10/11/07.

Yesterday, 10/11/10, was Maeve's THIRD birthday. I know every mother under the sun says this, but really, "WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?"

I've been thinking for a few days about how I wanted to blog her birthday. She did have a party with a few friends, and I definitely want to include those pictures... we had cake with family... and then there was her "real" birthday yesterday.

I guess I'll start out with saying that from the first moment I knew she was a "Maeve" she's had me.

The ultrasound tech, Dana, said she had never seen a reaction quite like our family's (good or bad thing?) but when she said "its a girl!" The tiny room exploded with shouts (of joy :) and tears. I don't know why we all (secretly of course) wanted a girl so badly, but we did. And when it was confirmed, I could finally put a name with the fetus: Maeve Annabelle.

The pregnancy was rough- in terms of anxiety. Every little hiccup (and that's no exaggeration) was counted. I spent HOURS lying in bed feeling her move and imagining what she'd look like.

I managed to pack tote after tote (we were living in my parents basement while our house was being built...) full of the prettiest, girliest things on the planet.

We had a little calender down in our room and each week was marked with "week 29," "week 30," etc. I was counting down (or up I should say) to BABY day. And I could hardly wait.

Unfortunately we hit a few bumps in the road my sweet Maeve (this is the part in the post where it turns into more of a letter to M). I have this HORRIBLE, AWFUL condition called ANXIETY that really gets in the way of a lot of good things. I had a few ER trips because of my blood pressure and heart rate, which were high, due to my anxiety. Each trip would be the same- a giant pregnant woman waddling through the doors, gasping for air- I was always swept up in a wheel chair and given the royal pregnancy treatment.

In the midst of my panic attacks, the doctors would want to give me something to lower my heart rate, I'd make them triple check that it was okay for pregnant women. After things would settle down, I'd ask the nurses to check your heartbeat- it was always steady, the same. Mine could be racing at 200 BPM and yours would still be at 130 (which sounds high, but is perfect in fetus land:). Things are still this way today; I'm chasing you around with panic and you've got your giant, nookie, gap toothed smile like there isn't a bad thing in the world.

The week before I had you (my Maeve), I tripped and fell over a box. This landed me in labor and delivery for a day of monitoring. I was having regular contractions and the nurses continued to check on me, asking each time, "Are you feeling these?" I proudly said "Nope!" Like I was a birthing master or something... The nurses were sure I was in labor (and I was giddy with excitement on that rainy Monday) but each time they checked my "progress" (or lack OF I should say) I was told there was "no change." I was discharged later, and one of the nurses said "Hope to see you soon!" I said, "You're telling me!" The nurse then replied with, "She's going to be stubborn, huh?" I smiled, and thought "Yup I've got a little spitfire on my hands." OHHHH Maeve... how little did I know :)

Eventually things came to a halt (in the womb anyway- as Dr.P said)... your measurements had stayed the same for a few weeks, meaning you hadn't grown and in Dr. P's words "she'd be better on the outside now." I completely agreed :) Induction was set for Wednesday, October 10th, 2007. My first thought was, "Woah, this is really happening." My second thought was "YES! You're going to have a birthday that no one will forget, 10/10."

The night before the induction, dadda spent the entire evening (and most of the night) installing the giant tv we now have on our wall. He said it was on the "top of the list" because I'd be spending so much time on the couch. I laughed, saying "Yeah right! We're going to have lunch dates and shopping days!" Dadda knew better then, and I think he still does now.

I tried my hardest to sleep. I couldn't. I remember the numbers ticking on the clock and I was willing them to reach 5 AM as quickly as possible. At 4:59 AM, I called up to labor and delivery to see if there was a bed available... there was and I was in for 10/10/07.

We stopped by nana and poppa's house. Nana insisted on getting a "last" picture of you in my belly.

We got hugs, kisses and wishes of good luck and then we headed downtown to Foote (it was still Foote in 2007). The streets were dark and inside our car it was quiet and cold. I felt your movements and thought that in just a few hours I'd be able to hold your hand instead of feeling it through my belly.

At Foote, I registered and became a "prisoner" of Foote- (that's what the registration lady said as she put on my hospital bracelet- nice, huh?). Dadda was so nervous (although he wouldn't admit it,) that he forgot my bags in the car. I remember standing in the lobby, as he ran out for the bags, thinking, "there's still time to escape!" I was terrified of the unknown Mae mae :)

Once we were settled up in our room (which was really the nicest birthing suite on the floor, or so we were told) I was literally shaking with excitement. I wanted that pitocin PUMPED up to the max. The adrenaline had kicked in and I was READY. Unfortunately, you, my girl, were not.

All morning, and into the afternoon, the pit was turned up. Dr. P broke my water and I walked those hallways for hours. I'd come back to the bed, the number "10" flashing through my head, the only thing that was keeping me alive, get checked and hear the very disappointing news that I was at a "3" or a "4" and "baby's still high."

I'm not very strong miss Maeve. And that was never my point in labor- I wasn't trying to prove anything. But I was more scared of the epidural paralyzing me, than I was of the contractions. So I kept on...

I remember crying with your poppa. I remember throwing a magazine at your dadda because he fell asleep on the job. I remember your aunts doing crazy things to try and make my smile. Aunt Emi would rub my feet in between contractions. Aunt Meggie would do cheers about pushing.

The problem with not getting an epidural and laboring for so long, as that there is a giant (and I mean GIANT) gap of time that is unaccounted for. I just can't remember, as hard as I try.

Hours were whirling by in a blur. A new face popped up in mine- the nurses had had their shift change. Cindy, my new nurse, looked like an angel.

