oh sigh.

It has been a super rough week.  Are you getting tired of reading about my moaning and groaning?  I'm getting tired of writing about it.

So, apparently the more children you have, the more sickness you experience?  For example, Maeve will catch a cold, and we'll deal with a grumpy, cruddy feeling Maeve for a few days.  Maeve will be on the mend and then Henry will catch the same cold.... we'll deal with a grumpy, cruddy feeling Henry for a few days.  Henry will be on the mend, and then.... comes Stella.

Oh Stella, Stella.  She catches everything the older 2 get, but apparently because she's just a tiny babe, the colds that knock Maeve and Henry out for a day or two, knock Stella out for a week. 

Here's the rundown of our week:

Saturday:  Stella starts coughing/acting fussy/irritable
Sunday:  Stella's cough starts getting a bit worse... it pops up on my radar that she should probably be seen.
Monday:  Cough is still not sounding good... 1st doctors appointment.  Dr. Cline says she has croup and an ear infection.  We get put on amox. and are sent home
Tuesday:  Cough is horrible.  Irritibility is off the charts.  She's not eating.  Her breathing is scaring me.  Doctor appointment #2:  Dr. B says she's got bronchiolitis (basically the croup moved into her lungs), she's lost 7 ounces from not eating.  Breathing treatments emmence. 
Wednesday:  Cough is still bad.  But what is really bothersome is the chick isn't eating.  I am pumping everything out and she's literally NOT. EATING.  Doctor appointment #3:  Dr. Cline says she hears some pops, crackles and wheezing in her chest.  Orders lab work to rule a few things out.  (this included trying to get an IV in Stellas poor little arm... which took about an hour and a half)
Thursday:  Cough is still bad.  Still not eating.  Doctor appointment #4:  She's lost an entire pound.  But her lungs sound better and her ear is good.  Doc is perplexed as to why she isn't eating.
Friday:  Stells runs a low grade fever and still not eating great.  Doctor appointment #5:  She maintains her weight (still down a pound) but then proceeds to vomit all over the waiting room.  Doc says she has 12 hours to eat and hold it down otherwise we're on our way to Wolfson's (a children's hospital in Jacksonville).

By the grace of God, she started doing remarkably better Saturday.  Sunday she was eating great- and today (Monday) she's back to "normal."  (although I feel like I should knock on a thousand blocks of wood).

Part two of my (oh) sigh.

Last night after dinner, Henry was carrying an arm load of books, trucks, etc. while walking out of my parents house and into the car.  On the brief 15 foot walk, he some how managed to fall, twist his ankle (or something) and get hurt.  Like really hurt.  We debated all last night whether or not to bring him into the ER.  He wouldn't walk- he was whimpering like a puppy, and crawling.  I myself, sat down on the floor and cried.  I cried and cried.  And said out loud "ARE YOU FOR REAL GOD????"  We ended up giving Henry some lortab (from his broken arm back in September) and putting him to bed.

Henry woke up this morning with a 104 degree fever.  Yes.  You read that right.  He woke up with a swollen ankle and a 104 degree fever.  Throughout the day, its gone up and down- (on the low end 101, high end 104).  And the poor kid is still limping.  We can't figure out what is the real cause of his discomfort at this point- his foot/ankle or the fever?!?!?!  But he is using his foot more, so we've ruled out a break... (THANK YOU JESUS).

I am sitting here.  Alone.  In our room.  My head is pounding... I've got kidney pain (guaranteed UTI) I can't sleep.  I'm praying I can make it to a doctor before it gets to my kidneys or a kidney stone forms... eyeyeyeye. 

Sooooo... biggggg sighhhhhh.

And to slap a big dollop of icing on this piece of cake- on Jan. 1st we decided to go with the lower insurance plan.  Because, after all, the birth of Stella (our major medical expense) was last year- out of the way.  And there would be no need for such heavy coverage.  Within the first month, we've reached our deductible.  Between breathing machines, xrays, lab work and doctors visits.  Insane.

My prayer for my family tonight (and every night..every DAY) is that God gives us some health.  At least enough health that we can treat it with drugstore items, such as tylenol.  I can deal with teething, bumps and bruises.  But it feels like we've been put through the ringer... and I soooooo need out.

Thanks for reading my vent.

Here's to good health... (and dear Henry...my dear, dear son- please- no more injuries).

Missing Dr. B

After the bit with the kidney stones and UTI, I was supposed to follow up with a general practitioner. I started asking the (very) few people I know about doctors in and around town. I got a few names, and decided to go with the one I could pronounce- Dr. Connor.  I made an appointment with him, with basic expectations. 

Actually, let me rewind a second, and tell you about my relationship with my old doctor from Michigan, Dr. Bigelow. 

Dr. Bigelow, in my mind, is the wisest man on the planet.  He is gentle, kind, soft spoken and so caring.  He was friends with my grandparents, way back when (well back in the 80/90's)... I remember Dr. Bigelow coming to our house in the middle of the night when I was 8 years old and running a high fever, just to check and make sure all was well.  I remember him giving me high fives after an appointment and saying "See ya later alligator" and I'd respond with the whole bit, "Not for awhile crocodile." etc. etc. When my grandma was sick and in the hospital, he was there- whether he was scheduled to be or not.  He's always been more than a doctor to me.  He's been a confidant.  I've never been embarrassed to tell him anything and I always manage to get a few non-related (to ME) medical questions in at each appointment. (ie- "Dr. Bigelow?  Is it possible to get a popcorn kernel stuck in your throat and then have your throat grow a coat of skin over the kernel?")  And he'd answer me- dead serious- and then tell me to stop watching ER.  ;)

ANYWAYS, the point with my babbling about Dr. Bigelow, is that I knew- I KNOW, I would never, ever find another doctor like him.  Before we left I sent him a card, thanking him for everything he's done for me and my family over the years.  And I literally wrote, "You are the best doctor in the world."  Soooooo was I expecting to find another doctor like him?  No.  But I was at least hoping to find a good doctor.

The second I saw the office (which, let me tell you, took me about 20 minutes to find... sooo bad with directions) I knew it wasn't going to be a good experience.  I am pretty keen on these things.  The office reminded me of a medplus station.  A tad jankity with an 80's theme.  I wasn't liking it.

When the nurse called me back, she was less than friendly.  Another stark contrast from my experiences with Dr. Bigelow;  Doc. B has a great nurse- Kim.  The nurse from the 80's, junk clinic took my weight, blood pressure and pulse without saying a dang word.  I'm the kind of patient who likes to know how much I weigh, what my pulse is, etc. 

She put me in a room with a bunch of posters about karate.  Very strange... right?

Stella was with me and being a complete angel.  But even angels like Stellbells, have to call it like they see it- and after waiting 45 minutes in the karate room, she was ticked.  As was I.  Now, I am a respectful girl- especially to my elders.  Especially to elders who are doctors.  But by the time Dr. Connor made his appearance (an hour and a half later- no exaggerating) I could barely manage a smile. 

My first thought when I saw him was "Ichabod Crane."  Oh, and of course I couldn't ignore his heart shaped glasses... and no, really- I'm not kidding.

He said it was nice to meet me, and started to get my family history.  My mom has a history of melanoma, so he decided I needed to get a skin check.  I wasn't happy.  If I wanted a skin check, I would have gone to a dermatologist. 

After scanning over every freckle/mole I have, he concluded everything looked fine- and that the mole on my shoulder is a 3rd nipple.  Yes, you read right.  I have  a mole on the top of my shoulder that's the size of a pen poke- and he's telling me its a third nipple. Every bone in my body was saying "RUN OUT OF THIS PLACE!!"  But I had paid, and I wanted to make sure my UTI was gone.  So I stayed.

The next item on the list, was my anxiety.  I'm doing fine with it right now, but I have been diagnosed with GAD, so I thought it would be important for him to know.  This was my favorite part of the appointment.  He actually asked me, and I quote, "Have you been hitting the hard liquors to cope with your anxiety?"  I laughed and said, "Are you kidding me right now?"

The rest of the visit which took a good 20-30 minutes, was spent listening to a lecture about the benefits of Tai-Kwan-Do.  Don't get me wrong- I bet Tai Kwan Do is fabulous.  But again, NOT relevant to my UTI or kidney stones.

Around 11:30 (my appointment was scheduled for 9:30) I said that I needed to pick my kids up from the babysitter (my mom).  I high tailed it out of that office as fast as I could.  IMMEDIATELY I was on the phone with Ryan, cracking up about the freak of nature I had just encountered.  Ryan and I were both having a good laugh about this crazy experience of mine, when out of nowhere, I burst into tears.  I guess I realized (again) that being down here has really jumbled up life. 

I wouldn't trade our life for anything, but I so do desperately miss a few things from Michigan... Dr. Bigelow, being one of them.

