leave.  Ugh.  So sad.  :( 
• My heart palps are back with a vengeance.
• I had a playdate this week!  YAY!!!  Making friends, making friends ;)
• I also did a bit of networking with my photography.  TWO wonderful organizations (Good News Church and Young Life) are auctioning off a session and a print credit.  I am hoping this will get my name out into the community!
• Last night I had a dream that I saw my papa.  He passed a LONG time ago (I think its been about 14 years now- which is completely crazy).  In my dream he was just there- he looked the same as the last time I saw him and I was me (today).  I ran up to him and gave him the biggest hug and just cried into him, saying "I miss you so much!  I miss you so much!"  I woke up from it with that weird feeling that dreams can sometimes give you.  I was telling Ryan about it tonight and completely burst into tears.  How strange... anyways, I can't stop thinking of it.
• Stella now smiles all the time.  I cannot believe how quickly two months have flown by. 
• I wish photography wasn't so expensive.  Right now on my wishlist is a Canon 50d ($1300) and a 50mm/1.4 ($400).  Oh and about a million other lenses that cost oodles of money we don't have.
• ORLANDO TOMORROW!!! YAY!!!  DISNEY! :)
• Henry's out of his cast.  His arm looks a little funky to me, but apparently its good to go.  He won't use it at all though- it hangs limp as he runs aorund. 
• I'm on the 3rd book of the Hunger Games and I have to say its a really slowwwww read.  Strange since the first 2 books, I flew through.  Someone tell me the 3rd one gets better?

mish mash.

(just like friday night leftovers... except not.  Because its Tuesday.  Not Friday.  Get it?)

• Life is hard at the moment.  There's no sugar coating the fact that I feel like the CRAPPIEST mother on the planet.  Here's the deal:  There is not enough of me to go around.  Or, maybe there is, I just can't figure out how to do it, which makes me feel even crappier. 
• the beach was amazing tonight.  There must have been a storm, because the entire beach was covered with GIANT jelly fish.  It was so awesome.  I wish I had pictures to show you....but...
• ...BUT that leads me into my next bullet- my freaking rebel broke.  Bad doesn't begin to describe my mood. 
• I watched the season finale of "Kate + 8" last night.  Thank GOD she's gone from the world of television.
• It's my birrrrrfffday this weekend!  YAY!  So far, plans are a dinner date on Friday at Ryan and I's fave place, Harry's.   Saturday morning, my grandma's treating me to a total makeover! :)  Hair, eyebrows, mani, pedi, the WORKS!  AHhhhhh!  Saturday night, the whole fam is going out for sushi and steak at SPY, which is the sweeeeetest place ever.  Seriously- check out the website and take a virtual tour- SO SO SO cool :)
• Stella's getting too big, too fast.  I'm thankful that she's healthy and growing of course, but dang I wish she could stay a teeny, tiny newborn longer.
• Hey- check out this fact:  Did you know, waking up to nurse in the middle of the night is 100 times better if there's a "Twilight" marathon on?  Yup... its true.
• My poor Mr. Man and his arm.  He's being such a trooper but I can tell he's in pain.  Once again, whenever a situation like this comes up, I try and remind myself about how much worse it could be.  Two broken arm bones are serious- but in the grand scheme of things, we're all okay.
• Tomorrow night we're having a "Snow White" party.  Why?  Hmmm... not sure.  I guess because its a boring Wednesday night, and I wanted to do a themed dinner ;)  We're having vegetable soup & an apple pie... I think we're also going to do a craft of some sort.  I'll blog about it :)
• I'm not going to say a whole lot about this- but there's a reason they (the hospital/doctors/midwives) tell you not to exercise for 4-6 weeks after having a baby.  Let's just say it's a good reason, and if I could go back in time, I'd follow those instructions.   If you're a close friend and would like to know what I'm talking about message me..
• I've been teaching 4 hours of gymnastics a week- it feels really good to be "working" again... even if its only 4 hours a week ;)
• While driving in the car today on the way to Maeve's ballet class, she piped up from the back, "Mom, I'm going to take my nuk out because I don't want my friends to see it."  I think its time to throw away the pacis...

well.... I think that about sums up our happenings... happy Tuesday! :)



The Paper Mama's Photo Challenge for the week:  Remember.

I want to remember back to these days, when my 3 year old picks up a stick and is imagining she's hiking through "the Mulan mountains."  :)

Ramblings for a Sunday!

Yeah, yeah, this is one of those nonsensical posts where I literally jump from topic to topic, rambling, about one thing or another.