She leaned over and was pressing a washcloth on my head and explained very calmly that I wasn't having you tonight. That you'd be born tomorrow. And that if I don't start progressing, a C-section would be in my (our) future. The first thing that came to mind was my utter disbelief that you wouldn't be born on 10/10. The thought hadn't occurred to me that I'd be laboring into 10/11. Maybe its a good thing that thought hadn't occurred, because surely it would have sent me into a panic attack :)

As I was saying before, I don't remember details, but I do remember agreeing to an epidural. I remember making Cindy promise me that I wouldn't be paralyzed. And then began the shaking.

I was later told that there was an emergency in the ER (go figure, right?:) and the one and ONLY anesthesiologist was attending to that. I remember Cindy telling me it was a little boy, and I thought "thank GOD for that... because if it were some old lady or man I'd be stomping down there and injecting myself with the epidural." :)

FINALLY, after what seemed like hours (and actually, I think it was- 2 hours to be exact), the anesthesiologist walked in. I was shaking so badly it was hard for her to insert it.

Once it was inserted, I remember lying back down and thinking "I did it. Now its going to be a picnic." :)

Soon enough, I realized something wasn't right. As much as I pressed that little yellow button for more of the goods, it was doing nothing. Well, let me rephrase- it was numbing one half of my body but not the other half. Which, in my opinion, was worse than feeling contractions on both sides. I was DEVASTATED. "Just knock me out- I want a C-section" I told Dr.P. -he laughed. NOT the thing to do.

Cindy was my advocate, and I heard her arguing with Dr. P and the anesthesiologist. The next thing I knew, I was being sat up, for another try at the epidural. Neither Dr. P or the anesthesiologist was pleased. I remember the anesth. saying "Some women just don't have an epidural space that will work for an epidural." Momma said some bad words.

They threaded the catheter out, and put a new one in. Right away, I could feel the difference. THANK YOU JESUS!

I reclined in my bed with my entire lower half numbed, thanking God for modern medicine.

It was around 1:30 AM and I remember the rain hitting the roof outside. I asked Ryan to open the windows, (you know how Momma loves the rain), he laughed. Again, not the thing to do.

I never really felt the urge to push, but my nurse said to try it. So I did. I must not be a very good pusher, because for a solid hour and a half I pushed, and pushed, and pushed, and dry heaved, and pushed, then dry heaved some more. I remember every time I dry heaved, Cindy would say "YES! That's the way you need to push!"

Dr. P came in and watched me. I remember saying "Okay just get the vacuum, I'm okay with that." I guess he wasn't because he didn't move.

This is all so blurry to me, and to be honest, all I really remember is an incredible amount of pain and then the sight of you. At 3 AM on the dot, our world became brighter.

Dr. P called you a "peanut," which I'm sure he calls all tiny babies, but I remember thinking "MY peeeeaaanut. This is her!"

You screamed from the get go. A very reassuring thing for me- and you scored a 10 out of 10 on your APGAR.

I wish I could say this was the moment I took you in my arms and studied you, but I can't. You did a lot of damage my girl ;) I held dadda's hand, and nana held you. I am pretty positive this is why you and nana have the relationship you do :)

The time couldn't have come soon enough for you to be in my arms. And when you were, I thought "This is my life. This is my purpose." Initially, I thought you looked NOTHING like me. You liked like a daddy- turns out, its because your head and eyes were so swollen :), because now, you're my twin.


We ended up having to stay a little longer in the hospital due to your stubborn entrance into the world, that left momma in some major pain. We had lots of visitors and everyone marveled at how tiny and perfect you were.

Nana and Gigi (YES, Gigi flew in from FLORIDA to see you:) made a few runs to the store for some preemie outfits. Apparently, newborn clothes don't fit tiny newborns. We must have changed you at least five times a day while in the hospital.

I remember the post partum nurses saying you weren't allowed to sleep in bed with me. Therefore, I forced myself to stay awake just so I could tuck you in my gown and hold you. The only time I'd put you down is if you were another pair of loving arms. I remember making up excuses at 2 in the morning, like how hungry you were, therefore we must wake you up for a feeding. When really, I couldn't bear to see you in the bassinet- you deserved to be in arms... at all times.. this later came back to haunt me. :)

We learned lots of things in the hospital. The most important was, that the cafeteria has awesome milk shakes. No, really, they're awesome and anything else that was "taught" to us made me laugh or roll my eyes. I won't get into the breastfeeding lady... lets just say we were anxious to get home.

After a long 4 night stay, we were both discharged. Now, let me tell you, that during the entire pregnancy I was glued to any and every "Baby Story" that TLC aired. I watched as the new mom would sit next to the infant in the back seat... I always thought it was because the camera man (from the show) was in the front seat, therefore, the mom had to sit in the back, by the baby. We definitely did not have a camera man, but it felt unnatural to sit in the front seat. Therefore, I slid in next to you, in the back. And held your head over every bump and turn, yelling at dadda to slow down.

Our first few days at home were rough. I was very sore and you were, well, a baby. Meaning, you liked to be fed, changed and held ALL.THE.TIME. It's funny, because I remember thinking "Let me just get through these first few weeks and life will become so much easier." Now, I'd give just about anything to rewind time on you (and your brother:).

Maeve, that is your birth story. Nothing remarkable or miraculous (in the eyes of a regular person) happened. But in the eyes of me and dadda, you were and ARE just that- remarkable and miraculous- and a billion, zillion other things.

You can run, jump, skip, and watching you master each one of those was like seeing you perform a miracle. Ha :) I remember your first steps, thinking "SURELY, this baby has the best looking first steps EVER!"