I am still on the hunt for a GP (obviously will NOT be going to Dr. Quack-a-doodle).  I know its going to continue to take time to piece everything together down here.  But I'm confident eventually, we'll get it together.







----and on a completely different note- Chelsey's photo contest for this week-----


Fave. pic of September:

What a hard theme!  I took about 40000 pictures this month... but I really love the colors of this one. 

Stella's TWO Weeks... HOW???

Stella had her two week appointment today.  In my past baby experiences, we've always gone to the pedi's a few days after leaving the hospital.  The doc down here told us to just follow up with a two week appointment.

Technically she'll be two weeks on Saturday, but with the big storm coming (that's going to miss us...boo) the office wasn't scheduling appointments for Friday.  So... we went today!

We met our new doctor- Doc. Cline- she is really nice.  :)

Stella is doing great.  She left the hospital weighing 7 lbs 6 oz.  and weighed in at 8lbs. 9 oz today!  Length wise, she's exactly the same- 19 inches.  She has a slight umbilical hernia- which sounds bad but isn't at all.  It just means her belly button is going to stick out a little bit.  Henry's does the same thing... ;)

There are three things I love about the new pediatrician:

1. There are two waiting rooms- one for sick kids and one for well kids.  What a genius idea... why doesn't every office have this???  It was awesome being in a room with "well" kids- versus sitting with my newborn next to a "sick" kid...
2. There's a lactation consultant that you can request to talk to at any point.  I had a few questions today about engorgement and over producing.  She came right in and talked with me about block feeding.  I'm anxious to see if this will solve the problem of my crazy milk supply.
3. The office is on the island.  It's surrounded by palm trees and you can smell the salt in the air.  WAYYYYY cooler than an office in the city, right?

The only concern I had/have is the horrible flu that's invaded our home.  Ryan, Maeve and Henry have all been running fevers and coughing up their lungs.  Henry has been the only one to puke- I'm hoping he might have just eaten something bad?  I've tried to keep Stella separated from the sickies, but really- you can only do so much.  I haven't been letting the kids get in her face or touch her, but I do hold Maeve and Henry, tend to their sick needs and (after washing my hands) go back to Stella.  Stells hasn't shown any signs of sickness, but I woke up with a stuffy head this morning.  I'm worried I'll get whatever this bug is, and pass it on to Stella.

Overall, (minus the sickness) the past two weeks have been really good- sooooo much better than my post partum experiences with Maeve and Henry.  Maybe, since she's the 3rd baby, I finally have the whole newborn/juggling kids thing down?  ;)

 

PS- this is completely random and off topic- but I found a teeny, tiny dead frog on my living room floor today.  I have to say, this is the only thing I cannot stand about Florida- creatures, creatures everywhere.  YIIIICCCK.

friday night leftovers... the doctor's appt. version ;)

• The kids both had doc. appointments today.  I despise kids' doctors appointments.  I know there are mom's out there that don't get upset when their kid gets poked or scared by a throat swab, but I'm not one of them.  I always get this guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach when I have to pin them down for shots.   Anyways, today it was Henry's turn for shots.  Maeve was going for a UTI (which she doesn't have :). 
• I knew it wasn't going to go well, when Henry wouldn't sit on the scale for his weight.  We finally just called it an even 26 lbs and went with that.  The kid would not sit still for anything...  The head circumference was ugly too.  Any time you lie a kid down on those tables, I think they automatically think its shot time- or Maeve and Henry do anyway.  Henry started head butting anyone who he could reach.  All the while, Maeve is singing "B-I-N-G-O" as loud as she can... 
• I sweat like crazy in these appointments, but this one was particularly bad.  I think because I'm pregnant.  I could read the thoughts of the doctor and nurse, as both of my kids (one in a diaper, one in panties) were rolling around on the floor, climbing on the tables, etc.- "Oh dear Lord help this woman, who is about to bring a 3rd child into this world.  And for all that is good and holy, tie her tubes after the birth."  (or maybe that's what I was thinking...)  either way, it was a trip for sure
• Did you know a kid at 18 months should have 8 words?  Ayeyeye.  Whoops.  Henry has 3.  He says, "mama" and "dada" and "bye bye."  And sometimes if we're lucky he'll say "all done."  But since he's under the 8 word limit, he has to be seen by a specialist?!?!  Yeah- my mouth dropped open too.  I think we'll definitely try it, get his hearing checked out, but I'm not going to stress too much about it.  I know in my heart Henry is fine.  He interacts, socializes, communicates (in his own way)- he just doesn't have real English words yet...
• I think the most traumatic part of the whole appointment was when Maeve had to have her "pee pee" checked.  Ummm yeah.  I had to practically lie on top of her while Dr. Williams tried her best to look.  Maeve was screaming "NOT MY PEE PEEEE!"  It was not good.  But thankfully, we got any kind of infection ruled out (also thanks to a urine sample)- so its onward and upward with the potty training. 
• Henry actually did really well with his shots.  Although I think he might be getting the start of a fever... we just put him down and he felt warm. 
• Post doctor appointment, the whole fam (Ryan included) went up to Grand Rapids to file that notorious police report for my missing rings.  It feels awesome to have that done with, and I cannot WAIT to wear a wedding ring again!  But it was a TON of driving.
• We made an impromptu stop by "Chuckie Cheese" for the kids on the way home.  It cost an arm and a leg for some crappy pizza and 30 minutes of games, but they had a ton of fun.  Maeve especially, was having a blast.  It was nice to be out of Jackson and together doing (kind of) nothing.
• We're really, really close to getting a minivan... but my husband is the definition of a "careful spender."  Which is a good thing- because if it were just me, I would've bought the first van we test drove a couple of weeks ago.  We're going to look at another one tomorrow... I'm not a fan of car shopping.  I will be happy when we have a van and we can be done with the car lots (and people).
• I've had bagels for dinner 4/7 nights this past week.  I STILL don't have an appetite for "normal food"- such as tacos, or spaghetti (two staples in this house).  Therefore, either Ryan or I make a Paneras run at least a couple of times a week.   A bagel and cream cheese, and I'm good.  Oh and OJ too.
• I watched the Royal Wedding this morning and I am in love with Kate.  What a lady! 
• This morning, on the way to the doc, we passed my parents house.  There was someone mowing the lawn, and a woman with a couple of young kids running around the porch area.  Maeve, who's used to seeing no activity there, was very curious why there were "peoples at nana's house."  She said, "It's not closed anymore!  It's open for Nana!"  Ughh... sighhhh. 
• I am 24 weeks preggo and totally forgot to do a post this week about it... whoops!  I will post a picture tomorrow, I promise.
• On another preggo note, whenever I start to feel grouchy because I'm up for the 7th time to pee in the middle of the night, or I notice a new stretch mark, I think of my good friend (she'll will remain anonymous) who is due any second- and is measuring at 48 weeks for a single baby.  Bless her heart! 
• Do any of you watch "Sprout?"  I can't stand the freaking channel.  Really- every single show should be banned.  I think they compiled the most obnoxious voices they could come up with to create this channel.  Anyways, "Nina" and "Star" and "Chicky" and all those birthday people are getting on my nerves.
• Does anyone want my bird, Ponce?  He's great, but not packable...
• And lastly, here are some precious photos from tonight.  The kids were playing horses on our bed (disregard the crazy, messed up sheets...).  Besides Henry tugging on Maeve's hair a few times, and Maeve making the horses climb on Henry's head, they did really well together.  And as the sun streamed in, I thought "okay THIS is what its all about...ahhhhh!" 

ughhh... the woes of being a woman.

Today is my dreaded...(very much dreaded) biopsy of the ol' cervix (sorry dad- any other males who stumble upon this post today).

Ryan took the day off, so I wouldn't have to trap myself in the examining room with my two rabid-like children while getting my cervix examined and snipped.  For that, I am so thankful :)

I am also thankful that I got this message last night:
"sooooo......i got a sitter for the girls in the morning and i would like to take you to your biopsy.. if that is okay, that is. you might have a little cramping and when you said you were going by yourself, i didn't want you to. hope i am not out of line just inviting myself. :)"


{-from my dear Leslie }

After confirming over and over that yes, she was actually volunteering to come and sit in the waiting room of Dr. P's while I get my cervix looked at, we set the date :) haha :)

Along with the doc. visit, we'll be swinging by Starbucks for a pick-me-up, and hopefully having a little girl talk :)

Ughhhhh the woes of being a woman.

But at least I'm a woman with some amazing, AWESOME, incredibly loving friends :)

I will update you all on the appointment later!
  (because, you are dying to know how my cervix looks, I get it, I know :)


PS- if you haven't already, could you take a hot second to click on this LINK and then click "LIKE!"

there's nooooo denying.

The odds are stacked against me.

It's 9:30 here... the kids are finally asleep.

It's been a long day.

Both kids ran low grade fevers last night... 99 under their armpit, I noted it, but didn't jump on it.

