Saturday, June 21, 2008

My Losing Battle

Haha this just make me laugh. I was 108 lbs. on New Years Eve '06. I thought I looked really fat in that dress.... that my boobs were too big- HAH!

The day I gave birth: 148+/- lbs.

The day I came home from the hospital... low 150s. (thats like an oxymoron- LOW 150s??? WTF)

115+/- a few lbs. in Florida... January.
Just took this pic this week. I think on that particular day I weighed 125. Plump I guess...

OH MY GOSH if you are weight conscious DON'T get pregnant. (unless you are some freak who actually weighs less than before you were pregs... ahem julie.. :) I have always been pretty skinny/tiny, one of the two, I guess. I am going to be so completely, brutally honest in this post so if you're not into blunt things just walk away my friend...
Anyways before I was pregnant I weighed (what I thought at the time was a lot...) between 105-110 lbs. As soon as I got preggo, I was hit with some wicked morning sickness so I got to puke up a lot of my flub and actually lost 10 lbs. in my first trimester. So then I was really skinny... Fast forward like 7 months. I waddled into the hospital weighing in at around 148 lbs. HOLY COW. Pun intended. I LEFT the hospital weighing a bit over 150. I gained weight from birthing a 6 lb child, a 2 lb. placenta and more bodily fluids and gunk than I thought was humanly possible to come out of a person. Go figure. But I guess all the fluid they give you while you're in labor makes you very buoyant with water weight. Right after I had Maeve I could barely step out of bed without feeling like I was being ripped in half, so I spent the first 3 weeks or so with my butt elevated under pillows, and a frozen ice packed diaper in my undies. So yeah, their was no possibility to work out or any of that good stuff. Also, I was breastfeeding, so I was eating like a horse! Trying to keep up with Maeves needs was really hard!!! I have never, EVER been more thirsty or hungry than when I was breastfeeding. Haha this is serious you guys- when I was by myself during those first few weeks at home, I would get so thirsty but be in so much pain that I didn't want to move that I would contemplate eating the ice out of my diaper. Disgusting!!!!
Well about a month after Maeve was born (it was right around Halloween) I started getting these severe panic attacks. The upside to being anxious is that I am usually too amped up to eat much. So from about October to January I lost a huge amount of weight- I went from the 140s to around 115. YEA!!! I was SO close to being back at my normal weight! :) But then I got on some sweet meds. that made me really chill and very hungry. Slowly but surely I started to gain the weight back. Now, in June, I weigh 126 lbs. right this second. (I CANNOT BELIEVE I just stated my weight) UGH. I am trying so hard to lose it, but when all your energy is being exhausted into chasing after a baby its really hard to skimp on meals or think about going to the gym. I have an appetite of a baby whale ;).
I quit breastfeeding around January but TO THIS DAY my boobies are still leaking. They're still a DD and they're still very, very huge. I like to think if I chopped them off I would lose 10 lbs. because I feel like the majority of my weight is in my chest area. But Ryan might divorce me if I came home without any boobs. Oh my gosh- Ang I hope you are reading this- I have even wondered what would happen if I rubber banded them really tightly- remember when we were talking about hemorrhoids? I wonder if it would have the same effect on breast tissue... hmmm... JUST KIDDING.
The goal here is to weigh 115. Its just very daunting to think about losing 11 lbs. I know I need to cut the alcohol completely (I only drink maybe once every 2 weeks or so, but still thats an easy thing to cut out) but my BIG thing that I need to kick in the butt are sweets. They have me by the neck though- sometimes I won't order dinner just so I can eat a dessert. Pathetic!! Well I wanted to share because I am hoping that by disclosing my nasty weight it will motivate my elephant a$$ to get up and do something. blah... gotta go- Ryan just heated up some pizza! haha... I'm such a sucker.


Kase and Jules said...

You are insaneeeeeeeeee! You look so freakin good Ash. I may weigh less but honey, I don't look good. I promise. You are cute and young and my a$$ is pushing 30!

The Paulk's said...

Hi Ashley! I saw your blog through Becky Hoard's. I went to Spring Arbor and was friends with some of yours too. Your daughter is beautiful!

You are not alone in your losing battle--after just giving birth 6 weeks ago to baby #2 who weighed 9 lbs. 6 oz. I have the same issues. It has definitely been much more difficult this time around losing the weight--I too put on a good 40 lbs (oops :)), and went from a B to a D cup, and cracked my tailbone a week after having baby #2 going down a slide with baby #1 (so I can't work out at all either). Good thing we have husbands who love us not matter what, huh?! Don't get discouraged, you look beautiful and having that beautiful baby makes everything worth it, don't ya think??

Just thought I would say hi since I was taking a look at your blog :). Feel free to check out our blog, if you'd like too! Have a great weekend.

Shelby Paulk

Nicole said...

Hey, me again. I am seriously cracking up at the thought of you contemplating eating ice out of your diaper HAAHA!

I hear you on the weight issues. In high school I was 110 and thought I was a heifer. Contemplated not even going to prom b/c I thought I was disgusting in a dress. Well, fast forward 5 years adn I was up to 126 when I got preggo with Porter. Gained 40 some pounds with him (yep... 5' 3" and tipped the scale at nearly 170!!!) and somehow lost all plus 2lbs. Now, I just had Hudson 5 weeks ago. I weighed in at 168 at the hospital on D-day and about 2 weeks after delivery (and still now) I'm at 140. UGH. So, I have a good 15lbs to lose to even be at your weight! LOL! Not to mention... my boobs are still DDD (they were DDDD when I was pregnant... and DD before I got pregnant Ewww!)