Maeve, for a while there, you did no wrong. I can't lie and say that you still do no wrong... because you're a stinker and you do. BUT, I wouldn't have it any other way. At the end of the day, you always leave me with a few good stories to tell to dadda or nana, or anyone else that will listen :).

You're kind hearted. You're compassionate, and concerned. You're curious and into everything. You love your little brother but can get so frustrated by him. Just yesterday, you set up your brand new "Beauty and the Beast" tea set- it was perfect; the spoons and little plates were set in just the right way. And then Henry, aka "Godzilla" attacked. I am pretty sure every fiber in you, was wanting to lash out. Instead, you shouted (pretty loudly) "NO THANK YOU HENRY!" and then began to cry and shake. I could tell you wanted to let it out, but you've got a sense of control that is beyond me. I am fairly sure dadda gave you that.

You love anything and everything that's pretty. You put lipstick all over your face and I have to pretend that you look beautiful- and don't get me wrong- you're ALWAYS beautiful, but its super hard not to crack a smile, when you come out with mismatched high heels, a t-shirt, your face painted with lipstick and mascara. You say "I'm so beautiful momma!" And I say "You ARE!"

You love your long hair, but hate to have it brushed. You like to eat the toothpaste of the tooth brush, but will not allow dadda or I to actually BRUSH your teeth. You prefer mints to any other type of candy... what other 3 year old eats "Altoids?"

You love donuts. You love balloons and aren't scared when they pop in your face. You love lying in "Momma's bed." And we laugh, because you refuse to call it "Momma AND Dadda's bed."

You love to dance and sing. You love to read.

You love your nana. I've never seen a more special relationship. You two are peas in a pod. As much as I'd like to be queen of your world, I know that truly, Nana is your queen... and that's okay. She's a pretty good nana.

You still suck a nuk... shhh- don't tell Dr. Williams :) You hate sippy cups, and will only drink from a straw.

Your dadda and I aren't sure how you're surviving and have so much energy, because you don't eat. This worries momma every day... but I've been reassured you won't starve yourself.

You're very sensitive. If you're singing, and I tell you "Shhhh!" because I'm on the phone or something, you'll cry. And it breaks my heart. I never want you to "Shhh."- ever! You have things to say and I want to hear every word.

You don't like to get dressed, eat, sleep, etc. on anyone's terms but your own. You're strong willed like that. I can say "Maeve its time to put on pajamas!" And you'll throw a fit, but within a few minutes you say "I want my pajamas." As long as you make the decision and not me, we're good :)

You hate the carwash and anything "spooky." Halloween season must be completely terrifying for you. In your world, everything should be princesses, pink and lovely.

I remember in the weeks after I had you, I'd sit in the shower, crying, and pray to God that you'd never, EVER get hurt, sick or picked on, teased. I couldn't fathom anyone tainting this perfect baby I had brought into the world.

The truth is, that this is an ugly world my girl. I can't stop the boo boo's or the flu. I can't keep you secluded in this house, away from bullies and the ignorance and cruelty that make up this world.

I am pretty sure you think that the "wicked witch" from Snow White is real, and out there. And the truth is, she is- maybe not how you imagine her to be, but she's out there. At night when we say prayers, and you say silly things like "Spookies not get me... " I look you in the eyes and say, "Never." I tell you that the wicked witch is all gone. I tell you about rainbows, playgrounds, ice cream and the ocean. Oh how I wish with everything in me, I could keep it this way forever.

I can't. But, my girl, I can promise you that I will always love you- unconditionally. It doesn't matter what you say or do, you will always be my girl. And even when the "wicked witch" shows her ugly face, I will continue to tell you that it will be alright- there's always the morning sun (which you love to see rising :)

My sweet girl, three years have gone by with you here on this planet. We believe that you were meant to be ours before we even existed. God has us all named and planned before we're put on this earth. And we thank Him for you each and every day. You are our girl!

Love you more than words maebug...

Momma.

getting over it.

Hmmm... the first time my parents left was hard. My mom and I had a giant tear fest and I was seriously depressed for a good couple of weeks. MAEVE on the other hand, didn't really grasp what was going on. She thought Nana was in FL for vacation (like in the past).

Goodbyes are going to happen once again (today). This morning (like before the sun came up) I was talking with Maeve, trying to break it to her that Nana, once again was leaving. It didn't go so well.

She ended up running through the house, latching onto my mom and crying "DON'T GO TO FLAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRDA!" It wasn't pretty. :(

The "first" time my parents left, my sister, Emily and my brother, Tyler were still up here in the dirty J to keep us company. Emily babysat which was a wonderful relief- and every once in awhile Tyler would pop over for lunch or a shower. Once again, it was nice to see FAMILY in town.

At the moment, my mom, brothers and Maeve are all at the doctor. Alec, my youngest brother has to get a sports physical and since they don't have a doctor in Florida yet, they set the appointment up for here. Meaning, I'm alone... (well with mr. man:) and feeling pretty gloomy. It doesn't help that its raining outside.

I'm trying to prepare myself for the goodbyes today... it won't just be goodbye to my mom, but to my sister and brothers too- meaning, reality has struck HARD and fast- I am the ONLY ONE left in this stupid town. The black sink hole of Jackson is doing an efficient job at swallowing me up. I'm in a rotten mood and trying really hard not to let my kids see it.

There are many more things in life that could be worse than this. I KNOW THIS. I KNOW THIS. But this is my struggle right now and I'm, ummm... definitely struggling with it. It's not just the fact that my family has moved- its that I am still here, alone. I have my family (Ryan, the kids) which are the most important- BY FAR- but it doesn't mean I am ready to do this on my own.