• My brain has not caught up to the past 7 days, therefore, composing a well thought out blog post is just not going to happen.  A list-fashioned post is about all I can come up with.
• 3 kids is tough.  Tomorrow, Ryan goes back to work and I'm having anxiety attacks.  Of course, we're low on EVERYTHING so I have to go to the grocery store.  My mom is watching Maeve so I'll just have Henry and Stella, which isn't a big deal.  I just don't feel like grocery shopping... blah.
• My grandma cooked us a huge Sunday dinner tonight.  She lives about 45 minutes West of us, in the middle of nowhere.  It's like a mini-break from reality to drive through the country and out to her place.  She's got a pool, so the kids swim, which they love of course.  And she cooks amazing meals.  Tonight was crab legs, with yellow rice, shrimp and sausage.  Ummm, can you say "YUM?"
• Maeve drove with my parents over to my grandmas, and Henry fell asleep in our car on the drive- we were able to turn on music (versus the flipping DVD player...) and actually TALK!  It was really nice; Definitely the highlight of my day.
• I have a list of "someday's..."  Do you?  For example... SOMEDAY, I'd like to go back to Hawaii.  SOMEDAY, I'd like to own a house with a tin roof.  SOMEDAY, I'd like to learn how to paddle board, kayak and surf.  SOMEDAY, I'd like to finish my degree... etc. etc. etc.
• Henry gives kisses on the lips now... its too cute.  They're open mouth and they last like 10 seconds.  We think he's been watching "The Little Mermaid" too much ;)
• My grandma is huge on birthdays- she plans them months in advance.  Today she asked me what I wanted for my birthday... the only thing I could think of that I desperately want, is my hair done.  Cut, colored/highlighted and styled.  She said to set up an appointment with London Looks, an AWESOME salon over on the island.  She also said to throw in a mani and pedi.  You guys have NO idea- NO IDEA how much I am looking forward to this.
• The other exciting news, is that we had a family meeting last night at dinner to talk about Maeve's birthday plans.  We had talked about going to Disney for the day, but in reality, the girl doesn't ride any rides.  Well, she does like the tea cups- but that's about it.  And we're certainly not paying all that money to ride the tea cups.  Instead, Ryan, myself, mom, dad, Emily and grandma are going to get 2 hotel rooms right in Lake Buena Vista, next to Downtown Disney.  We're going to take the kids to the luau on Saturday night at the Polynesian hotel.  Sunday, we're going to take Maeve to the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique for a princess makeover (there's a salon at Downtown Disney).  I think she's going to have WAY more fun doing that than being tortured on rides at The Magic Kingdom. 
• I think I forgot to mention this in my birth post, but I just have to brag about my husband for a sec.  When we were moved up into the post partum unit, a few nurses were in there and they asked where they knew Ryan from.  We told them we were from Michigan and they couldn't place where he was from.  Then one of them said, "I KNOW!  You look like that surfer guy!  The one who sings!"  They were talking about the one and only- Jack Johnson... I chimed in, "I'll take that!"  Ryan has been working so hard at getting healthier and he really is doing great.  He's been running every morning for almost a year now, and is becoming conscious of different foods.  He just looks so much healthier-  add in his newly acquired Florida tan, and he's looking pretty good if I do say so myself!  ;)  Now its my turn to jump on the bandwagon!
• The latest conversation we've had (Ryan and I) is how St. Augustine now feels like home.  And I mean no offense to anyone who lives in Michigan by this- but I cannot imagine ever living there again.  Within the past couple of weeks, things have finally clicked- I think in large part, because of Stella's birth.  For awhile there, I was missing Jackson- wishing I could have the familiarity back.  And while I still miss the people (good friends and family), I do not miss the town or anything in it.  I am in love with our new place- I'll take walking the beach over walking through Jackson crossings any day.  I will always have good, sweet memories of our life up there, but it feels like we belong here... and that feels awesome.  :) 

real life.

This post has been about 6 weeks in the works now.  Well, its been 6 weeks in the works in my head.  I'm just sitting down to blog it now (tonight- Sunday). 

Life is so different for us.  I mean, literally over night- everything changed.

As we drove away from our old house, I was sure that we'd be settled and feeling right at home after a few weeks of living down here in Florida.  Well, I can tell you, 6 weeks later- I still feel like we're on vacation.  I still feel like we're going "home" -("home" meaning Michigan).  Isn't that strange? 

Ryan and I were talking after dinner tonight, and we both admitted to each other that we actually missed Jackson.  What, what???  The dreaded town- the black hole- that we were always itching to get out of...   Yeah we miss it.

It's true though... Jackson holds a piece of us.  It always will.  It's where my 2 babies were born.  It's where Ryan and I met, where we married, where we built our first home. 

The funny thing is, living in Florida, has been amazing.  It's not like we thought it was going to be all fun and games in paradise, and its really turned out to be a nightmare or anything.  It truly is fun and games in paradise- its vacation 24/7.  And that's the problem- and I'm not sure how I feel about it.  Sure, everyone loves a vacation, but at some point, there needs to be a home and a routine.  We still don't have either of those.

We live in a super nice condo- I'm definitely not complaining about it!  I mean really, its a condo that someone would rent if they were to vacay down here- who wouldn't like it?  But it feels like just that- a vacation condo. Our neighbors don't live here year round- they only vacation here- which makes it even weirder. I miss having neighbors...We have all our stuff here, but I can't paint the walls or plant a garden- I can't really do much to make it feel like  home, HOME.   Does that make sense? 

The other super strange thing about living down here, is nobody is on a schedule.  I swear 75 percent of this town is on vacation- they're tourists- so of course they don't have a schedule.  This is such a resort town- every business here is laid back, catering to the beach-goers.  I both like this- and dislike it.