This morning, I noticed Maeve had this chesty sounding cough. She's notorious for harboring pneumonia, so I called the doc. Maeve had an appointment for 1:00.

Then Henry started acting funny. He threw his food off his tray, was shaking his head around and well, just plain GROUCHY.

I called back, and asked to add on a kid. Luckily, they obliged and both kids were seen.

I honestly thought they'd say "Oh give them a few more days off the antibiotics and they should be feeling better." Instead, it was like a "Ground Hog Day" or something.

Both had their ears checked and throats swabbed.

BOTH have ear infections and strep...AGAIN... yeah.

Didn't we just do this last week???

BOTH are on the same antibiotic- (forgot the name)- but its a "more aggressive" antibiotic, aka "the kids are going to get bad diarrhea and diaper rash."

I am praying for the best. Preparing for the worst.

I've got their antibiotics, claritin, tylenol, motrin, and Bordeauxs Butt Cream.

I have FLORIDA on my mind.

I am picturing stepping off the plane and seeing my mom and dad :)

I can do this. I can do this.

Right??? :)



PS- this blog post counts as my "NoBloPoMo" for tomorrow.... ;)

peace, love and happiness.

While on the way to Maeve's doctor appointment, my G.Love was on shuffle this morning... this song fittingly came on:

"Peace, Love and Happiness"
why let this world weigh on your shoulders
pick it up push it off
before you let yourself colder
just look into the eyes
the good eyes of a child and see
that love rise like a river
and flow for a thousand miles
to give me some
peace love happiness


There are a lot of places I could go with that, but remember, its Monday- and I've stepped out of the weekend... :)

Maeve's appointment went really well- surprise, surprise! I juggled both kids, 4 shots (3 for Maeve and one for Henry- his flu shot) clothes coming off, clothes going on, Maeve screaming on one hip, Henry screaming on the other. But, we survived. I think I'm relating my airplane experiences to everything- ya know, if I flew with my two crazy kids, alone with 3 tons of junk, I can survive a 20 minute doctors appointment.

Maeve weighs 30.2 lbs. and is eeek.... maybe 37 inches? Shoot I forgot!

I DO remember that she is in the 50th percentile for both height and weight. Doctor gave me props for good eating habits... if she only knew Maeve survives off of cheese and fruitsnacks.

Nothing really event-worthy happened, just those dreaded shots.

The doctor always drops the "this is how many shots we need to do" bomb and my heart sinks... today it was 3 for Maeve. AND my pooooor bubba man- he was chillin' in his seat, and somehow got roped into getting the flu vaccine. I mean obviously, it was my decision, but I figured better limit my office visits to ONE instead of two. So I pulled his pants down and they stuck him. He's been screaming ever since- no really, he's been screaming ever since the shot.

Maeve was next- and she was a good girl. I thought for sure I'd be fighting her, but she just wrapped her arms around my neck and slumped down. She cried and waved "bye" to the shots and the nurse... ("BYE NURSE! BYE SHOTS! YOU GO NOW!") and then began the Maeve spree.

Target was our first stop... an Icee and cheetos (YUCK) is what she wanted. We looked through toys and books, and she wanted all these little dinky things that were bound to get sucked up in the vacuum cleaner. I tried to talk her into "Candyland," she said "no." Her "prize" ended up being a box of Junior Mints... I love this kid :)

I made a run by "Clothing Carousel" (insane, yes, considering that Henry had not stopped screaming- I must be immune to it or something...) but I found some awesome deals. Both kids got fall coats (funny I just realized they're both Old Navy coats- not that that matters, but cool I guess)- the coats (and specifically Maeves) are in AWESOME condition. I kind of dread buying winter coats- they wear them for one, crappy season and ruin them. This year I said I wasn't paying over 15 bucks for a coat. Both were under ten. Nice, nice. I also found jeans for skinny minny Maeve and two sweaters for Henry. The best part? I had credit there- so I didn't have to spend actual money. suuuuuweeeet!

We got home around noon... Henry screamed through lunch and threw his cheese and pretzels on the floor- very, very odd.

I put the kids down around 12:30/one or so... and was SO, SO excited to get an hour of ALONE TIME. I got in a good conversation with a friend (with screaming in the background...), was able to get some photog stuff done and then I realized that Henry was STILL screaming.

Henry IS STILL screaming, in fact. I called his doctor, ended up talking to the nurse who gave him the flu shot this morning- she assured me that it wasn't a reaction to the shot, that he was probably just sick or teething. SO guess who gets to make a second trip to Jackson Peds??? My whole plan/theory on combining the kids' shots in one visit has backfired. blah.

Thank goodness Ryan will be home by then and it will just be mr. man and I.

Happy MONDAY!

through the wash.

That's the best way to describe my mood/emotions right now?!? Like I've gone through the wash/spin/dry cycle? Make sense? Probably not... but I'll try and explain.

For two days, Henry has been acting "different." Here's a rundown of his symptoms:
-restlessness
-inconsolable
-not napping/not sleeping unless held upright or in carseat
-vomited twice (NOT spit up- but stinky PUKE)
-not drinking as much as usual


I was thinking it was teething. Call me a bad mom- whatever. I didn't think it was anything serious- just a mixture of teething & a bug. He had NO fever. While he was upright (sitting, playing) he was happy as a clam. I remember my wonderful pedi- Dr. Williams, saying to me once, "You know what a baby/child is really sick, when they don't play." Henry was playing fine- eating his solids- just not wanting his bottle, and not sleeping.

Last night, after 2 hours of screaming (and Ryan & I taking turns going in and out walking him around the room, sitting on the couch, etc.) I pulled on some sweats and said "I'm taking him to medplus. I think he has an ear infection." To be completely honest with you- I was beat (am beat) and I really didn't want to spend another night bouncing around the house, trying to console him. H was in his pjs- I thought this was going to be a quick in and out visit. I didn't even bother packing an extra diaper. Good GOD was I wrong.

We got to Medplus (on Lawrence Ave) around 9:45 (just Henry and I- Ryan stayed home with Maeve). I checked him in, paid our ridiculous 45 dollar copay and waited for a few minutes. We were the only ones there and I was thinking "just check his ears out, write us a script and get me to bed."

The doctor (the actual DOCTOR- not a nurse) called us back. He took his temp (97 something- fine) weighed him (told me he weighed 28.5 lbs) and gave him a quick exam. First red light that went off was that he weighed 28 lbs. I remember saying something like "What?? My 2 year old weighs 30 lbs." and the doc made some smart comment like "He must be a big eater..." ya know, something like that. I kind of just forgot about it, let it go.

The doc listened to his belly. 2nd red flag- he told me he couldn't hear any bowel sounds. Ummm... okay. His first "diagnosis" was that he had a bowel blockage. I had no clue what it meant- it didn't sound good, but didn't sound horrible. I was thinking, "okay... we can do this... now what?"

The "doc" (I will now refer to him as the "doc" because honestly I think he's a quack) ordered an xray to check for bowel blockages. We went in the xray room, and as I was holding my very cranky, 8 month old baby down for what seemed like FOREVER, Henry started to arch his back and crane his neck. I wasn't thinking a thing... well the quack came over and started jerking Henry's head all around. (cue tears from H & myself).

I kid you not- he moved his head a few times and said "I'm sending you to alliegence- we need to rule out meningitis." WHAT!?!?!!? I think my stomach and head dropped to my feet... I really don't remember the next few things that happened. I know I signed a paper- releasing him from medplus- I remember the quack calling the ER doc and letting them know I was coming with a "meningitis baby" (that's what he said). I remember shaking, while holding Henry- and the receptionist lady grabbing Henry so I could call Ryan and let him know what was going on. Midway during my phone conversation the quack said "Tell your husband you're probably going to end up at Motts." WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!

Now Ryan's crying on the phone- in pure panic- I'm sobbing- Henry's crying... what a frickin mess. I got off the phone with Ryan, grabbed Henry and started to make a beeline for the door- the quack stopped me, made sure I was okay to drive... I remember I kept saying "I just want to go- if he has meningitis I want to go now."
The quack then proceeded to tell me that the kind of meningitis he things Henry has is not fatal. I remember saying "Please don't say 'fatal' to me- and I really want to go now please." The quack kept "reassuring" me that the docs were waiting for Henry, and that right away they'd give him a catscan to check on the membranes around his brain, a spinal tap and blood work. (out of body experience- and swear words- that's all I remember at this point)

On the drive to the hospital I was tingly. I called Ryan and told him everything- he was on his way... I had totally forgotten to tell him to bring my klonopin. DANG!

I got to the hospital, ran inside with Henry and true to what the quack had said, there was a triage set up, waiting for us. Henry was categorized as a "4" (meaning most serious). We waited for a few minutes... I got a very nice visit from a friend/nurse (Chelsea- thanks so much for calming me down!:)

Back in the room, they hooked him up to the O2/heart stuff and we settled in. The doctor (Dr. Humphrey?) came in- and right off the bat, I had a good feeling. Now THIS doctor was fab. WONDERFUL. He came in, took one look at Henry and said "This is not a baby who has meningitis."