I thought seeing my parents pack up and leave the big yellow house on Morrell was tough. However, this morning, seeing Emily's little car packed to the brim with any leftovers from their life here in Michigan is even tougher. It's the final sting. It's the last thing that ties them to Michigan- and its gone. Ughhhh :(

I am thinking of getting out of the house today- maybe visiting Ryan in Ann Arbor for lunch? Taking the kids to Chelsea Treehouse... something! My brain needs to be focused on processing stupid, mundane tasks in order to get over the big, flashing, neon sign in my head: "YOUR FAMILY IS GONE AND YOU'RE STILL HERE."

I have been reading a lot lately. This has helped. It's nice to get lost in a book and forget your own reality for a little bit. Under the recommendation of a friend,(Leslie), I bought the book "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith. It is definitely a recommended read. It's not only an amazing story, but its a good devotional too. There are a few prayers in there that spoke to my heart. And lots and LOTS of fruitful scripture. Angie Smith went through something that I can't fathom- the loss of a child- (yes, this is where I keep saying in my head that things could be SO, SO, SO MUCH WORSE!) but what I got out of the book is that we each have our struggles. We each have our own losses and defeats- whether that be (HEAVEN FORBID) the loss of a loved one, or addiction, or something as "stupid" as letting go of your childhood & parents, siblings and moving on with life.

I truly feel that Satan is working hard at pulling me down. Instead of being thrilled with Ryan's job, I've hardly even asked about it because, well, to be honest, I want to be in Florida. I am not excited about starting a new chapter HERE. And I'm trying so hard not to let him win- not to let the bitterness, resentment and anxiety overtake me.

This is going to be a hard (season of life?) for me. And I have to accept that even though things aren't as I would like them to be- this is where I'm supposed to be. For some reason- things didn't work out for us in Florida and we are here. And I am trying to whole heartily accept that... sometimes I believe it. And to be honest, sometimes I really don't. But the important thing is, I am trying and will not give in to the temptation of bitterness and resentment. I won't.

With all that said (sorry that was a LOT of scattered info) today is tough. It's hard to reason with your 2 1/2 year old why we can't go to Florida. Why Nana and Poppa can't come for dinner... why Nana is suddenly gone again. It's just tough. And its emotionally draining.

The title of this post is "getting over it." I certainly couldn't say that I have "gotten over it." This is going to be a process (as the reality REALLY sinks in- Emily and Tyler are gone- there are no ties for my family here in Michigan anymore) for me. I have good friends. I have MY FAMILY and I have a God who knows exactly what is in store for me- He knows what is best and He knows the direction to take our family in. What more do I need?

Thanks for reading.

my walks... my weight...my woes.

Hmm... I can't quite remember when I decided I needed to get my large self up and moving... but I'm thinking it was about 6-8 weeks ago? Something like that...

Anywho, my fatness had reached a point that it was just plain gross. My sweat pants were getting tight on me (again!) but this time I didn't have a baby belly to blame it on. It was time to clean up my eating & start moving.

I started out with small changes- making sure I eat oatmeal EVERY single morning for breakfast (which can be a huge pain on those mornings that pushing the coffee button is a lot of work) but I've noticed if I eat a hearty bowl of oatmeal in the morning, I'm good for the rest of the day- meaning, I don't feel the need to gorge or stuff myself on anything.

It's funny- I also said I was cutting out alcohol. And I guess I *kind* of have?!?! But at the same time, if its a special occasion, I'll drink. Yeah- can't deny that one! But I used to regularly have a glass of wine or a beer at night (with dinner/after dinner) and that's been cut out.

On top of the teeny tiny diet changes I've made, I also decided I needed to walk. I am not a runner. I've never been a runner- never will be a runner- and that's fine. I am totally good with walking. I had a "sit down" with Ryan and told him that I love our family walks at night but I needed to get out by myself. He agreed...

I've been walking alone (sometimes for just 20 minutes- sometimes for an hour... it depends on my mood) for a few weeks now. Every night I get out there, (with my trusty ipod of course) I think to myself "summer is almost over- what am I going to do without these nightly walks???"

My walks are so much more than a means for weight loss. If you were to catch me mid-walk, don't be shocked to see tears... or sometimes a beaming smile. My walks are my time. MY catch up time. I tend to reflect on the day- over analyze every conversation I had, things I said to my kids, to Ryan, etc. There are always things I wish I would've said or done differently. On that same note, usually after the tear fest, I have a huge smile- beaming from ear to ear- (sometimes because of a great song that just came on) but mostly because the sun is setting and I'm headed home, to my little house, with my two babies that are asleep and a husband who's waiting to hold me.

Life is really good. Even if its not what I want at the moment. In the grand scheme of things- its good.

Here are two quotes I've put on replay in my brain:

“Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.”- Robert C. Gallagher

“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” -Arnold Bennett

And to end this post...
If you're curious about my weight in NUMBERS... I've lost close to 18 lbs. I weigh somewhere in the 120's. Whether that's 129 or 120 shall remain a mystery :) HA (I'm sure you can guess which end of the scale I'm at :) I'm crediting the actual loss in poundage to the walking, stress, sushi and coffee :)
"Before" (8 weeks pp)


"After" (HAHA- what, like 8 MONTHS PP???)

I myself, wanted to see a before/after... even though I still have a good 10 lbs to go before I'll call it good. And when you look at the pics side by side... ummm I'm still flabby... but, things are falling into place... ahhhh sigh....

Ummm....