Anyone who knows me (or knew me back in MI) knows that I am schedule girl.  I have just about every moment of the day scheduled out.  In Michigan, I had it down to a science- the kids were up around 7, breakfast, baths and dressed before 9.  Playdates were between 9-11, followed by lunch, no later than 12:30.  Naps were at 1, lasted until 3- dinner was started at 4, and served at 5... etc.  Pretty pathetic.  Anyways, here in Florida, I feel like I've morphed into a hippie or something.  Everything is go with the flow- for example, we ate dinner at 8:30 tonight.  And then we took a carousel ride at the local park.  We got home around 9:30- and we put the kids down around 10.  Do you know how crazy this drives me???  I mean, I love all the awesome stuff we're doing- but my gosh- I need some order in my life!  It really feels like we are on a constant vacation!

I keep telling myself, once the baby comes, school starts and everyone goes back to work (meaning the tourists clear out of here) things will go back to normal.

Tonight though, I can't help but miss the structured, "real" life, that Michigan was for us. 

But before you feel too sorry for me... do know that the reason the kids aren't napping or eating at regular times is because we're most likely at the beach.  Life isn't too bad  ;)  But I really, truly do miss the feeling of "home."  Someday, someday I suppose!

alright... those are my sunday ramblings.  thanks for reading ;) 

 

yay! :)

4th place :)

                                                                      and my entry for "Sweet"



Today's a big day down here... my mom is holding the first open house for her new studio!   It kind of blows my mind that we're really starting ALL over down here.  I remember when my mom started the studio up in our backyard (in Michigan).  And now here we are doing it again.... 

Along with the open house, I'm trying to get a menu together for the week so I can finally go to the farmers market and actually purchase something that we'll use!  I've been going to the market every Saturday morning, but haven't really bought anything (other than a tub of salsa) because I haven't actually cooked since we've been down here!   It's been a lot of take out, going out, and eating at my parents- which has been great... but I guess its time to get back to reality, and COOK.

Ryan is hoping to get to the beach sometime this weekend but apparently the weather isn't supposed to be so great.  It rained most of yesterday and we're starting off today with overcast skies.  The good thing about the weather is that even with overcast skies, its about 90 degrees- plenty warm enough to go to the beach!

Oh- and my last random thought for the day-  yesterday, I was seriously the dumbest person on the planet.  I had been planning on taking the kids to the pier to watch the shuttle launch but it was sprinkling and overcast.  I thought for sure they'd cancel the launch.  Instead of checking the news or my phone, we went to Hobby Lobby, and I assumed we'd watch the launch either tomorrow or Sunday.  Well, we all know that the launch went off yesterday- and we missed it.  The very last launch, and we missed it because we were in HOBBY LOBBY... ughhhh!  I am so ticked with myself!

Anyways, I hope you all have a great Saturday!  Post and pictures to come of the farmers market :)   

lunchtime ramblings

The kids are eating lunch, giving me a spare few minutes to blog. 

Have you noticed how sparse the blog is looking?  I've been slacking big time.  Strangely enough, I've been choosing to clean the floors or do the laundry versus blogging.  Normally its no contest, and I'll put the house stuff off for as long as I can.  As of late, I've been liking my house clean(er).

• The weather has been pretty decent.  The kids and I have been spending the majority of the day outside and at the park.  Henry could live outside- in sleet, rain, snow- whatever- he just loves being outside.  Maeve enjoys it too, but is a lot more um, "girly" about it?  If its too windy or too chilly, she'll make a stink about it.  Like mother like daughter I guess ;)
• Okay someone told me to read the "Twilight" saga.   Actually, I should say, the entire world of facebook told me to read the "Twilight" saga.  I picked up "Twilight" at Walmart last week- and I have to admit, I was hesitant.  I don't really like sci-fi stuff and I'm not a huge fan of romance novels.  I'm more of a mystery book kind of person.  Needless to say, I was glued to the book and finished it in 4 days.  Is it possible to have a crush on a character in a book?  I think so.  I am in love with Edward.  Ahhhhh :)  
•  I had my 26 week appointment yesterday and have another UTI.   I guess its not that big of a deal, I didn't even feel sick when I went in for the appointment.  It's just frustrating being on more medication.  This particular medication doesn't seem to agree with my stomach so well... anyways, that's my complaint for the day.
• We got Henry's packet in the mail from "Early Start."  Funny, the day we got the packet, he waved and said "BYE LOLA!"  I took that as a sign that we were jumping the gun on getting any outside help for his speech- at 19 months, I'm okay that he only has 5 words, and not the "standard" 8.
• So, of course I have to document this big news here (even though I've already documented it on facebook ;)- in January, my Aunt Trish told me about a photography contest that a local health center was having.  They're opening a new building downtown, and were looking for photos to fill their walls.  You were allowed to submit up to 5 images.  The judging ended two weeks ago (I think)... and I just got an email this morning, informing me that 4 of my 5 photos made it!  What exactly does "made it" mean?  I'm not quite sure myself.  There are three places- 1st ($1000), 2nd ($500) and 3rd ($200)- she said there would be an article in the Cit Pat over Memorial day weekend announcing the places.  There is also a ribbon cutting ceremony that our family was invited to- where the photos will be revealed on the new walls of the building.  Pretty cool!  I'm not sure what if any place I got or what photos will be in the building, but I'm excited all the same :)
• Maeve has been seeking some major attention lately.  She's been doing super naughty things- such as... smearing Vaseline all over the carpets, or unrolling all the toilet paper, or the ultimate- peeing on the floor.  Literally standing there, pulling down her undies and peeing on the floor.  I have no idea how to discipline this kind of behavior.  Any help would be greatly appreciated...  

baby talk ;)

Why- WHY OH WHY OH WHY- did I sell all of my baby stuff???  Really, what was I thinking?  Was I thinking that we were done at two?  No...   Was I thinking we'd never have another girl?   No....  So whyyyyy did I get rid of it all???

