a couple things.

It's Thursday.  Thank GOD.  

This means Friday is tomorrow, with Saturday following.  And Saturday means date night.  I'm pretty much living for that right about now.

It's been a less than stellar week.  Henry's ears are better, but the medicine he's on (augmenton) has caused this horrific diaper rash and the most awful, AWFUL diapers ever.  To put this into perspective, we bought a box of diapers (92 count I believe?) from Target last Saturday.  The box is GONE.  Ryan is currently at Publix getting more.  I am changing on average, about 10 diapers per day- and that's just the 3 year old.  It's just... ICK.  And I feel like one of those desperate housewives, with dirty shirts, unwashed hair, and heavy eye bags.

Friends who have kept up with this blog might remember this post about Stella's birth... the end of the post, asking for prayers for a "weird doctor report" at her first year appointment.  We were told to wait three months, and bring her back.  Today was that three month mark. 

So what's going on?  With every breath I have, I pray nothing.  But basically... this: 

At Stella's one year appointment Dr. Cline noted Stella had some breast development.  Not chunk, but actual tissue.  She said it could be due to tons of different things and there was nothing to really worry about at the moment since it was an isolated symptom;  we'd check back in 3 months and go from there.  Ryan and I knew she had gotten bigger- my family knew- it's kind of obvious.  But hearing the official "Yes, there's something going on here" today sealed it. 

We made an appointment with the pediatric endocrinologist and will be anxiously awaiting it;  Dr. Cline went over the most common reasons for a surge in estrogen (which causes breast development).  A few reasons are really scary and I'm not even going to type them out.  But most, are treatable.  I was assured over and over that because it's an isolated symptom the chances of it meaning much more than a simple hormone problem, is about less than 8 percent. 

SO.  That was my day.   Anxiety has rushed me like a tsunami.  

Tonight I sat picking my nails, watching the kids run circles (literal circles... they love ring around the rosie).  Stella is still so clumsy on her feet, but she keeps up as their circle spins faster and faster, her face serious while her brother and sister are cracking up. 

I have no clue how long this went on;  Ryan was cleaning the kitchen and I was completely lost in my mind.  The joy of anxiety.

My prayers for tonight are for so many things.  First and foremost that Stella's fine.  Secondly that my anxiety demons that like to hunt when I'm weak don't have the power to come back. 

I have a million things to do but my head is one blank station.  I hate this.  And I'm sorry for such a downer of a post.

But would you join me in praying for my sweet Stells?

thanks :)
xoxo

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

(Psalm 46:1-3)