I remember breathing- like conciously taking a breath- or letting a breath out. He said we'd monitor him and keep an eye on him but not do anything aggressive (like the spinal or bloodwork) unless Henry spiked a fever. After a few hours, the doc came back and talked with us about doing a spinal. Ryan and I both said flat out- NO- that we'd either wait until the morning to see Dr. Williams or get a 2nd opinion. And the doc agreed completely. He felt comfortable discharging us as long as we kept an eye on Henry (like we don't:) and got him into Dr. Williams first thing in the morning.

We got home at (???? Lord knows what time????) and we all crashed. Morning came way too soon. But hearing Henry cry was a good thing :)

I called Jackson Peds. and they got us in right away. They weighed him, and lo & behold... Henry weighs 18 lbs. 5 oz. Medplus had him off by TEN POUNDS. TEN POUNDS!?!?!?! What in the world???? I was ticked.

I don't know if you (my readers) know the details of my cousin (Sean's) death or not- but basically he was given too much medication- they failed to weigh him correctly and he was overdosed with chemo. NOW- Henry was given NO medication- THANK THE LORD- but of course, I couldn't help but to have my mind drift back to the "what ifs." All I can say, is praise Jesus he wasn't given any meds based on his weight (besides motrin- which was fine...) But ummm... yeah, that's a stupid mistake that should not be made. Unacceptable.

Dr. Williams was ticked (to put it mildly). She took the name of the doctor at Medplus and her and Dr. Tim apologized for what had happened. I reassured them it was not their fault by any means- all that matters is that H is okay.

Now... Mr.Man DOES have something going on- we did a strep culture which came back negative- but Dr.Williams saw some red spots in his throat- leading her to think he's got "Hand/foot/mouth disease" ummm YUCK! But apparently, its very common, very contagious, very harmless.

The plan is to watch H. Make sure he doesn't spike a fever. Keep an eye on his neck movements and make sure he's taking in enough fluids.

What a vast change from last night.

Last night, I was told we'd be up at Mott's, watching Henry get a spinal. That he'd be hospitilazed for meningitis.

Today, we have a (semi) healthy (minus the FHM disease thing) boy, sleeping in his own crib. Playing with his sissy, grabbing my hair and drooling over everything.

So in the end... yeah I'm upset about the weight thing... about the meningitis crap... but really, all that matters is this:





I went through the wash and spin cycle. I am now drying out... thanks for the thoughts & prayers friends!

Acupuncture Round 2:

My latest addiction? Acupuncture. I look forward to acupuncture like I look forward to a hair appointment or a pedicure or massage. It is THAT relaxing- if not more- and THAT wonderful.

Today I had MOXA burned on me. I was more nervous about the Moxa than I was about needling. Dr. Bigelow gave me instructions to let him know the second it started to feel warm. I was thinking, "Shoot- somehow I'm going to screw this up and end up in the ER with burns...." Ye of little faith :)

I did great- (not to toot my own horn or anything!:) But woooooo! It was a trip! The Moxa smelled like another healing herb that grows from the ground :) and it felt amazing. Again- when its happening, you don't really FEEL anything- for a split second it feels super hot- but that's it. BIZARRE I tell ya! Here are some pics I took of my feet after the procedure- teeny, tiny little Moxa burn marks! :)



(The Moxa "burns" are those brown dots)

I am so encouraged by the acupuncture. I went into it feeling like it was a goofy thing I was going to try out of pure desperation. And now I'm feeling like it's really working... and, well, I'm addicted! :) I have 2 appointments a week for the next month. The really fab thing? My doc and I talk about my meds at each appointment and THEN he does the acupuncture treatment- which means, my insurance is covering it :) WOOOO!

Along with the Moxa treatment, I also got needling on my back (15!!!), 4 needles in my feet and 2 on my collar bone. I'm getting used to the achy feeling that happens when he hits a good point. The first time I had it done the achiness kind of freaked me out... but now I'm realizing that when its aching, its working :)

I strongly, STRONGLY encourage you to check into acupuncture if you're suffering from really, anything! I've been so intrigued with it- and have been googling & reading about all the different things that acupuncture can treat and heal. It's pretty amazing.

I think I mentioned in my previousa acupuncture post that I am recieving 5 element Acupuncture. I asked Dr. Bigelow what element I am and he wouldn't tell me the exact element he thinks I am! :( He said I'd go home and google it.. NOOO! haha... me? Never. He DID say that he sees a lot of "earth" and "metal" in me. (Which I promptly googled...) And found this:

The Earth Element


(Spleen, Stomach)





The Earth element embodies the harvest, a time for enjoying the fruits of our labors. Ultimately, the Earth is the foundation, center and provider of all nourishment; physically, the Earth element is responsible for the digestion and distribution of food and drink. This Element also helps the processing and transfer of information and ideas. The nature of this element is motherly, supporting, sustaining, and embracing unconditionally. The Earth element fosters our ability to appropriately care for oneself and others, encouraging stability, security, understanding, contentment, satisfaction, and abundance.


********************************


The Metal Element

(Lungs, Colon)

The crisp, cool air and decaying leaves of autumn characterize the Metal Element. Metal exemplifies quality, purity, precision, brilliance and richness. In nature, the Metal element is differentiated in the air, stones, metals and trace minerals which enrich the soil. This element regulates the respiratory system and the process of elimination, enabling us to breathe and dispose of waste and toxins. On a non-physical level, problems with these organs strengthens negativity, pride, vanity, arrogance and impure ideas which can contaminate the mind. The emotion associated with Metal is grief, which is felt when we lose something that we value. Nevertheless, a timely letting go of the old is necessary for new energy, inspiration, and quality to enter. Metal commands honor, virtue, respect and helps us know and appreciate our divine, radiant nature.


I also found this:

The Earth CF Personality
Earth personalities are the sort of people that might be regarded as dependable, "salt of the earth" or "earth mother" types. They are giving and love to be helpful. However when their own needs are not being met they tend to become insecure and needy. They have a propensity, when out of balance, to be the world's greatest worriers and complainers as they desperately seek for their needs to be fulfilled.

Because of the spleen's role in distribution of nourishment, imbalances in Earth can lead to addiction to sweet foods and consequent weight gain. However it can also lead to food avoidance, " I can't eat when I am worried" malnourishment and all that this implies. Excess worrying can damage the Earth element and for that reason, needs to be avoided.

****************************
The Metal Personality
The Metal CF person is often a perfectionist or somebody who appreciates the finer things in life. Their inner feeling of emptiness or lack may be compensated for by an external show of finery, jewelry, fine clothing, a taste for the highbrow.

They may be quite judgmental and can seem remote and cut off. They can also have a sarcastic sense of humor that can be quite cutting. Their search for perfection in themselves can be like being on a continuous treadmill, since perfection is rarely achieved. Their confidence is often just skin deep and so they can be easily hurt if they experience lack of respect from others.

The striving for perfection can become excessive and when out of balance the metal CF personality may descend into the most awful state of chaos, never able to throw things out or let go of the outmoded.



OMG. I got CHILLS when I read those descriptions. Not like I am proud to admit that at times, yeah I'm selfish- but those fit me to a "T." I read them to Ryan and he couldn't even try to hold back his smile- he said "Ummm yeah. That's you." Crazy! I just find it all to be so interesting...

Poke...poke...poke

I had acupuncture done today. And I just have to say... it was amazing.

It's no secret that I have anxiety. BAD anxiety. And after switching meds 3000 times, I told my doctor something else needed to be done. He suggested I try acupuncture. Five Element Acupuncture to be exact.

I was SO excited. It took a few weeks to get in to my doc (because the session is 2 HOURS!!!) so I was pumped when today arrived. ANYTHING to lessen my anxiety and I'm pumped. :)

My doc started off with asking me a zillion questions. I had a mini meltdown telling him about evvvverything. (I mean- we delved into Sean's death and other traumatic moments...) He asked, "What brings you the greatest joy?" And I answered, "My kids. My kids, Ryan... a day at the zoo with them. Just being with them." (kind of rambling...) Then he asked, whats a stressful situation for you? And I thought for a second, smiled and answered, "Ummm my kids. Yeah- that day at the zoo? That would be stressful." :)

Now- let me make it perfectly clear that my kids DO NOT MAKE ME STRESSED. I have anxiety- so having kids provokes a lot of it. For example- when Maeve is rolling on the floor of McDonald's (ummm yeah- that really just happened the other day) my mind isn't thinking "Oh that's gross." MY mind is thinking "OMG she's probably picking up thousands of germs and bacteria- what if one of those germs is one of those 'super-bugs' that invades your body and... Or what if someone stepped in dog poop, then traipsed across the McDonald's floor and now Maeve is going to get some horrible disease from fecal matter... " Yeah- you get the picture. My brain is constantly in hyper-mode. I can't slow it down. It is running through crazy scenarios and outrageous thoughts.