I went to a mom to mom sale this morning, list in hand, of items that I needed to look for.  Basically, besides the crib and mattress and changing table, I need everything- AGAIN.  Bouncer, swing, clothes, blankets, bedding, etc.   It kind of sickened me to spend money on stuff that I once had (and that was much, much nicer).  But I did find a cute bouncer and a couple of sleepers.  Not bad. 

With Maeve and Henry, there was no such thing as a budget- believe it or not.  And it wasn't because we had a ton of money or anything.  It was because my mom lived here. ;)  After every appointment, my mom would take me to the store and we'd pick out something for the baby and a pack of diapers.  Have I mentioned lately, how much I miss my MOM???  With Maeve (since she was our first), my mom basically took care of everything BIG.  Stroller, swing, her entire wardrobe...  ;)  I think all we really invested in was the crib and changing table (and of course a few pieces of clothing).  With Henry, we had everything saved from Maeve- so I got to use our extra money on clothes, clothes, clothes!  This time around (as I've stated 2 million times) we are starting out with nada.  I do have to admit, its kind of fun scavenging around, trying to find good deals... but wahhhh!!! I miss my baby stuff :(.

Anyways, the very exciting news, is that Ryan's office is throwing us a baby shower!  What what???  A baby shower for our 3rd baby- yeah I definitely feel kind of funny, but I guess its just standard there.  Ryan came home one day and told me we had to register (yay!).  Registering this time around should be pretty streamlined- I know what I use and what I don't use (I never used a baby bath- well maybe once or twice?  I breastfeed in the bath WITH the baby.... so we get two birds with one stone:)  I also don't use crib bumpers- and that's mainly because of the safety hazard that has been issued.  But also, our babies don't sleep in their cribs until 5 months (they're in a bassinet next to our bed), and by the time they get in the crib, the bumpers just become too much.

So what's the point with all the rambling?  Nothing really.  I just got to thinking at the sale this morning, and decided to point out to any moms- if you even *KIND OF* think there is going to be a chance you will expand your family... DO NOT SELL YOUR BABY GEAR!  ;)

And with that... here's a photo for The Paper Mama's photo challenge. :)

The theme is B&W...

 
Ryan walked in as I was typing this up and said "Woah.  That's a crazy looking kid."  Yeah, that's our son, Ryan... ;) 

I could probably turn every photo black and white, because I just love the mood of it.  Most of the photos in our house are black and white...  I normally do super high contrast B&W, but I played around with a few actions this time, which gave it a duller look but I think its pretty sweet :)

Rambles & Things :)

