I'm a ninja master when it comes to diaper changing and it takes me less than 2 minutes (maybe 5...) to slap on a new diaper for Sir Henry and Miss Stella.
Iphone in hand, I groggily check emails, twitter, facebook, instagram, ya know, all that important stuff as I fumble with the other hand to make a cup of coffee.
Stella's at my feet, tugging on my PJ's, letting me know in her
In the corner of my eye I spot Henry standing on the table, naked (yes, he pulled off the diaper I had JUST put on him, and we all know once a diaper's "sticky straps" are unstuck and used, they're no longer sticky). He's stomping around, yelling for "whoo cakes." That's pancakes in the English language. "No whoo cakes Henry. Mama's tired. Cereal, okay?"
Not a second later I hear the spill. (Look on sidebar-instagram feed for picture) Stella had successfully gotten into the cabinet and dumped out an entire box of Dora cereal. The thought actually crossed my mind to gather it all back up and serve it to the kids, (5/10 second rule, right?) but the logical, mommy side of me decided against it. Instead I turned to Henry and said, "Well ya get your whoo cakes, buddy."
No coffee, let me repeat, NO COFFEE and 30 minutes later, I had managed to give and guess at the remaining pancake batter, turning it into a nice little stack of silver dollars. After cutting and dividing, each kid had a nice portion gooped with syrup. Lucky little boogers.
I also learned that if you leave a crumb of food (or a box of cereal) on the floor for longer than a minute or two, ants-a-plenty will invade your home. UGHH!
Now, each and every time I serve my family a meal I picture myself as a 50's diner waitress on wheels. Spinning from kid to kid, slapping down plates, promising drinks, condiments and utensils. "MOM PLEASE GET ME SOME MILK!!" "MAMA!! MAMA!! FORK!"
It was at this moment, as I opened the fridge to fill the kids' cups with their favorite beverage, that I realized we were completely out of milk.
Let me explain. We are a milk family. Henry craves milk like an alcoholic wants a drink. I knew it was going to be bad as I brought over three sippy's of water.
Haha. Bad? More like mutiny. Water sippy's were tossed and thumped down left and right as each kid (Maeve & Henry) protested their distaste for water.
"Well guys, tough luck. We're out of milk. And you're lucky to have water. Mommy doesn't have coffee this morning either, so we're all out of sorts, k?" As always, I got the blank stare that is usually followed by whining.
This week is gymnastics camp at the studio. I've committed to working (teaching) 3 hours a day- nothing too bad at all, but its enough that it disrupts our typical mornings.
Post water argument, and a de-stickying/syrup bath, I was running around (still no coffee, duh) like a maniac trying to gather up packed lunches, toys, diapers and anything else the kids might need while I was working.
Running a good ten minutes late, I had bags packed, kids dressed and myself looking decent. Sitting down in the van, I realized I was starving. Normally our mornings are lazy, and I have plenty of time to slouch at the counter and eat a few bowls of cereal, or a thing of yogurt. Today I had been up for 4 hours and had not eaten a bite.
I pulled into Paneras for a bagel. And that's when it started.
"Mom I'm hungry. Mom I want something. Mom I want a cookie. Mom I want sprite." I calmly told my little choir that they had eaten breakfast and that mama just needed something to get her through teaching for the next few hours.
I am telling you, as soon as that brown bag was passed through my window (errr... my door, my window doesn't roll down) chaos broke out in that car. All eyes were on that bagel and only one person was eating it: ME.
I pulled into a parking spot to spread the cream cheese on and for a minute I actually thought about divvinig it up and handing out pieces to the kids, taking the butt of what was left, because that's what we as moms, do.
But then I remembered being elbowed in the wee hours of this morning, the spilled cereal, the ants, the lack of coffee, the pancake making, the water arguing, the lack of coffee, and the lack of coffee. Oh and then that grumbling in the pit of my stomach reminding me that I had been up breastfeeding (Stella) since 6:30, and serving my other kids hotcakes while I had yet to eat a bite. And something just snapped.
I turned around, facing the kicking and yelling and with a (slightly) frightening voice, I hushed them. They must have picked up on the urgency in my voice because I had a captive audience.
"No. This is my bagel. Mama didn't eat this morning. Mama didn't have coffee this morning. Mama NEEDS THIS BAGEL. MAMA IS GOING TO EAT THIS BAGEL. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? MAMA NEEDS THIS BAGEL."
And then quiet.
The day got progressively better, albeit some kidney pain. But the moral of this story is, EAT. Yes, yes- take care of your kids first and foremost, but make sure and fuel your body. With food. And don't run out of coffee.
And then maybe you won't have to feel like a complete idiot as you're apologizing to your four year old for not sharing a bagel.
Oh, and THANK GOD MONDAY IS OVAAAAHHH!!!! :D