To be totally honest I am probably not ever going to revisit the last 3 days of Disney... I am kind of proud that I even blogged about the first 4 days. There is just so much going on and I am trying my darnedest to keep up with it. It's tricky to go back in time and try to remember details of Disney World at this point... so there... sorry I know you were all dying to know what happened the last 3 days :)

Onto our busy lives. Ryan has been offered a job. We can't say much about it... but its an amazing opportunity. We're praying... PRAYING...WISHING...PRAYING...HOPING...PRAYING that he gets it. He flies out next Monday for the final interview. I will most definitely keep you all updated. Big changes could be happening.

Regardless of change (in location/job/housing,etc.) I was planning on having a garage sale this summer. Because of the recent job news we've decided to kick it into "second wind" and bump it up to next week. Like... next Thurs, Fri. Sat. This leaves me with a LOAD of stress and organizing. I keep going down to the basement and start looking around, wondering "WHERE DO I START?" You guys have no clue of how much we have accumulated over these years. I think we have owned every baby item there ever was to own (I think we have 2 swings, 4 bouncers, 2 jungle gym things, 2 baths, toys up to the wazoo, clothes ummm... yeah LOTS OF CLOTHES) and I just don't know where to start. Anyways, I have invited some good friends over on Wed. night to help me price the goods. And I'm inviting all of YOU to come SHOP the goods! It's gonna be massive, I will tell you that!

I have also been really busy with photography. Something that started out as just a hobby (which it most certainly still is) is starting to form into something else. What a blessing :) I am getting lots of referrals (thank you my lovely friends :) and I feel honored to be able to practice on such beautiful babies and couples. I have another baptism/dedication to shoot tomorrow... and THREE families next weekend (in the evening after the garage sale...busy, busy, busy, right?).

In the rush and chaos of things... I've got my kids :) Beautiful babies. Here are a few pics I took of Maeve this week. I brought Maeve to my parents, slapped a tutu on her and made her prance around. No pics of Henry because the bugs were so bad... buddy stayed inside with Papa :)




Amongst other things, I found this old table at goodwill. It was 1.99. I picked it up and it felt sturdy enough and for 2 bucks I figured what the heck. Brought it home, gave it a good coat of paint and distressed it a bit. It's now in our bedroom serving as our nightstand (which used to be a tv stand :) Ryan likes it and I'm proud... because the LAST furniture project turned into a mess (remember the yellow rocking chair that got left in the rain???? so sad).





I will update you on the job and location and all that good stuff as soon as we hear word. Please keep Ryan in your prayers as he flies and interviews... this job would mean a new life for our family (not in monetary terms) but in general- a new start, a new city... we just need it.

Update On the Queen of the Night.

Maeve- aka, "Queen of the night" has been doing *OKAY* in her re-adjusted big girl bed (we just turned her crib into a daybed). She stays in her room just fine- the problem? She's up off and on most of the night. It's actually quite humorous. In the middle of the night we'll (let me rephrase that- I WILL) hear the light flick on and then a few thump, thump, thumps. After about 15-20 minutes the light will turn back off and things will be quiet again. Hilarious kid. :) Let me also mention that it is now truly impossible to keep her room cleaned. We used to wait until she fell asleep at night, transfer her to our room and then clean up her room. NOW, since she is up in the middle of the night PLAYING, the room is constantly messy. Blah. She also likes to fall asleep in her "Rose Petal Cottage" and on her Tinkerbell couch. Basically every time we open the door its a guess as to what we're going to find. Here are some pics from the past couple of days of Maeve's nighttime adventures. :)


This was during nap time...

Sad, sad... "Make Way For Ducklings" one of my all time fave. books was found torn up on the floor this morning. :(

Hurricane Maeve...

"HI MOM! Look what I did to my room last night!"

The Day Has Come.

She did it. She climbed out of her crib- and landed on her feet this time. I have been dreading this day more than any other. More than potty training, more than taking the paci away, more than her first day at school (well her first day at school... will probably be at home since I am still gung-ho on homeschooling). But you get the idea- I've been living in FEAR of it. Maeve- out of her crib- at her own free will. Roaming the house. SCARY.

Here's the thing- ******so far***** she's been fairly good. At nap time, I put her in her crib and she immediately climbed out as soon as I shut the door. I went back in, put her back in the crib and left. Again, she was out within a second. I opened the door and she was sitting on the floor, quietly reading books. I thought to myself, "Well, I guess this is what naptimes are now- reading books and being quiet for an hour or so." Not more than five minutes passed and I opened the door to check on her again and she had climbed in her crib and was snoozing away. WHAT a sweets :)

I will have to update tomorrow on her first night in her BIG GIRL bed goes.

For now, here are some pics of Miss Maeve before bedtime.
(she was thrilled, to say the least to have a "new" bed)






I'm planning a trip to Target tomorrow to pick up some toddler bedding! AHHH!

Nursing Nightmare!

Actually let me rephrase that- NURSING HELL! Really, I'm not sure why I have such a hard time. I cry to the good Lord all the time about why my body can't just function like a normal lactating mother... This week has been just awful. PLAIN AWFUL. I can't express how much pain I've been in and how hard it is to take care of a newborn and a 2 year old with a 104 degree fever, the chills, aches... all that good stuff.

