bullets.

• The great computer crash of 2013 has kind of driven me insane.  Thank GOD  I backed up all of my photos to my external hard drive, but everything else- my photoshop, lightroom, all of my actions used to edit photos... gone!  GAHHH!  I haven't picked up my camera in at least a month.  So very sad.  Thankfully, a new laptop with photoshop is on the list for August.  I cannot wait to get back to my photo journal-ing ways!
• I finished a super good book, The Light Between Oceans- I definitely recommend it.  Pick up some Kleenex to go with it.  I made a pact with myself awhile ago, to never be without a book.  There is so much enjoyment, and simple excitement with being in the middle of a good book.  I'm currently reading "The Kite Runner" (I know- a little late on this one!) and I have 2 books waiting in the wings.  Have you read anything awesome lately?  Comment please! :D
• Estella's turning two next week.  Birthdays have turned into these bittersweet celebrations.  I'm beyond thankful that my kids are healthy, and enjoying their years.  At the same time, I want to hold them back;  rewind a bit.  Maybe push pause for a few months. 
• Forks, our cat never came back.  Three weeks ago while Ryan was in Michigan, I was letting Lola out the back door when Forks escaped.  This was not uncommon- for this cat to escape.  He did it weekly at least, with Ryan.  The difference is, Ryan could chase him around for 20 minutes and eventually herd him back into the house.  That night when Forks ran out the door from me, I knew he was gone.  I knew I couldn't chase him and I just kind of submitted to it, shutting the back slider and locking it.  I liked the cat.  I really did.  But I knew the big issue would be breaking the news to Maeve.  Ugh.  I still feel like such a failure because of that night.  Maeve thinks Forks is living in the woods.  She really truly does.  I didn't have the heart to tell her he probably was run over by a car... or eaten by God knows what in the Florida swamps.  But she talks about him every day.  She'll make little comments like, "Whenever I miss Forks really bad I just look at the pictures on your phone of him."  This little cat incident has provoked deeper conversations that I was hoping could be avoided for a few years.  She want's to know about death and heaven.  She wants to know what would happen if I ever left her.  She confirms every couple of hours that dada is indeed coming home from work today.  It's kind of breaking my heart. 
• I'm a head-achy person.  Always have been.  I've never gotten them checked out because, well, doesn't everyone get headaches??  I just pop a Tylenol (or as of recently, apply Frankincense and peppermint on my temples and forehead) and that's that.  There are times when the headache gets severe and I hole up in my room, whining to anyone who will listen that my brain is hemorrhaging.  So yesterday afternoon when a headache began creeping up it didn't even register on my radar.  Around 6 I told Ryan I was going to take a shower to try and feel better.  About a minute into the shower I started seeing these zig zag flashing lights in my peripheral vision.  It was strange for sure.  They started getting more pronounced, taking up my vision.  I called Ryan in to the bathroom and said "Ryan I can't see.  Like I cannot see!  My left eye is completely blacked out.  It's just flashing lights."  Ryan took a look and said "Woah babe!  Your left pupil is huge!  Way bigger than your right one."  And that's all I needed to hear to be set off on a trail of panic.  I threw on clothes and started yelling at the kids and Ryan to get shoes on, and in the car.  I was positive I was having a stroke.  Called my mom, and told her to meet us at the ER.  Really, it was a giant production of mass hysteria.  I need to remember and keep this personality trait of mine in check next time an emergency hits.  It wasn't until five minutes into the car drive that I realized my 5 year old was absolutely terrified.  Tears streaming down her face.  "But MOMMY YOU CAN'T LEAVE US!  Please don't leave us!  Please!  I don't want you to be sick and die at the hospital!!!"  Heart. Break.  It was awful.  As I was getting out of the car at the hospital, Maeve croaked out one last plea, "But MOM what about your dinner?  You have to eat dinner!"  Ugh.  Long story short, they said I had a retinal migraine.  They gave me fluids and reglan (I think?) and benedryl... The headache still hasn't resided.  It's not severe, its just there and super annoying.  My left eye has been twitching and feels tired.  That's the best way I can describe it.  Before leaving the ER the doctor gave me two choices- one, I could be admitted and see a neurologist the next morning, in patient.  Or two, I could leave and wait for a neurology appointment to open up and be treated, out patient.  Apparently when you're 32 weeks preggo, things get a little more complicated.  The doctor left Ryan and I to talk about it and this is about when I broke down.  It was ridiculous, but long overdue and much needed.  The big and small of it was basically that I love the kids and want to see them get married, have kids of their own.  I want to grow so old with Ryan that 5:00 becomes a late bed time for us.  I want to be part of everything my kids do.  I want this family that Ryan and I have created to flourish and preserve and I want to see each second of it.  Things can get deep in the ER at 2 AM, I'm tellin' ya.  Ultimately I chose to go home.  I have an appointment with neurology on Friday morning.  And I'll take any and all prayers I can get. 
• Did you know..... I change my mind about the baby's name like every two days?  I do.  I do.  It's causing a lot of stress.  Ryan gets texts saying "I found it!  This is the name..." and I usually get a text back saying something like, "Okay!  Can't wait to hear what it is tomorrow!"  How have I named three children so effortlessly?  Because this one is about to drive me into insanity!
• Henry.  He's on a mission to turn my hair gray.  I'm sure of it.  And yes, YES I know there will be a flip flop in about 10 years.  Maeve and Stella will be giving me a run for my money while Henry will be my obedient, loyal son ;)  But wowie.  Right now, its rough!  He's rough.  I am definitely going to write a post about what's been going on.  There's so much to say and document! 
• I hate flowers.  (shhh. don't tell my grandma).  I mean I love looking at them in the wild, or in someone's garden, but I hate getting flowers.  Once Ryan and I were established enough, I made this known.  "Hey, um... the roses are really pretty, but I'd SO much rather use that money to go to a movie or something."  Ryan thought it was the coolest thing ever.  Anyways, I saw this commercial for these amazing things called "Edible Arrangements.   I'd seen them before, but being pregnant, they suddenly appealed to me... like, MUST HAVE ONE NOW.  I've given specific instructions to Ryan about how to purchase one of these for either A.) my birthday in September or B.) the birth of our babe.    Has anyone ever had one??  Are they good?  Worth the money?  Or should I just chop up some fresh fruit from the farmers market?  :)  Really- let me know! :D
• Last thing- I have to plug my beloved oils (see this POST) .  This month's promo is AWESOME.  If you're thinking about getting the kit, August is a great month to do it!   Not only will it set you up for a healthy start on the new school year, BUT you get a FREE OIL WITH IT!!  what what?!  Facebook me or email me (ashleymckenney07@gmail.com) to talk more!  Like I've said before, these oils have not only just changed our lives in the way we go about our every day routines, but they've changed it financially as well.  Seriously, I cannot count the blessings.    

PS- our couches get delivered THIS Saturday!  haha whoops!  We waited around all day last Saturday for the beloved new couches when really, they had been scheduled for delivery for this Saturday.  Baby brain at its finest.  Anyhow, can't wait to take pics :D