• LOVELY weather!  Right???  I actually got a little toasty while walking outside today :)
• McDonalds was out of shamrock shakes today- umm... I may or may not have said an obscenity over it.
• Maeve has decided she now doesn't want to go poop OR pee on the potty.  She wants diapers.  I am beyond frustrated.
• I met a new neighbor this morning at the park and it feels great to have someone so kind and young, with lots of things in common, living right next door :)
• Insomnia has been really horrible lately.  I usually fall asleep okay- its staying asleep that's a problem.  I usually manage to watch at least one full lifetime movie in the middle of the night.  Thank goodness for LMN :)
• I am so. so. so. over St.Patty's day.  Now let me explain.  I'm all for green cupcakes, pancakes, juice, etc. (all of which, we had today)  I like dressing the kids in green and all that good stuff, the part I'm over is the bar crap.  Ryan and I were talking tonight and were remembering St. Patty's day like 5 years ago or something- the problem is, we both don't really remember it and to this day I can't look at Guiness or Bailey's.  BARRRRRF.  I'm happy to stick with green foods and some nice crafty kids projects ;)
• Speaking of kids, Henry is 18 months, and still not saying a whole lot.  Am I worried?  Ehhh... a little.  But I've been told hundreds of times not to compare Maeve to Henry.  Still though, it seems that at 18 months, he should know his animal noises, and basic words... he jibber jabbers all day long,  but nothing comes out that we can really understand... the occasional "mama" or "dada."  Oh and he says, "bye." 
• Maeve has been addicted to this website called Starfall?  Leslie introduced us to it and we allow Maeve to "play" it for about an hour each night.  I usually sit with her and work through the little activities.  Last night we learned about action words.  I wasn't sure how much was sticking and how much was just a fun game for her, but tonight at dinner, Ryan asked her about action words and I kid you not, she rambled off a great list:  "Running, dancing, skipping, jumping...  its what the bunny is DOING."  (the game involves some rabbit...) 
• I think I'm having allergy/sinus problems... it could be both, it could be one or the other- but whatever it is, I feel like I have bricks in my head.
• I was in Walmart the other day with the kids and this woman drove by on her amigo/scooter- Maeve looked up and stared- I mean, hardcore STARED at her.  I was praying she wouldn't shout out something embarrassing- she didn't thank goodness- but after the lady was gone, I asked her what she thought about that, and she told me "that's kind of crazy." And then erupted into a laughing fit. 
• Lola got locked in our garage the other day (on accident).  How did that happen?  Well, we all piled out of the car with ice cream (melting ice cream).  Each of us had a kid and we hustled in, to get them to their high chairs.  Ryan or I, whoever was last, must have just slammed the door shut without noticing the Beans was still in the garage.  About TWO HOURS later we realized she was missing (whoops) and found her in the garage- surrounded by about 10 ripped up trash bags.  Trash. Was. EVERYWHERE.  (because of course the day Lola gets stuck in the garage would be the day before trash day, right?) 
• I love, love, love all the baby movement!!!  When my kids nap during the day, I hop on the couch or in bed and just lie there, enjoying the bumps. 
• I need to bite my tongue and stop telling people our baby names- I keep getting some mad negative feedback.  When it comes down to it, why should anyone really care what WE name OUR child?  Hormones are raging... they're raging.
•  I'm beginning to get a little bit nervous that this is just going to be a crappy pregnancy.  I felt so great with Henry, and I took that for granted.  Even Maeve- I had a horrible 1st an 3rd trimester with her, but a great 2nd.  I am well into my 2nd trimester with this lobster and I am still feeling like caca.  I don't vomit anymore (knock on wood) but I am still getting the rush of saliva, and queasy, car sick feeling if I eat the wrong thing, if I eat at the wrong time, if I eat too much, if I eat too little, etc.  I still gag while taking my meds and brushing my teeth.  I'm just tired of feeling so yucky.
• So does anyone watch "One Born Every Minute?"  Ryan and I watch it each week (yeah, he actually likes this show ;).  Of course, anyone going into labor (even Michelle Duggar) has GOT to be a little bit nervous- but after watching a few of these episodes, I am seriously starting to panic a bit.  Why does it seem like in every episode, a baby gets super stuck?  The doc has to climb on top of the woman, the nurses are holding her legs up over her head, and there are more instruments being thrown in there than I've ever seen.  It's absolutely terrifying.  And I have a good friend (I won't mention her name just in case she wants to remain anonymous ;) whose 2nd baby got super stuck.  I'm hoping my (almost) 9 pounder has cleared the way for anything that decides to come through.
• My mind is so heavy with stress right now.  I don't really want to get into it, but it involves moving, the house, blah.
• I heard someone was moving into our old house (the house on Morrell).  I cried.  What is it about homes and emotions??
• I am so sad and worried for Japan.  I have to turn off the news at night- its completely terrifying.  I have to steer clear of the yahoo articles, my People mag. articles... It's just so awful and scary.  One of the saddest things I've seen was actually on the weather channel this evening.  It was a video of two dogs- youtube it if you want, but it was the saddest thing ever.
• We watched "The Fighter" two nights ago and I was pleasantly surprised.  If you can get past the way (WAY) overused f word, it was actually a pretty good movie.  I normally don't like sport movies... 
• I know I said this on facebook a few weeks ago, but OMG- two words:  BABY BOOM!  It's so exciting to see so many friends having babies!!! :)  YAY!  
• My sister is coming home for the summer.  I'm not sure what her exact purpose is with coming here, but I'm pretending its so she can be my nanny :)  If anything, I am SO EXCITED to have a babysitter back in town!!!! :) :)  
• Both of my kids have runny noses and coughs.  Maeve seems a little worse, but neither one has run a fever since they were sick with strep and pneumonia (2 weeks ago?) so I haven't taken them in.  The coughing gets bad at night though... like right now- as I'm typing this, I can hear Maeve hacking... to take her in?  Or not to take her in?
• LAST thing- this is more of a plea than a thought:  IS THERE ANYONE- ANYONE OUT THERE THAT KNOWS  WHY THE INSTANT I LOAD A PICTURE ONTO BLOGGER, IT TURNS TWO SHADES DARKER???  PUUUUHHHLEEEASE HELP?!?!?

I think those are all my random thoughts for the night... I'll leave you with some (two shade darker) spring pictures ;)

They love playing together- can't you tell? ;)
   

It's Been Far Too Long.

I think I'm overdue for a bullet style, "what's on my mind" kind of post...  Don't you agree?

