Tuesday, July 1, 2008

OCD Overload

For all of you who don't know, I have OCD... I was formally diagnosed with it this past fall, but I know I've had it for a loooong time. I am blogging about it because right now its SO bad... the funny thing is, its about obtaining control but really it just makes me feel out of control. Its driving me crazy!!! I have tons of obsessive tendencies, but my main triggers are cleanliness and food. For example, about a week ago I cooked some noodles (not the noodles we had for dinner Allison!! This was another night! :) and the sink water touched them (the sink was backed up and a little bit splashed onto the noodles) I freaked out and Ryan found me crying in the computer room, refusing to eat dinner because of it. Yesterday was when I realized it was getting really bad again- I took Maeve on a walk and I noticed our flowers were wilted and dying in their hanging baskets. Again I flipped and called up Ryan telling him my entire life was out of control. I have no clue why its veered its ugly head so bad again right now- I have one of two theories- A. Its because of the never ending medication HELL that I've been going through for months now (trying different, new meds. getting off meds. getting on meds. BLAH) or B. I'm not OCD, I'm just incredibly emotional... the problem I have with that theory is the last time I was this emotional was when I was preggo... Of course I've told Ryan a hundred times "I think I'm pregnant!!!" But he refers to me as the "girl who cried baby." Because whatever symptoms I have (a headache, stomach ache, sleepiness, etc.) I always say "Shoot- I'm probably pregnant!"

I'm really hoping this flare up has something to do with coming off of all that anxiety medication I was on- oh by the way, the soonest appointment I could get with my doc. to get back ON some of my anxiety meds. was JULY 10th!!!!! So I've been patiently waiting...

In the meantime, you can probably catch me washing my hands raw, scrubbing out stains in clothes (I will wash things over and over and over), sanitizing my kitchen or planting some new flowers.

Just a side note- it totally ruins my whole "go green" plan because I feel like I constantly have the water running to wash something! Or when it gets really, really bad I won't eat out of dishes- I use paper and plastic utensils (which is soooo wasteful!) because of the "dirtiness of the glasses..." like when glasses or forks/spoons have spots on them? AHHH!! Drives me nuts!!! So sometimes I just opt for plastic, never been used stuff.


Kase and Jules said...

That is crazy Ash! I am sorry that you deal with that :( I am ocd about SOME stuff but nothing too crazy. Handwashing and germs are big one's for me. I hope you can figure it out!

Wheeler's said...

awww I hope you can get all that balanced on soon. That doesn't sound fun:(
Just to let you know....my diaper genie is waiting to be emptied too! Their so annoying:( I've even piled up a couple diapers on top of it bc Im too lazy to get just empty the dang thing!