For those of you who have been lucky enough to dodge mastitis, BE THANKFUL. I would seriously rather go through labor again than deal with this horrible infection one more time. Henry is almost 3 weeks old and I've been running low grade fevers for about two weeks now. Yeah, the low grade fevers aren't fun at all... neither are the chills and that achy flu feeling, but I was getting by. Rewind to Tuesday night- my fever jumped up to 104, my right boob became ROCK HARD and boiling hot to the touch. Just thinking about feeding Henry (or pumping for that matter) made me want to vomit. In fact, one time while I was feeding him in the bath, I started dry heaving from the pain. I got on an antibiotic last night (thank God for Laura!!! I called her up at 8:30 PM and she called a script in to Meijers right away). Today I've kept the fever around 100-101. I am still incredibly achy and dealing with a few blocked ducts in my right breast. And really- if one more person tells me to "hang in there" I might scream. Clearly, they have not had mastitis 500000 times during their few months of breastfeeding (with Maeve I got it so much that I had to alternate between amox. and keflex on a weekly basis because I was building up such an immunity to them from taking the stupid meds all the time). I had high hopes this time around- after all, Henry is SUCH a better nurser. But for some reason my body produces such a load of milk that even a chunka chunk like Henry can't keep up with it all. Therefore I am left with backed up boobs. I'm only supposed to pump BEFORE a feeding (and only for a minute on each side) so I don't drown Henry with the flow of milk that comes out. And get this- with ONLY pumping before a feeding I accumulate about 30 oz of milk a DAY! Yeah.... MILK MILK MILK.

On top of all this, I am being the laziest mother on the face of the planet. My poooooor Maeve. She reads, does puzzles and plays with the stupid dog all day long while I lay on the couch begging Henry to eat. Henry has also invaded our baths. Laura told me to NURSE NURSE NURSE as much as I can in the bath because the hot water will make the milk come out better. It works wonders- it really does- but Maeve isn't happy about the "intruder" during tub time. I've had my mom and "GiGi" (MY grandma) come over and take Maeve to the toy store and to other fun places. But it seriously kills me every time she leaves. I feel like we're drifting farther and farther apart because of my breastfeeding issues. Wednesday we all went out for lunch (yes with me running a high temp and feeling like death)... I ended up having to leave in the middle of it because I didn't think I'd be able to drive myself home if I waited much longer. So my mom kept Maeve- I cried- no wait, SOBBED, through stupid Jackson Crossings as I'm walking back to my car with Henry. I seriously feel like the WORST mother right now!

If you thought this "vent" was over, you're wrong- it continues... yesterday we stayed inside the house all day (pretty much due to the cold- HOLY COW ITS COLD OUTSIDE!)- I noticed Maeve was picking at her diaper a lot. Just pulling at it, itching, that sort of thing. I asked her if she needed a change and she just said "diapers!" I took that as a yes, so I changed her. Come to find out, she wouldn't let me put a diaper back on. As soon as I took her wet diaper off, she started holding herself (down there) and crying saying "ITCHY! ITCHY!" What the heck??? I had horrible bladder infection problems when I was a kid, so my first thought was "OMG she probably has her first bladder infection." So I took a warm wash cloth and put it on her- it helped for a little bit but after 15 minutes or so, she was back to wailing about her "pee pee." Hmmm... I was totally perplexed. THEN the real horrendous part started- Henry started to fuss (feeding time!) and as SOON as I put Maeve down on the couch, she knew I was going to pick Henry up. She clung to me like white on rice! I mean really- I could not get her off of me. AND I felt horrible trying to peel her off- especially if she was sick! My already very, very hot face and head got even hotter as my mind was reeling about how to handle this. Do I pry Maeve off of me and run go grab Henry and try and feed him? Do I comfort my sick kid? Well I thought I'd try to do both... HAHAHA. I had Maeve clinging to my WAIST- my WAIST!!! And I had Henry in my arms- as soon as I sat on the couch and tried to nurse him she did this bear hug sooooo tight I couldn't possibly get Henry on the boob! My last resort was to call my mom... my mom came right over (yeah for moms!- she lives a second away!). SHE took Maeve and dealt with her potty problem and I nursed Henry. Once Henry was all set, I went back to Maeve to try and figure out what was going on. I couldn't think of what the heck it could be- but I didn't want her running around nakie. So I put a pair of undies on her (I had bought them for Christmas but.. they were desperately needed yesterday). AHA! That did the trick- as soon as I put them on her she peed- and she peed a LOT. It turns out she just didn't want to pee in her diaper or the potty. Oh good Lord. What a time for this to flare up. I'm all for potty training but not while I'm sicker than death itself.

I think I will conclude my vent now. There will be no new pictures for awhile- Maeve decided to break my camera. :(

Oh- last thing- I need some advice/help! How do you breastfeeding moms NOT stink like sour milk all the time??? I am literally washing my bras once a day just to keep them from stinking to high heaven. But with all the washing, its totally ruining the bras!!! Also- do you guys wear bras to sleep in? I was told not to because it could be a reason my ducts are clogging so easily- but I'm 100% confident if I don't sleep in a bra, not only will I be washing my bras every day but a load of sheets as well.

quiiiick update!

Ryan took Maeve to the grocery store and Henry just finished off a boob :) SO I'll take this rare quiet moment to blog about what has been going on:

-my episiotomy is feeling fantastic- no really- I am shocked at how well I feel (physically! emotionally I have been hit with those lovely baby blues) I was more nervous about healing from the episiotomy than I was about the actual delivery! weird... but it was so painful last time! THIS time however it was only a 2nd degree cut- with Maeve it was a 3rd degree... I'm sure that's the difference.

-soooo about those baby blues... ahhhh I hate them! I cry about everything. Lets see... breakdowns to date: not being able to play with Maeve every second of the day like I used to. Getting a fever on Saturday night due to engorgement. Having to get Maeve McDonalds tonight. Weighing myself on the scale the night I got home from the hospital... oh and probably a thousand more.

-I have lost a whopping 27 lbs in a week- HOLY FLUIDS RIGHT???? I weighed myself the night I got home from the hospital and I had only lost 3 lbs. (breakdown ensued soon after) but I stayed off the scale for a few days and braved it again last night- WOW was I surprised to find that I was back in the 150's!!! WAHOOOOO! Only 28 more lbs. to go.