• ***NEWSFLASH*** people- how many children my husband and I decide to have is OUR decision.  I don't need comments on how "3 kids is too many, 4 kids is too many, etc." I really don't.  I get it, okay?  I understand when you bring a child into this world, you need to feed them, diaper them, clothe them and provide them with shelter.  I got it- okay?  Thanks and Amen.
• So if you couldn't guess by my opening statement, I'm grouchy... hormonal- probably a nice mixture of both.
• I'm 12 weeks pregnant and still sick.  Granted, the zofran has taken the edge off.  I am not vomiting my meds up... (PRAISE THE LORD!) but I am still feeling like criiissaaap. 
• I had a date with Maeve today and it was completely fabulous.  It was just the bug and I.  Ryan stayed home with Henry, and I took Maeve to paint some pottery.  I had tears in my eyes (thank you hormones) watching her paint her kitty cat bank.  How has it been (almost) 4 years???  I can't wrap my head around it.  My girl is so special and I need to make sure I make it a point to regularly spend some one on one time with her. 
• Henry has an odor about him... I can't put my finger on it- but I think its his steroid creams... I don't know- but my bionic pregnancy nose isn't liking it.
• Have you ever seen these awesome bath color thingys?  They are indeed, my kids' new obsession. 
• Speaking of the bath tablets, we had a minor scare (and another call to poison control) yesterday afternoon.  I swear Henry is a Hoover vac.  I dropped a tab in- its fizzing- the kids are watching and clapping.  Maeve is beside herself with excitement to see what color the water is going to turn, and before I could say "STOP", Henry had snatched that tab up and ate it.  Seriously.  I wasn't too concerned because they are for KIDS.  But the label did say "do not ingest."  I thought I should all and be safe.  Everything was all good- they stated the obvious, that because he had ingested a blue dye, his poo poo would be (and it was) blue.  Oh. MY. HENRY.  This kid is going to give me a coronary.
• For about a month now (well ever since Oprah took over Discovery Health Network) I've been in a bit of a depression.  How in the heck can I not have "Trauma Life in The ER" or "Mystery Diagnosis" as a part of my daily life???  Channel surfing yesterday, I stumbled upon Fit TV- it has apparently picked up EVERY SINGLE SHOW that Oprah booted off.  I can proudly announce at this very moment, I am watching a riveting episode of "Untold Stories of the ER."  So kiss it Oprah (and Gayle and Nate Berkis and Dr. Phil)  I'll stick with the good stuff :)  On a side note, Ryan was incredibly disappointed to see that I had once again, found my vice. :) hahahah.
•  This is so off topic (but hey- that's what these posts are about)- I just want to say a "PRAISE THE LORD HALLELUJAH!"  that I am out of the dating world/game.  Watching ..."anonymous peoples" go through that crazy crap is giving ME anxiety... I'd be a dead fish if I were out there.  Since when did cheating on your boyfriend/girlfriend become so common???  
•   I find it really strange that water can make me gag, yet I could eat hot dogs for lunch every day... hmmm...
• I miss my Ang... :( its been too long. 
• We just got our packet for Disney... I may or may not have cried a few tears of joy.
• So this is a lot of info- and I'm probably going to regret spilling it, but there are 2 medications that I need to be on during this (and Henry's) pregnancy.  They aren't "nice" category A or B meds... I won't get any more into that part of it- but I will say that its completely frustrating that 2 years ago, I was searching google nightly, trying to find ANY substantial, credible information on these medications. All  I could find  in 2009 was, "in rabbits and rats, given 10 times the human dosage, there was an increase in cleft palate.  There is not enough information on humans."   And would you believe it?  It's 2011 and every single article is exactly the same.  I'm not particularly interested in rabbits who are given 10 times the human dosage... ugh.
•  I don't think I've ever craved summer so bad.  Really- I'd give my left arm for it to be here... well, no, I wouldn't.  But I'm pretty desperate for warmth.
• So baby #3 is cooking- and I'm about 75% sure, this will be the last time my "oven" will be in use.  Yeah, I said it.  I think this is it.  And its sad because I always thought I'd have four kids... but this pregnancy has kicked my butt.  I haven't been able to give enough to Maeve and Henry.  It's not fair for them to see me sick and lying on the couch all day.  My puking scares Maeve to death and I've literally shut the door in Henry's face one morning, as I was rushing to the bathroom and he was toddling after me.  I just can't imagine doing this again, but with three kids needing me.  Ryan says that's the funniest thing he's ever heard... and that I will be ready for baby #4 as soon as baby #3 starts walking... we'll see I guess.
• boy names?  boy names?  Anyone???  I have a giant list of girl names... and a whopping ONE boy name- that to be honest, I'm not even crazy about it.  Hmmm... I'm up for any and all suggestions!
• I am so excited to find out what this lobster is... because as soon as I DO, I will be picking out beautiful fabrics for a custom, handmade bedding set made by the incredibly talented LeeAnn.   I am SO SO SO excited.  For Maeve and Henry, I picked out bedding sets at the Toy House that were definitely super cute- but ya know, nothing to drool over.  The other thing about a baby bedding set, is that we don't use the bumper pads.  (do you use bumper pads with your babes?)  This will be great to be able to pick out fabrics that make me jump up and down, and customize the set to our needs.  :)  YeeeeeeHAW!
•   I know I've talked about this before, and I'm sure its me just being overly OCD, but it really, REALLY irks me that Disney (and any other kid movie- besides Veggie Tales- which we DO watch) feels the need to use words like "stupid" and "idiot."  No- I don't think stupid or idiot are bad words, per say- they're just not words that I want coming out of my 3 year old's mouth.  I heard her call Henry a "stupid baby" this week and my mouth dropped to the floor.  Ugh...  With that said, I can't blame just Disney and the television.  I myself say the word "stupid" all the time, when talking to friends or Ryan, etc.- so I'm sure she's picking that up from me as well.  It's like I need a baby filter put on my mouth or something... yes, yes, I know she's going to grow up and start calling everything "stupid" and this will not be the demise of her character, but for the time being, she's a little girl and I find it inappropriate for her (or Henry...  or any of our future kids)  to use words like that.  Okay, off my soapbox.  And, yes, I do slip some really "bad" words sometimes... but that's only in a dire situation- like when I drop the milk on the garage floor and it explodes... grrr.
• OOOOOH.  I have 95 BLOG FOLLOWERS!  5 away from 100!!!  If  you want to make me incredibly happy, click the "follow" button in the top right hand corner... and you will indeed, be one of the sweetest people on this planet.