When I first brought Maeve home I didn't sleep. No- I mean, I really didn't sleep. And NOT because I was up nursing her. Oh yes, I was up nursing her, but in between nursing sessions I was watching her. Making sure her chest was rising and falling in perfect rhythm. I thought surely the second I took my eyes off of her, she'd stop breathing.

This cycle of thinking continued and eventually led to ummm... lets call it my mini-breakdown :) It wasn't a full out breakdown- it was more like I finally realized that my obsessive thoughts and anxiety were controlling me... and I wanted free.

Then began my journey into medications.

Zoloft. Ativan. Lexapro. Klonopin. Effexcor. Celexa. Xanax.

I did find a combo that worked (Lexapro & Klonopin) for awhile. But last month it kind of stopped working. I was needing to take my klonopin more and more (which is NOT a good thing) So back to my doc I went... begging for a different answer- something OTHER than medication. Because obviously, something just wasn't working.

He calmed me down... put me on a dose of prozac and began to tell me about acupuncture.

Now here I am today. I am currently taking 40mg of Prozac and feeling great. I take my klonopin as needed- usually .5mg or .25. AND I have now ventured into the world of acupuncture. I think I'm addicted.

I wasn't nervous about the needles at all. I was nervous it wouldn't work. That this would be yet another avenue of failure.

Dr. Bigelow told me not to expect much from the first session. He wanted me to get used to the needles. The session was more of a class- he spent a good hour just asking questions about my history and telling me all about Chinese medicine.

Pretty soon it was pokey time... He put one needle in each hand, one needle in each foot and one needle on my scalp. And I kid you not- I DID NOT feel a single poke. I felt pressure but it almost felt good- like that achy kind of pressure when you're muscles are sore from working out... very strange.

After the needles were in, he left me alone for 10 minutes- with strict instructions NOT TO MOVE. :) I was dying to take a pic w/ my blackberry but didn't want to dislodge a needle...

During my 10 minutes of having needles in me, I felt really loopy. Almost like my eyeballs were rolling around and around. And I felt waves of tingles in my hands and feet. You'd think it would be creepy or uncomfortable. Instead- I wanted to lay there all day with those needles stuck in me.

After the needles were removed, I scheduled 4 more appointments for treatment. I am so excited and hopeful that this may give me some relief. Doc said next treatment he will be using something called Moxa. Sounds interesting :)

As crazy as all this sounds (Chinese medicine and the 5 elements, etc.) I felt different leaving the office. I felt calm. Doc Bigelow told me not to get too excited because it usually takes several treatments to really feel something. But I am confident... (well as confident as a pessimistic person can be :) that this could be something good.

Anyways, I wish I had pics to show you. It's unlike me to experience something and NOT take a picture.

I will keep you updated on my journey through acupuncture! My goal is to be klonopin free!!! Wish me luck ;)

Oh- and a few people have asked who Sean is/was. Here's alink to a post I wrote about him- well there is a lot of other stuff jumbled into that post as well.. But there's a pic of him :)

"So WHAT HAPPENED???"

Haha... this is the question that I've been getting asked for the past day or so... let me just tell you (and document for my records) the events of last night :)

Around 4 or so, I started to tidy up a little before Ryan came home (at 5). Just moving some stuff around, picking up toys that the kids had thrown all over the place... ya know. Henry was on a blanket next to the bed... I was trying to move THIS thing from our room back out and into the living room. The edge of the farm caught on the door... I went tumbling over the top of the farm, stuck my left hand out and completely jammed up my left arm. I stood up right away and looked at it- it didn't look deformed or anything but as soon as I tried to straighten it, it felt super funky. I had never broken a bone before so I wasn't sure if this is what it felt like or not... strange- it was painful, but more than anything it was uncomfortable- ya know? That difference between SEVERE, SEVERE pain and that annoying discomfort? Well I had a teeny minute of severe pain but it quickly switched to annoying discomfort. But I guess it was uncomfortable enough for me to call up Ryan and tell him I thought I had hurt it pretty bad. He of course panicked and was like "Well lay down- don't move- don't get lightheaded, etc..." :) I laid down on the bed- Henry was on the floor (THANK GOD in a good mood, entertaining himself with his feet- I was not sure how in the world I'd pick him up if I had to). While I waited for Ryan to come to the rescue I called my mom to tell her she might need to watch the kids... so of course she came right over. Then I got upset because I started remembering watching those ER shows where they pop bones back into place and I DID NOT want to have that done.

Ryan got home and took a look and said "Yeah... we better get it checked out." With the images of "bone setting" flashing through my head I was saying "No I think its alright... lets just wait." BUT we ended up going because my mom was there and she could watch the kids... better to be safe than sorry I guess.

We went to medplus- I had a doc named Dr. SICKOLY- I am not kidding- (maybe his name was spelled SICOLY but you pronounced it "SICK-OLY"- and I got a kick out of that). They xrayed me right away... Doc came in with my elbow xrays first and pointed out that I had chipped the EPYPHISIS of my humerus and had a pretty good sized hairline fracture up it as well. He told the nurse to splint it and wrap it to my body in a sling... all that good stuff. I thought I was on my way, but then he came back in and said he wanted one more pic of the hairline fracture. SO back to the x ray room I went- to have my arm twisted some more... um...OUCH. Turns out the hairline fracture was actually a Greenstick fracture. And the doc didn't like how close it was to my "fat pad" (he used the word "fat pad" about 300000 times...I was getting ticked.)- apparently the fracture could splinter INTO my FAT PAD and that would be bad. So he sent my xrays off to the hossy for a radiologist to take a better look.

We came home- I popped my motrin 800 (YAHOO) and went to bed- no news is good news I suppose- because we never heard back that I needed to have it casted. But I am supposed to go to my PCP tomorrow for him to make the final say. I will get on my knees and beg if need be to NOT HAVE A CAST. I can't even manage to keep this stupid splint on. (its off at the moment... because yes, I just HAD to type on the computer today...) No really though- I had it on for awhile and this morning went to get Henry out of his crib and I couldn't do it. I COULD NOT pick him up without using 2 hands/arms! So I took the splint off and I can't really figure out how to wrap it all back up and secure it to my body.

All in all, I'm doing really well. The pain is like a 5 on a scale of 1-10. Totally manageable. It only REALLY hurts when I put pressure on it. Otherwise its just that annoying throbbing pain.

Soooo... there you have it. Another "Ashley" injury to add to the list. Thanks for all the well wishes and thoughts :) I'm really fine though- I am sore of course but going about my daily stuff. Visited Angie & Layla (and got a Leslie surprise!) and went to the store for bottle liners... really, I just feel like a dork for tripping over the farm and sticking my arm out to catch my giant body... SPEAKING of giant bodies... OMG so I know I had my purse in my hands, I was in a sweatshirt and sweatpants and had shoes on AND it was at the end of the day AND I'm like a day away from getting my monthly visitor, BUT yeah I guess I've put on some more weight. Funny because I was just going to do a post about how my weight won't go anywhere- not up or down... just staying at the same number. Well... I guess it can go up. Fabulous. And now with the elbow injury (dear Lord) who knows when I'll get to running??? I think I'm just destined to be one of those fat moms in mom jeans (or sweats in my case) for the rest of my life... Blah...

Mr.Man's WCC

Henry had his "well child check" yesterday morning (preceded by my Michigan heart appointment... more on that later).

He was a happy babe through the whole appointment... we got the go-ahead for SOLIDS- not just rice cereal (which I started a couple of weeks ago) but SOLIDS- WOW! I was shocked and happy! :) When Dr.Williams asked how much food he's taking and I replied with "ohhh, about 30-35 oz." She looked a little surprised and said it was time to start him on some stage one foods :)

This kid means business when he eats and I had this feeling he needed more than just his bottle. We're on day 2 of peas and he's loving them. And I mean, LOVING THEM. He attacks the spoon and has the strength of 10 babies as he tries to shove the goods in. And here's what shocked me most- he eats the peas like he's been eating for years. He, on his first day of eating solids, did better than Maeve ever really did with baby food. He knows just how to take it in, gum it, and swallow it. He's definitely a foodie.

He got 1 out of 2 shots yesterday and he took 'em like the manly man he is. Just a few quick tears and then was settled as soon as a paci was stuck in his mouth. We didn't get the prevnar because apparently its been recalled. Scary. But Dr. Williams told me that it was recalled because of the color of the caps. Hmmm... anyways glad we avoided that one for now because as the nurse put it, "prevnar is the 'bad' one." I am all for vaccinating, but it still scares the heebie jeebies out of me that one of these days the vaccinations will be proven to cause something in kids.