- ALL I've been wanting to eat is yogurt, yogurt, yogurt. Strange because that's all I wanted after I had Maeve too! My body must know how obesely large I am :)

-my boobs are killllllllllling me. WHY do I have such a hard time nursing??? This time, I'm not having issues with him latching on- he's a great latcher & sucker! However, I am soooo engorged. I am having to express and pump before and after every single feeding. If I don't, I will promptly start to run a fever, get the chills and feel like death.

-juggling these 2 kiddos is not as hard as I thought it would be- its just different. Things that used to take us 20 minutes now take us hours. We're also stuck at home because of the stupid episiotomy. (not supposed to drive for 2 weeks...) I've been going a little stir crazy but at the same time I'm not so sure I want Henry out yet.

-Ryan is officially the most amazing husband & dadda ever. I have fallen even more in love with him. He is so selfless its unbelievable. He has been playing Mr.Mom & my caretaker. He is there with tylenol, water and an ice pack for me, then turns around and is changing Maeve's diaper and running back in to grab Henry to change his dipe! What would I do without him?

- My mom told me that right after Henry was born she went over to take pictures but the nurse said "don't take pictures right now; he's not breathing." Thank the Lord I didn't hear that or know that until now. It makes holding this blessing mean even more (if that's even possible!)

-Henry's circ is healing up wonderfully and I'm sure he'll be pleased someday to know that I posted about it! On the other hand, he's got something gunky going on in his eyes. I called the doc this morning... they want to see him tomorrow.

-speaking of tomorrow morning... it will be my first outing BY myself with two kids. I.AM.SCARED. (and yes, I'm breaking the rule of driving. Lets just hope I don't run into Dr. P again!)

-My favorite thing to do now a days (besides cuddle with Henry) is take a sitz bath and read all my gossip mags. ahhhh wonderful.

-I am also enjoying doing all those "bad" things you can't do while preggo! I've had a COLD turkey sandwich two days in a row now! No fears of listeriosis here! :) I also had a glass of wine on Thanksgiving which gave me the worst headache ever. AND I've been taking super hot baths. soooo bad right? :)

-Maeve is being.....strange?! I can't figure the kid out. She seems to like having Henry around. She likes to ask "Where's baby?" but on the same hand, she kind of just ignores him... totally steering clear of him. Hmmm...


WELL... that's all I can think of for now. I will update more, ummmm at some point! :)

-

First Few Days of Oct.

It's funny- I am SO ready to not be pregnant and meet this little guy, but on the same hand its a bit depressing to know that my one on one time with Maeve is slowly coming to an end... okay, that's REALLY depressing. We have a great schedule worked out and each day is a blast with her- and I'm really not exaggerating- sure, we have tough days but I truly, truly enjoy our time together and I wouldn't trade a minute of it. With all that said, I've been packing our calender and days with things that I know we aren't going to be able to do once the turkey makes his appearance (at least things we won't be able to do right away...).

A few days ago, Maeve and I took a trip up to Chuckie Cheese- it was SO MUCH FUN! She played hard for a couple of hours and zonked herself out on the way home. We've also been soaking up these last few days of "nice" weather ("nice" meaning its not raining...) and going to the park. I'm not sure what's going to happen when it snows and we literally cannot go outside to play. Maeve will not be a happy camper... I've also been on this cooking/baking kick- and while Maeve can't sit there for the whole 30/45 minutes it takes to make something, she does like pouring things in the bowls, licking the mixers and eating the finished product. :) Just this week alone, we've made pumpkin spice cookies, chocolate chip oatmeal raisin cookies & those amazing apricot bars I blogged about a few weeks ago. (I know what you're thinking- "Ashley if you're going to be cooking up all that stuff don't complain about your weight anymore!"


Maeve holding a box of cookies we baked for Dadda...

Tuesdays have quickly become my favorite night of the week- strange, because its the one night Ryan's not home- he has night class until 9:50. When he first registered for that class I was upset, thinking "WOW that's going to be one packed day of no rest and all play for me!" But it's turned out to be a wonderful thing. I call it "Maeve & Mom day." We go out for dinner (no sense cooking for just us)- usually its "Culvers"- I love their chicken sandwiches and Maeve gets a free scoop of custard. We also visit my mom out at the studio and Maeve gets to dance with the big girls for a little bit. Then we either come home, take a bath and watch a movie until Daddy gets home (yes I let her stay up to see Ryan- she is SUCH a daddy's girl and loves it when he tucks her in at night :) or we run some late night errands. Last week we went to "Michaels" to pick up some craft supplies for her upcoming birthday.:) I know once the baby comes, our sweet little Tuesday nights will no longer exist, so I'm really trying to take advantage of them while I can.

Another big hit around here has been "colors" (aka coloring). Maeve BEGS to "colors" all day long. Not a big deal right??? That's what I thought, but its really, REALLY not a good idea to leave a 2 year old alone with a pack of crayons. She had never really strayed from the coloring book (maybe a little on the table here and there) but the other morning while I was making breakfast and Maeve was using her "colors" she snuck in the hallway and did her "colors" all over the wall... and of course it just had to be a red crayon. So this makes for a dilemma- the kid wants to color ALL THE TIME but I can't have my eyeballs glued to her 24/7- especially when I'm in the kitchen either cooking or doing dishes (there's a big wall that separates the kitchen from the living room). There have been many tantrums pitched because I won't let her color while I'm in the kitchen unless she's in her high chair (and of course she refuses the highchair...so bring on the tantrums).