I think that's all for tonight... if you've read through this mess, thanks!  Leave a comment :)

Good nightssss to all!

tonight...

tonight, I missed dinner with the fam... I spent it in bed :(  dang nausea is definitely getting the best of me.

tonight, I'm missing my mom.  If she were here, I think things would be a lot easier.

tonight, I'm thankful for my husband, who takes over when I just cannot do it.

tonight, I am praying that I can keep my medicine down.

tonight, I am wishing I was somewhere other than this frozen tundra...

Never Say Never.

This is my "real" Monday post.... I started it early this AM and was sidetracked with that awesome photography contest :)

Anyways, I thought I'd make a list of things I'd never do.  Why, you ask?

I was driving down the road the other day, saw a truck with a giant decal sticker that said "I <3 My Stripper!" , and I thought to myself, "who would ever do that?"  Which then led me to the thought what would I never do.... interesting train of thought, I know.

Without further ado, here's a list of things I would never do...:

(AND a forewarning- 100% of the reasons I'd neglect to partake in something, has nothing to do with my opinions on it- but rather my fear, quirks and OCD...)

• I would never get a dermal anchor.
• I would never eat something off the ground.
• I would never pick up a hitch hiker
• I would never go a day without washing my hands
• I would never buy an outfit at Gymboree, full price
• I would never sleep without a carbon monoxide detector
• I would never lick the floor of the ER... haha or any floor, I guess... (well, maybe Leslie's :)
• I would never  turn down an epidural
• I would never fly with children under the age of 3 to Hawaii
• I would never stand on the roof of a building
• I would never hold hands with a stranger  (unless said stranger had just washed and sanitized their hands :)
• I would never throw away my crockpot
• I would never want to see my OB at Toys 'R Us (or anywhere outside of the delivery room) again.
• I would never fall asleep without telling Ryan and my kids, they're my world and I love 'em.
• I would never choose to eat steak.
• I would never wear  these for the obvious reason that I'd look like a stuffed sausage.
• I would never eat a circus peanut
• I would never (consciously) let a nurse or whoever, put a needle in me without confirming 700000 times that it hasn't been used.
• I would never.......

What would you never do?  Do you have a weird OCD thing?  Or a fear of something?  Share!  And you never know.... a commentator might just get a little somethin' somethin'.  :)

Happening Now... November 19th, 10:03 AM.

-the posts for the next 10 days are going to be rambling and all over the place. There's a computer in my room- but time is short. I want to jot down quickly, the events that are happening, have happened, for memories sake.

I forgot my CF reader, meaning no picture uploads until I get home. Boo.

No worries, my camera is glued to my hands and I've already captured some priceless moments.

The kids are out in the Florida room with my mom and grandma.

There's a doggy door and the kids like to crawl in and out. Maeve calls it the "rabbit hole." Yeah... :)

Maeve's newest "thing" is picking oranges off the "orange tree." The "orange tree" is actually a cross mix between a tangerine and a grapefruit- HA! So the "oranges" or whatever you want to call them (graperines?) are huge orange balls with pink fruit in the middle. She picked so many last night (and this morning) that mom and MaeMae made JUICE out of them!

Henry's ears seem to really be bothering him. I'm assuming from the plane ride?

Speaking of the plane ride... it really wasn't bad at all. Maeve was AWESOME. I mean, that kid should get a "flier of the year" award. Henry wasn't great... but the kid has double ear infections! He screamed, which was expected- and when a flight attendant asked if "everything was okay" (THAT'S how loud he was screaming), I said "Yeah he's alright- he has a double ear infection so he's just not comfortable." The stewardess looked horrified and (very) rudely exclaimed, "Why in the world would you be traveling with a sick baby?" Like I am the worst parent on the planet. I was caught off guard and a bit speechless- I wish I could go find her and say "Listen lady- I took my kids to the doctor the day before and SPECIFICALLY ASKED about flying on the airplane, how it would effect their ears, the antibiotics they're on, etc. so chill the heck out." But, I didn't. And instead I've repeated the story to anyone who will listen... just so I can be validated that it wasn't a bad choice to travel with the kids... it wasn't, right? I mean, I trust the doctor over a flight attendant, but Henry isn't feeling great and now I'm feeling a little... uhhhh... like a mommy failure? blah.

We're going to see the dolphins at "Marineland" this afternoon. I think we're going to try and go shelling too. I can't wait for the picture opportunities! :) WOO!

I'm getting excited to see my sisters... they're coming next week- I haven't seen Meghan in 6 months or so?!?!?!?!

I am trying to build some kind of a bunker in the back yard to trap Ryan in when he comes down here. Because I'm positive, that once he's here, I won't be able to step back onto the airplane.  If it weren't for that DANG house up in Michigan.... ughhhhh.

That's all for now :)

Happy Friday!

ramblings... part??