ANYWHO, onto big boy's stats:

at 4 months (and a week) Henry is weighing in at 15 lbs. 2 oz. (50th percentile in weight)

he is 26 inches long (75th percentile in height)

and... totally forgot his head circumference. I DID ask for the doc to make sure it looked okay because to me, it looks a little bulgy but she said it was on track and all babies have a little bit of head distortion. She said the more he's on his tummy the more it will "even out."


Milestones:
rolling from front to back
rolling from back to front
cooing/laughing/"talking"


His skin is looking AWESOME! YEA!!!!!!! Dr.Williams thinks its a combo of the 5% cream and the weather. She told me to continue using the cream ONLY on the "bad spots" as needed. She also told us to continue with the zantac.

...and that about sums it up right now :) Again, we're thankful and feeling incredibly blessed to have 2 healthy & happy kids.

The Heart Of The Matter.

Oh where to start? How about... July of 2007. I was very- and I mean VERY pregnant with Maeve. I had been having an easy, breezy pregnancy (minus the horrific morning sickness) when all of a sudden I was HIT by some crazy heart palpitations. EVERYONE has had a heart palp or two (me included, previous to July of '07) but these were OUT OF CONTROL. One after another- the best way to describe it is if you were to have a handful of marbles and drop them - each one kerplunking at its own speed. My heart had nooooo rhythm to it at all. It was just skipping along to its own beat. Of course I called Dr.P right away and was seen; I was told it was anxiety. (hadn't heard THAT one before!!! :) I tried my hardest to go on with normal life, but I could hardly function- my heart palps were making me weak and out of breath. Super scary stuff.

One particularly HOT, August afternoon (it was right during registration at the studio- I believe I was 8 months preggo) I went to the bathroom and as I sat down it felt like every drop of blood in my body raced up to my head- all in one, swift, sweeping motion. BIZARRE. The stall started to spin, my heart started to race and I began seeing splotches. I stumbled out of the stall and told my sister (Emily) she needed to drive me to the ER asap. Something wasn't right.

We got to the ER (Ryan was right there with us- thanks to a few frantic cell phone calls) and I had to be taken from the car by wheelchair (talk about drama!) Questions were being shot at me left and right (yeah- no triage- just whisked right on back! I always joke with my friends & fam- if you need to get into the ER fast, stick out your gut like you're preggo and tell them you can't breathe and having a heart attack! :) "Any allergies? How far along are you? Who's your doc?" etc. etc. etc. By the time we reached the room I had electrodes stuck all over me (ankles, chest, back) and was hooked up to an EKG. Literally within SECONDS, they had a reading and took it to the cardiologist on call. I had 3 or 4 nurses shuttling around the room (one sticking an IV in, the other gathering info, one hooking up the O2/heart rate monitors) and a doctor who was standing back watching the monitor. When my heart rate finally started to bleep on the screen at an alarmingly fast pace (somewhere in the 180's) they decided to push some ativan. After a dose, my heart rate came down and hovered in the 110 area- and it has stayed there ever since- I KID YOU NOT. I could stop my ER story here... and just continue on with what is happening today, but I'm sure some of you are a little bit intrigued about the rest of my frantic visit to the hossy, right? :)

After things had calmed down a bit, Dr. Zande (the cardiologist on call) came in and talked with us a bit. By this time, the room was filled with my dad, sis & Ryan (mom was in K-zoo)- we all listened as he talked about TACHYCARDIA and PVC's (aka Premature Ventricular Contractions). I ended up spending the night in the hospital. I got an echo & they made sure that none of my symptoms were being caused by underlying preggo conditions (such as Pre-e...). We left the next morning with a script for a beta blocker and an appointment at Michigan heart. I seriously couldn't believe that this was happening to me- EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT. The only way I could get my mind off of that horrible night was a swing by Dunkin Donuts... so we did... a swing-by, that is :).

The next week at Michigan Heart I was fitted with my very own HOLTER MONITOR. Think sleeping at 8 months preggo is uncomfy? Try wearing one of these suckers! IT WAS AWFUL! And I truly wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy (well, maybe my worst:) I wore the monitor for 72 hours... it recorded my skippy heart and I was FORMALLY diagnosed with PVC's. THANK GOD they were benign. I was given the go-ahead for a natural delivery (I did have to be hooked up to a heart monitor but at least no c-section!) and I was taken off the beta blocker. My cardiologist did warn me if the palps didn't go away after the pregnancy, I'd have to have an ABLATION. I thought positively and focused on the impending birth of my little lady. My delivery with Maeve was awful (you all know that) but praise the wonderful Lord, my heart palps completely disappeared about two weeks after I had her. WAHOOOOOO! NO ABLATION!

Fast forward to October of 2009. My ENTIRE pregnancy with Henry was pretty great (minus the normal aches and pains- oh and the horrible swollen monster I had become- OH YEAH and all the urine jug tests for pre-e...BLAH) anyways, no heart troubles- UNTIL October-ish. I remember getting a few- and thinking "Its okay! These are BENIGN! AND THEY WILL GO AWAY JUST LIKE THEY DID AFTER MAEVE WAS BORN!" Big man was born, (Nov. 23rd) and my heart palps were still making their presence very much known. NOW, here I sit at 12 weeks (or 13 weeks?) post partum STILL dealing with a "skip to my lou" heart problem. Monday though, I decided I had had enough and made a doc. appointment with the best doc in town (Dr. Bigelow :).

I was totally thinking Dr.Bigelow would once again diagnose them as benign PVC's and send me on my way with some more anxiety meds (after all- anxiety is what the root problem is...or so I thought). Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. He listened to my ticker, and listened some more, and some more. I was starting to sweat bullets. And those dreaded words "I think I heard something" came out of his mouth.

Me: "Ummm, heard what?"

Dr.Bigelow: "Something that a doctor doesn't want to hear."

Me: "Okay..."

Dr. Bigelow: "You're having some definite rhythm disturbances and I'm not going to try and diagnose with you with one thing or another but I am going to refer you back to Michigan Heart."

Me: "Right- so they're benign though?"

Dr.Bigelow: "I can't tell you that- but I will tell you your heart is having rapid accelerations and decelerations within a short time period and that can be pretty stressful. Also your resting heart rate is 110. That's a tad high."

Me: (thinking...yeah I knowwwww its accelerating like mad & YEAH 110 SUCKS for a heart rate!!)

Dr. Bigelow had a talk with me about trying to relax as much as possible- no exercising (can't get my heart rate any higher at this point) and I was put back on a beta blocker. We also talked about the dreaded ablation. Of course, it will be the cardiologists call, but with the way my heart is ticking now-a-days, I'm kind of getting desperate for anything....even (YIKES) the ablation.

SO....here's the rundown in case you missed anything:
I am.... 25 years old. A NON-smoker, NON-drinker (besides the occasional glass of wine or beer), 15 lbs. overweight (baby weight I like to call it :), and I am on a BETA BLOCKER!?!?! Aren't those for old people??? Oh yeah- along with my lexapro, klonopin, and "the pill." WOW. Just call me a walking pharmacy.

After getting some bloodwork done I headed home thinking about going through the holter monitor and echo and alllllll that other junk once again. I also started thinking about the ablation (which my mom is coincidentally having done tomorrow). I am sick of meds. I am sick of monitors. I am sick of my heart doing this to me. ANYONE out there with a heart condition that alters how you feel physically (for me- it makes me feel light headed, drained, dizzy, spacey, tingly, out of breath) I FEEL for you. This is AWFUL. I don't have time to be down. I don't have the energy to deal with this. I am so discouraged right now. Discouraged that the palps won't just GO AWAY. And STAY AWAY. Discouraged that I take such good care of myself- making it a POINT to take my vitamins, not smoke, not drink excessively, not eat crappy foods, being active, etc. and here I am stuck with this. NOT FAIR :(

Okay... so enough with the pity party for myself. All I need to do is look at a picture of a kid at St.Judes and I'll feel blessed and thankful. But really, today just wasn't a good day here... and I'm scared and just want some answers.

Ohhhhhhh sighhhhhh....
Thanks for following along (if you could keep up!?!?!) with my scatterbrained post. I promise to post something more uplifting tomorrow. For tonight, I'm sleeping next to my main man and watching my fave Adam Sandler movie... (any guesses???) :)

Happy 50th Ma!

OH MY LORD. What a day. Yesterday.