Maeve & her coloring destruction. I really don't find it to be a big deal... it comes right off with those magic eraser things. But Ryan, who is set on selling this house is kind of going nuts finding random drawings on the floors, walls, cabinets, etc.
Weekends are filled with what else, but football. I'm not going to try and hide it- I couldn't care less about football (or any other sports except for the Olympics). It's funny, I see a ton of my girlfriends on facebook with "football-ish" status's and no matter how hard I try, I can't get excited or even interested in it. My husband however, is addicted. Therefore, football is on the tv all the time. He's even taught Maeve how to scream "TOUCHDOWN" and throw her hands in the air. He is more pleased with this than he is with her ABC's or counting to 10. Hmmm... Today is the big MSU vs. U of M game and just to bust his chops I'm rooting for U of M. I also dressed Maeve in gold & blue today :) haha... And trying to get in the spirit of the game, I made a big football food spread... my husband is very happy :) And he'll be even happier if MSU wins.




Our mini football party... Maeve LOVES playing with the black olives (what kid doesn't?) I'm not sure how much food she actually ate, but there are squashed olives all over the living room...
Our next few weekends are packed- and I love it. It speeds the month up which brings me closer to November!!! Next weekend is Maeve's "real" birthday (OMG TWO!!!!!!!!) The weekend after that is her birthday party (invites are in the mail on Monday- I PROMISE!) The weekend after that, we're taking her to the zoo boo walk up in Battle Creek, and the weekend after that is HALLOWEEEEEEEEEN!!! We're also making a few trips out to "Flavor Fruit Farms," although that all hinges on the weather so who knows when exactly we'll make it out there. We've all been feeling pretty well lately and I'm crossing my fingers that it stays that way! There is so much to do and tons to get in... but I do have to say, I love fall... and I love how this fall is going so far.

Jessy's Garage Sale & the LUGNUTS!.... oh & some ketchup :)

Friday morning our good friend Jessy was having a giant (and I mean GIANT) garage sale. Maeve and I decided to stop by- I knew Jessy would have some great things that we could use and it would also be a nice chance to visit with her and the kids since they're moving to NC :( Both Maeve & I came out of the garage sale very happy girls! I got a green bumbo seat for the new baby (I had a purple one but something about purple & boys...I just couldn't put him in it!) and a huge bag of these adorable little Gap striped sets. Maeve hit jackpot when Olivia showed her this giant "DORA the Explorer" house... and all the trimmings. I knew the last thing we needed was more cluttery toys but Maeve just L-O-V-E-S Dora and I thought it would be sweet to have an old toy of Olivias. So we got that too :) And this house (well as Ryan puts it, the Dora VILLAGE, because its so huge) has been the hit of the weekend so far! Every time she comes into the living room she goes "OHHHHH! DORRRRRA!" We're still deciding where its final "home" will be- meaning its gotta be moved off our coffee table at some point. But I really don't want to clutter up Maeve's room any more than it already is... so it might just take up a huge space on our floor somewhere...
here are some pics of Maeve & her Dora "village"






Friday NIGHT, we (my parents, brothers, cousin, Ryan & I) brought Maeve to a lugnuts game. I was excited for 2 reasons: FOOD & FOOD. I was craving a hotdog with mustard and onions, nachos & lemonade. I got all 3 :) Unfortunately it was a rainy, chilly night. Still though, it was a LOT of fun. Maeve did wonderfully- surprise, surprise for us! I thought by the end of the 1st inning we'd be heading up to walk laps with her. She really enjoyed watching the boys run around and all the music and lights. We were sitting incredibly close- which was a tad bit scary- balls were flying in our direction and I had this vision of a ball nailing either Maeve or I in the head. Thankfully all was good. After we ate (which took about 3 or 4 innings to do!) my mom and I walked Maeve around to the little kids park/section. How wonderful!! Its an entire area full of inflatables and activities for kids- Maeve burned off a lot of the sugar she had consumed in that little park! Instead of walking back over to our seats right away we decided to watch the game on this little hill- it was a great view and Maeve could run up and down, up and down. She also loved standing and climbing on the gate/railing and looking down- I got a lot of cute pictures :)
The night ended with fireworks and screaming- yes, screaming. Maeve still hates fireworks and these fireworks we're pretty dang close- so the little lady wasn't happy. After fireworks we hightailed it out of the park, walked the half a mile to the car (UGH) and drove home in a lovely silence (well Ryan & I were talking) due to a very tired bubba cakes. What a fun night!








EDIT- sadly the ketchup coupon is no longer available... luckily there is an AWESOME DIAPER DEAL THIS WEEK AT CVS & super cheap fruit snacks & free danimals yogurt at Meijers! I will update later with all the details! :)
***Even though today isn't Sunday- I just had to post this SUPER QUICK AND EASY "deal!" @ Meijers this week Hunts Ketchup is on sale for 1.00- print off as many Mejier Mealbox Hunts Ketchup coupons as you want, and wah-lah free ketchup!

Go HERE ... click where it says "Specials" in the little widget box on the right hand side of screen. It will take you to a rolling list of coupons... I believe the Hunts coupon is on the 3rd page.

stay tuned..

big changes are happening around the house! Maeve is getting a room overhaul (transitioning from a baby nursery theme to a garden/princess room- and yes, as I've been working on this, there have been lots of tears shed- how is my baby not THE baby anymore???) and the new baby's room (which was the guest room/computer/exercise room) has been completely gutted out- just as of last night- and is now empty and ready to be painted and filled with nursery stuff. Now I have to decide what nursery theme to go with... I have a few ideas but I change my mind daily. I hate cars, construction equipment, sports of any sort and zoo animals so all of those are completely out. Which leaves me with not a whole lot... but I've found a few cute ideas that I could live with. SO...... STAY TUNED! :)