A few days ago I tripped and fell in the hallway (yeah I'm a klutz) and even though I landed on my butt, and there was no bleeding/cramping or anything else, I've been a little worried. So I ordered one of those dang dopplers- I ordered one with Maeve as well, but vowed never to do that again because I drove myself absolutely mad when I couldn't find her heartbeat. I think after having it (the doppler) at my house for 2 days we sent it back because I couldn't stand it anymore! And of course, Maeve turned out just fine :) So when I asked Ryan if we could order one again he said "NO- N-O." He had to remind me of how obsessive I was with it and that I made myself sick with worry over it. BUT I persuaded him to let me get one... It arrived in the mail this afternoon and needless to say, I behaved like a kid on Christmas morning. I signed off on the package, ran back to our room, ripped open the box and stuck the doppler on my tummy- I found the heartbeat within 2 seconds :) YES!!!! It was ranging between 150-160 beats per minute. perrrrfect. How thrilling, right? Now here comes the feeling guilty part- after I heard the heartbeat, I went and dug out Maeves old baby book/pregnancy diary. I wanted to compare the heartbeat at 13/14 weeks... not only did I find an entire page devoted to Maeve's heartbeat at 14 weeks (which happened to be in the 160's- another girl perhaps?) but I found countless other entries, which I ended up reading. The guilt sunk in. I haven't recorded ONE THING about baby #2. In Maeve's book, I have things listed to the tiniest detail- what foods I love, what foods I hate, how much weight I've gained, belly pictures marking each and every week, WOW. WOW. WOW. I have got to get on the ball with this baby. Tonight we're going out for dinner with my parents, and I'm hoping afterward we can stop by the bookstore to pick up a pregnancy journal. AND THEN I have to pray I can rewind this baby brain back 8 weeks and try to remember all those minute details about certain weeks... yikes. We'll see how it goes. Anyways, I guess that's what its like to be a 2nd child- hand me downs, less pictures, less press.
Another reason I'm feeling particularly guilty is my "carelessness" when it comes to this pregnancy. This may sound funny, but its really making me feel awful; While preggo with Maeve, I wouldn't HANDLE deli meat (let alone eat it), eat feta cheese, take a tylenol, take a bath, pick up anything heavier than 5 lbs :), eat a hot dog, etc. etc. etc. Really- the list goes on and on- I was crazy worried about everything! This time around, I eat lunch meat all the time, I eat hot dogs, feta cheese (just had it last night), pop tylenols left and right AND sudafed AND claritin AND unisom. (the claritin/sudafed is for my allergies and the unisom is for morning sickness- which yes, are all fine to take according to my doc. but STILL I feel horrible about it) Why is it that you are so less worried over the 2nd one??? I LOVE this baby and I want it to be healthy and perfect but its like I'm just not obsessing over it this time around... is that normal???