It was my mom's 50th birthday- one she wasn't too excited about celebrating. She's really not the kind of woman that enjoys getting riper with age! She'd love to be 20 again. The day started out great- Maeve had ballet at 10- my mom was feeling good and I was happy Maeve's ballet class fell on mom's birthday- since ballet and Maeve are my mom's two loves :) Next was lunch at Anna's. Again, everything seemed fine- we ate, I lost my mind for a little bit as Maeve decided to run through the store barely dodging very fragile items. (ahhh). Dinner was planned for 5 because Ryan, Maeve, Henry and I were going to go to the U of M/State meet up in Ann Arbor. It was a last minute thing that I saw advertised on facebook yesterday and I decided it would be fun for us to go. Admission was a buck and it was Hawaiian night. Plus I had been wanting to see how Maeve would do at a meet. After dinner (again, mom was acting totally normal) we headed up to Ann Arbor and my mom went back to work at the studio. The meet went great- Maeve loved it. She called the girls "monkeys" as they were swinging on the bars ;) But we decided to leave about 30 minutes early because Henry was starting to fuss and Maeve was beginning to wander through the rows of seats. About a half hour into our car ride home, my phone rang- it was my dad. He told me my mom had been taken to the ER for one of her heart episodes. Coincidentally, we were about 10 miles from the Elm street exit so I told him I'd be there in 15 minutes or so.

Ryan raced me to the hospital and I ran into the ER- completely forgetting about the kids (oops!) Thankfully Ryan is a good dadda who takes lots of notes on how to defrost milk (by not putting it the microwave!!) and making bottles! :) When I got there, it was a bit hectic. Her heart rate was soaring between 260-270. She was having a hard time breathing so she was on oxygen. The doctors had just finished giving her a medicine called adentin which stopped her heart long enough for it to get back into a normal rhythm. VERY quickly, her heart rate started dropping back down to a normal range. Within about a half hour it was in the 90s. After things settled down a bit, we sat and waited, and waited, and waited. Her labs came back a little abnormal- her potassium was low. So they gave her some... then we waited longer. When all was said and done, they couldn't tell her why her heart had done that- but they did say she was lucky to get into the ER so they could capture it on the EKG so that maybe a cardiologist could figure it out.

That's where my mom is today- at the cardiologist, trying to get this under control. It was really scary and I am so thankful she's alright.

There is a part two to this story: Today just happened to be Henry's two month appointment. My mom was planning on watching Maeve this morning, but of course, with everything that happened last night, she was in no condition to watch her. That meant me bringing both kids to the doc. (one of whom is petrified of the doctors). I was nervous; My friend Jessy and I joke that they keep those office rooms at 100 degrees because as soon as you get in there with all your kids we start to sweat. No different today. I got in there, Maeve immediately started jumping on the scale (that is clearly marked "KEEP CHILDREN OFF SCALE") I am trying to get Henry down to a dry diaper while yanking Maeve off the scale. THANK GOD for the "Tarzan" book that happened to be in the room- it kept Maeve busy enough for me to get H undressed and weighed. After the nurse left, I was then informed by the billing lady that my dear, dear husband had not submitted a form for Henry yet and therefore, this visit (including the 4 vaccines he got) would not be covered. Talk about starting to sweat. After the billing lady left I got on the phone with Ryan and started hissing in that low, really ticked off sounding voice, about how he should be here dealing with the billing and with his out of control 2 year old daughter.

I'm not sure if the doctor was busy operating on a patient, performing open heart surgery or something, but we were left in that small, HOT room for about 20 minutes. I was about to melt onto the floor. Maeve was already ON the floor- with her MOUTH OPEN SCREAMING at the top of her lungs. She wanted to go out to the chalk board and color. I will call it a true miracle if Maeve doesn't get sick here within the next few weeks- literally, her mouth was open on the floor. Eventually it got so loud (of course Henry had to join in on the screaming fun) that the nurse came in and TOOK MAEVE OUT for me. Are you kidding me??????????? Granted, the nurse, Brooke is *kind of* a friend (meaning, we would say hi and chat for a minute if we saw each other at the store) but yeah, pretty embarrassing. I totally could just hear them saying "that poor mom- she can't handle her kids." UGHHHH.

Now onto Mr. Henry... Dr. Williams finally made her way into the room and by this time I am fairly sure my mascara was running from the sweat, my shirt was crooked exposing my bra (due to Maeve pulling on it) and I had that overall look of "shoot me now" on my face. She did his exam in about two minutes flat. His skin isn't looking too hot- he has to be on some hydrocortizone cream... his blocked tear duct isn't looking great either. We're going to wait until he's at least 6 months until we talk about doing anything to it. She's also pretty sure he's got a milk allergy. FABULOUS! My choices are soy based formulas or cutting out my dairy. We'll see what happens within the next few weeks. As of now, I'm planning on nursing but she went on and on about how "great of a start" I've given him and to not feel badly about quitting. She's seen a lot of moms go insane over trying to figure out what's making their baby so gassy and uncomfortable. Sometimes it isn't worth eliminating half of your diet. (keep in mind dairy isn't just found in milk and cheeses). As far as Henry's weight/height- he's 12 lbs 15 oz (lost an ounce since last visit) and I've already forgotten his height (its written on a sticker somewhere around here...) I DO know that both his height and weight are in the 75th percentile and his head is in the 50th. He got his 4 pokes (poor guy). After we picked up Maeve from the nurses station we high tailed it out of there, but not before apologizing profusely to the nurses, doctor and anyone else that was subjected to the screaming coming from room 8. On our way home I called my sister in pure desperation- I BEGGED her to watch Maeve for just an hour so I could come home, nurse Henry, give him a bath (he LOVES his baths) and just cuddle him for a minute or two. I have a good sister (actually I have 2 good sisters :) she played hide & go seek w/ Maeve for 45 minutes or so while I got some time with Henry.

Maeve is now eating a lunch of peanut butter banana sandwiches and cheese. Henry is sleeping. I am sitting for the first time today without a screaming child in my arms. Counting down to 1:00... nap time nap time nap time. :)

***oooh one more note: Stay tuned to the blog... the McKenney family has a very big announcement to make (soon-ish). And no, I can say with 100% confidence I am NOT preggo!! :)

33 Week Appt.

Same old, same old. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I'm super swollen- "PUFFY" is what the nurse called it. I'm measuring 2 weeks ahead (OMG... why won't they just change my due date???) Even the doc wasn't sure on the baby's position... he is the 3rd medical professional in a row who can't tell me how the heck that baby is laying in there.
The doc. wants me to start monitoring my blood pressure at home (great...) and he talked a LOT with me about warning signs for pre-e. It's pretty scary stuff... On a good note, no protien in my urine and today my BP was fine. Apparently though, when you're as swollen as me (haha) it can spike and become really dangerous. So I've got to keep an eye on that.
After Dr. P told me he had me measuring 2 weeks ahead still I asked him if he thought I would be able to deliver a big baby. And he said we'll have to wait until the "moment of truth"- meaning when I am in the midst of pushing. I wasn't too happy with that answer. I remember how desperate I was when I was pushing Maeve out and she was SO TINY!!! I'm afraid that this one is going to get stuck and I'll end up with a C-section. I wish they'd do an u/s already to get a weight on this guy! I need to know what I'm dealing with here :) haha :)
I go back in 2 weeks and THEN my appts. come once a week! WOW. I can't believe it- for so long now I've been wanting to be DONE DONE DONE (and I still do want to be done) but now that its getting closer I'm starting to get really scared about the delivery. Really, my big fear is that this baby will be too big for me and I will have to have a c-section (and an emergency one at that). I keep telling myself the only thing that matters is a healthy baby & mom- and if that means c-section, then so be it.


Here's a pic of me at 33 weeks...

29 week appt.

I'm not going to go into numbers anymore with my weight because its insane- out of control and embarrassing. Apparently my body is just packing on the pounds- even when I feel like I am eating a whole lot less. I've cut out fried foods, sweets, pop, etc. Sticking to home cooked meals, bagels for breakfast & usually a bowl of cereal for lunch. HOW THE HECK am I gaining massive amounts of weight???? NO CLUE. The worst part is my doc. is not even the least bit concerned- he has told me twice now that I shouldn't worry about it- easy for him to say since he isn't the one who's gained xx lbs. UGH you have no clue how awful it is to step on the scale and see it jump up by leaps and bounds.

I also had my glucose test today- haha before I left for it I was saying how the orange drink was pretty good tasting. For some reason today, it was awful. It made me sick to my stomach and I felt super shaky afterward- I'm hoping that's not a bad sign- like my sugars are bad or something... although- that could explain the crazy weight.

As far as my regular appointment went- good & bad news- the good? I am measuring almost a full 2 weeks ahead (PRAISE THE LORD- that would put me at delivering in mid november rather than late november.) but the bad news is they STILL won't change my due date- wth??? I've consistently measured ahead but this time he was measuring WAY ahead- my docs explanation? The turkey hit a growth spurt... hmm... apparently we'll check his growth next time and then my doc will make the decision to change my due date or not- PLEASE CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR ME!!!

Another not so great thing is that the baby is transverse- meaning he's got his feet wedged up on one side of my belly and his head/hands wedged up on the other side. He better flip HEAD down! I DO NOT want a C-section!!! AHHH! Again, my doc said I have a few weeks until we need to really start to be concerned with his position... in the meantime I will be googling how to flip your baby head down :)

That about sums up my appt. I will update as soon as I get my sugar results back... :)

A Quick Update.

