Yeah, I'm going there. Tonight- at 11 PM.
Despite two tylenol PMs I still cannot sleep.
Am I too hard on myself as a mom?
But at the end of the day, I'm always thinking there is something more I should have done, more giggles I should have tickled out, more attention to be paid, etc... you get the idea. And I'm sure some of you feel the same. I think its common for moms to think these thoughts. After all, what wouldn't you give/do for your child?
When Ryan gets home, the kids don't just flock to him- they are like sticky glued to him. I've always thought its super cute (and I still do) but lately, I'm wondering- are they so excited for Ryan to get home so they can have more fun? More attention? I think so.
Let me explain.
I am their mother. I am the one who says "NO" all.day.long. I am the one who fights about only having one packet of fruit snacks versus two. I'm the one who shoo's the littles out of the bathroom (every two seconds). I'm the hair brusher (Maeve's #1 nemesis). I'm the bath giver, the holding down-put on your clothes- one. The "milk or water" only one. I am the logical one. I think about nap times, meals, diaper changes, etc. To sum it up- I get in the way and ruin all the fun. Or so it feels like that... lately?!
Maeve is constantly begging to go to my moms house. For a long, long time this irked me. "WHY?" I thought, "WHY would she want to go over there every stinkin' day, when I am her mother???" And then I got it- I am her mother. haha :) In other words, Nana doesn't brush her hair, say no to candy, fruit snacks or running outside naked or throwing all the pillows off the bed so she can do gymnastics. Why wouldn't she want to go over there all the time?
I've concluded that moms get the short end of the stick. Or at least this mom does.
I feel like I do WAY too much of the disciplining, "mothering," etc. and don't get to take part in as much of the fun stuff. It's almost like I'm prepping the kids for fun- and when the fun begins, I step back, let others have the fun with my kids and clean up the mess from the preparation... does that make sense? Probably not. I'm winding down. Tylenol PM is indeed kicking in.
Anyways, tonight, I was taking a bath with Henry... (he's 2, yes I still take a bath with him). He started jumping up and splashing down, hard in the bath. Water was flying everywhere. The "mom" part of me wanted to say "Noooo buddy. Sit down." But (very) unlike me, I thought "so what?!" And for the next 20 minutes, we splashed nearly all the water OUT of the tub. Yeah, it made a huge mess. Perhaps I might have broken our electronic scale, (water damage ;) But I haven't heard Henry laugh that hard (with me, anyway) for a long time.
I thought about this for awhile. And it seemed simple enough. I needed to relax. Live in the moment with my kids, and not worry so much about what they're wearing or if they're faces are clean... right?? On the other side of this, I remain their mother. And therefore, it IS my duty to make sure they're dressed, clean, happy and healthy.
So where do you get the balance?? How do you get the balance?
I'm open to past and present mama experiences!