I need to come up with some catchy "Rambling" title... I tend to ramble, a lot.

Any suggestions for a go-to rambling post title?

back to the rambling...

-if one good thing has come out of my parents leaving, its me becoming closer with my brother, Tyler. We used to see each other ummm.... maybe once a month in passing- IF THAT- now a days, he's babysitting the kids, we're doing lunch and just talking... and that's really nice. Tyler has a girlfriend, Katie, who comes over as well, and she's great with the kids. I am so thankful that I have them here. I never thought in a million years (sorry tyler- not like you read this anyway:) that I'd be looking to my little brother for anything, but I know now, if I'm in a pinch, he's always more than willing to hang out with his niece and nephew.

- Maeve is 3 and not potty trained. that's all.

-this morning when I woke up, I had one thing on my mind- MAKE A PIE. I don't know why... but for a few days I've been wanting a stinkin pear pie. NOT a store bought one- but a fresh, home made one, that makes your house smell like fall. I chopped, kneaded, folded, whatever the heck you do to make a pie- I put the dough patties in the fridge and patiently waited (ALL DAY) for them to chill. Around 5 I took them out annnd.... they cracked. In a zillion pieces. I was close to tears (I must have really wanted this pear pie...) and Ryan suggested I just pile all the crust into the pan. HA... I did, and all I can say is faiiillllure. But I'm planning on blogging about it tomorrow.

-I feel like our kitchen has become some sort of pharmacy. We've got infants tylenol and motrin for Henry. CHILDREN'S tylenol and motrin for Maeve. Antibiotics, vicks, thermometers, blahhhhhhh. Okay sickness, can you go now?

-Henry's ears are really bugging him when he lies down. Anyone wanna take a wild guess at what activity he is NOT doing because of this??? Yahhhh.... that boy- woooo! It's a good thing I love him so much... I rocked him from 8 PM to about 1 AM - sitting up in the rocker- it was the only way to get him to stay asleep. Insane.

-I woke up this morning in a puddle of milk. That's always fun, right? I was up so late with Henry, I didn't even hear Maeve get up- Ryan must have stuck her in with me (and a sippy cup of milk...) when I woke up, Maeve had left, sippy stayed and leaked everywhere.

-Ryan and I have decided that whatever we do in Florida- whether we rent a house or an apartment (notice I didn't say buy... I don't think we'll ever buy again) it has to have a spare bedroom for TOYS. I thought I could manage with the toy clutter... but apparently I can't. Maybe its because I tripped over a little tykes grocery cart filled with barbies and books this afternoon... I don't know- but I want a playroom.

-I have an amazing husband. AMEN. then end.

-I have been having anxiety attacks about our upcoming flight. I would rather get some sort of dental surgery (and we all know how much I hate dental surgery) than fly on an airplane, alone, with my 3 and 1 year old.... not fun.

-my family has always joked that I can read people really well. Like put someone in front of me and I get a vibe. Weird? Yeah, I guess. But I am SO on... Like SO ON its scary :) -ANGELA- do you remember my birth predictions???

-Why do I have to discover this fabulous herbalife diet in the middle of freezing winter? I mean, I guess its not WINTER yet, but its freezing- and not a time where I feel like shakes. I want coffee. I've been off the train... usually drinking coffee for breakfast, a shake for lunch and whatever I want for dinner... not quite the plan, but that's the best I can do right now. I'm not walking around with a milkshake in 20 degree weather.

-early, early this morning (4/5?) I woke up and heard Maeve reading in her room. It was sweet, and then I heard her starting to ask questions- like she was talking with someone. I made Ryan go check... I watch too much dang dateline. And thank GOD she was just talking to herself, but uhhh, it kind of reminded me of "The Shining." Later, I asked her who she was talking to and she said "the bones." WTH.

-I am SO excited.... there is an awesome give away that I have the privilege of hosting.... stay tuned... it's fab and it's next week :)
-I have Henry's career path nailed- he will be a Shamu trainer. This kid wants water 24/7. And he's a smart one- he'll dump his bottle or sippy on the floor, forming a puddle that he can splash in. It doesn't matter if its the toilet, the dog bowls, a puddle of milk, leftover shower water, WHATEVER- he'll find it and play in it. I suppose there are more careers besides being a whale trainer, that involve water- like a captain or a fisherman... those would be cool too- but how sweet would it be to get in free to SEA WORLD?!

-My mom called and told me they were having a "cold front" down in Florida. Lows of 50.

-I feel like we're (Ryan, myself, the kids) are in this big waiting room- we're being soooo patient... knowing that great, great places and things are in our future- but we're waiting... and waiting... I will now quote that super obnoxious quote about waiting- "good things come to those who wait."

-This week has been wretched. God sure works in mysterious ways.

-I learned a super important lesson this week... and again, I'm going to use a quote (because I love them) by BUDDHA!: "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." So, so, so true. And I'm not sure why it took 26 years to realize that.

those are my ramblings for tonight...

my friends and family- I love and miss you all... (well Les, Jess, Angie- I'm sure I'll see you gals next week:) Mom, dad, brothers & sisters, Ang, Suz- it's been too long. I am desperate for an ear, advice and a shoulder.

ahhhh big love and hugs to all...