So this is day 6 of diarrhea- tomorrow (Friday) will mark an entire 7 days of nothing but the runs for miss Maeve. Dr. Williams had said if it hadn't cleared up by tomorrow then we will have to do some cultures. The good news is she hasn't run a fever in over 24 hours- KNOCK ON WOOD! She is still cranky/whiny & lethargic- mainly after naptime- in the mornings she is actually acting pretty normal. Today was a great morning- she ate a big breakfast (followed by diarrhea) but that didn't slow her down at lunchtime! My mom, Maeve and I went to Daryls and she ate almost an entire quiche by herself :) its great to see her eating normally again- even if it is coming out in liquid later. UGH...

I am 27 weeks today- crazy, because I feel like I am 37 weeks. Every once in awhile, I have these really low moments where I start to think how far I have to go... thankfully I have Maeve to keep my mind off of it the majority of the time. I have noticed that in the past week or so especially, sleep has become SO uncomfortable. I wake up probably 20 times a night (NO exaggeration- maybe more) because lying on my sides is making my hips go numb. So I wake up from the tingling/numbness and have to flip over. I actually just woke up from a nap and my hips are still tingling and my groin feels like I've been riding a horse for 2 weeks straight. I definitely remember this with Maeve... but I am pretty sure it didn't start with her until I was into weeks 30 and beyond. Again, scary that I'm only 27 weeks and already so miserable. YIKES.

Another weird thing that is happening are sore ankles- I never got sore ankles with Maeve and I am attributing this to the simple fact that now that I have a very active 2 year old, I am on my feet a lot more.

This baby moves non-stop. Really- I am totally convinced there are 2 babies in there because the sheer amount of movement. I thought Maeve moved a lot, but no joke- I will do a "kick count" and count probably 20-30 movements within 10 minutes or so. Its nuts. But cool :) And Dr. P always says "an active baby is a healthy baby" so I suppose all is well.

Anyways, that's the basic update on life here. Hope you're having a good week :)

27 weeks... wish I could say "and going strong!" haha... just SO not up for another 3 months...

Maeve loves to feel the bumps & wiggles of her brother :)

drowning in diarrhea.

Well... its day 5 of diarrhea & it hasn't let up at all- I can't believe the poor bug has had it for this long. I had been putting off going to the doctor because I do NOT want to be that overbearing, "something is wrong with my kid" kind of mom. Remember- I had just taken her in a week or so ago for what I thought was an ear infection but turned out to be NIGHTMARES (talk about feeling like an idiot). But I'm sorry- 4 days of a fever (no matter how low grade it is) and 5 days of diarrhea warrants a trip to the doctors. Off we went this afternoon- but not before a slight crisis; Our appointment was at 4:15 and I was trying to let Maeve sleep as long as she possibly could so I timed it, to wake her up around 4, change her diaper, stick her in the car by 4:05, be at the doc. by 4:15. Unfortunately, changing her diaper wasn't a simple or quick thing by any means. I went in to get her at 4, and her room reeeeaaaaked- I knew she had pooped- but UGH this was bad. In record time, I stripped her down, stuck her under the running faucet in the bath (she was still half asleep) put a diaper on her, dressed her in a whole new outfit (since the previous one was covered in diarrhea) and had her in the car by 4:10-ish. We made it to our appointment just in time.

Unfortunately I have this terrible condition that you might have heard me talk about a time or two before, but yeah- my anxiety has been horrible lately- my mind has been creeping into these terrible thoughts of all these different things things that a fever and diarrhea could mean. I was totally prepared to hear she had the dang swine flu or something. Thankfully, her ears and throat all checked out fine- Dr. Williams also pressed on her belly- didn't faze Maeve... she also took a look at her diaper rash. The verdict? A stomach bug... OR teething. UGH I hate going to the doc and not getting a definite answer. Basically, our instructions are to treat the diaper rash with maalox & desitin, push the fluids like crazy & keep an eye on her fever- giving her the least amount of tylenol/motrin as possible. If her diarrhea hasn't cleared up by Friday, then we have to go back in for cultures- and THAT is what is scaring me to death.

At the moment, she is burning up- thankfully her temp is only 100.5. I've woken her up twice to try to get her to drink some gatorade... no success :( I'm about to put it in a syringe... and shoot it directly into her mouth- seriously if you guys saw the amount of diarrhea that is coming out of her you'd be desperate to get SOMETHING fluid-like in her. The saddest thing is that she is just SO not herself... she's sluggish, tired and whiny. All she wants to do is watch t.v- she actually says "T- VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV!" and then climbs into bed under the covers. I never knew how painful it is to watch your child be sick and uncomfortable. Again, I'm counting my blessings that Maeve *hopefully* just has some bug or is teething- and is not seriuosly ill. I can't imagine being the mom of a kid with cancer or some other horrific disease. Okay... that's enough of me getting emotional about Maeve's diarrhea... see what preggo hormones do?????

Wish Maeve luck that her diarrhea clears up though- we (I am pretty sure I can speak for her on this one) REALLY don't want to get any cultures done or end up in the hospital for dehydration... UGH.

Sicky Bugaboo!

Yesterday I left for work around 3:45 PM- I left Maeve with my mom, and as far as I knew she was FINE. She had been fine allll day long- had a normal nap (well it was a little bit shorter than normal, but she still was acting fine/normal), ate a huge lunch, etc. I came home about 2 and a half hours later to find Maeve red, burning up and sleeping on Ryan. My mouth literally dropped open when I saw her- It was so bizarre, leaving her absolutely fine, without a hint of sickness, and to return to a super sick baby!

I asked Ryan "WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED???" and he said that about an hour after I left, while my mom was still watching her, she started to act sleepy and by the time he got home at 5:45 she was feeling a bit feverish. By the time I got home around 7 she wasn't a bit feverish, she was a LOT feverish. Ryan said he had taken her temp and it was at 100- I thought, well that's not too bad (even though she felt SO much hotter to me than that) so I asked Ryan to take it again- this time the thermometer leaped past 100 and was climbing in to the 102/103 range when I pulled it out of her armpit and said "Ryan I have a bad feeling lets just go to the ER."

Off we went- to sum it all up, we were there for about 4 hours with a screaming, incredibly uncomfortable baby. It turns out that she has a respiratory infection... ugh. :( They discharged us with instructions on how to monitor her breathing and her high fever. To say the least, last night was ROUGH. She didn't fall asleep until 11:30 or so and when she did fall asleep she was up every hour or so screaming- it was horrible :( She was just soooo miserable and uncomfortable. And me, being paranoid mom couldn't sleep very well at all knowing we were supposed to be monitoring her breathing and fever- (BTW why do the docs say that at 11 o'clock at night- are we supposed to go home and sit by their bed all night monitoring them? Because that's how I took it- so that meant I was in and out of her room alllll night long.)

Maeve woke up around 8 this morning feeling slightly cooler and hungry- I was excited, thinking she felt a lot better... but after drinking a cup of milk and eating a few bites of oatmeal, she laid on me and fell asleep... SO NOT like her! And shortly after her morning nap (morning naps have not existed since she was like 7 months old!) she started the high fever thing again... I tried to feed her some lunch- she wasn't interested. My mom came over for a visit after lunch and Maeve took that time to snuggle with her Nana. And by 2:00 she was asleep on me AGAIN. I laid with her until I had to go to work and then my dad came to watch her. When I got home, he said she just laid on him the entire time too. We just finished dinner and she has perked up a bit- didn't eat too much but we're really not concerned with that- just drinking!

SO I know what she has isn't serious or anything but it is pretty darn scary to have your baby run fevers. I just feel like I can't put her down or let her out of my sight- and that quickly becomes very tiring. Also, unfortunately, I myself have been feeling yucky today- sore throat, achy, headache all that good stuff. :(

We're Going TOMORROW!

I have been putting off Maeve's 15 month vaccines forever now (well like a month & a half)- for several reasons, the whole autism thing and then we went on vacation and then she had a little virus......... so anyways its just been one thing after another. PLUS I was super nervous about giving her that MMR vaccine so secretly, I was glad things kept coming up b/c it allowed me to put it off. Well I'm sure (since most of you are moms) you've heard that the MMR vaccine has been officially ruled out as a cause of autism. I heard that last week, and thought "OKAY that is my sign that its time to take her!" Then tonight, while we were eating dinner, the tv was on in the background- it was NBC news and they were talking about the dangers of NOT getting your kid vaccinated and it scared the crap out of me (for lack of words..) SO I told Ryan "We're going tomorrow!" And we are- I've said it before, but I would so, SO, SO much rather have a child with autism than a child with some horrible, deadly disease. UGH not looking forward to it, because honestly, its super hard to take your kid JUST to get shots- its like you're choosing to subject them to pain- but its just one of those things I have to get over and get done. So wish me luck... ;)