Tuesday, May 3, 2011

confessions of a (really) grouchy mom.

I feel like one of those wind up toys, and I am slowly but surely, winding down. 

My body is growing- I have the preggo waddle going on, it takes me a couple of tries to get off the floor after reading books with Maeve, and carrying the kids is KILLING my back.  And I'm only 25 weeks... eek!

Do you ever feel like there isn't enough sleep in the world to get you going?  That's how I feel...  Each night is filled with the hope that I'll get a great night's sleep and wake up feeling like a million bucks.  I wake, hoping today will be the day I whisk my kids off to the grocery store, they'll learn about all the different fruits and veggies.  And then we'll come home and Maeve will help me bake some bread, while Henry plays happily on the kitchen floor with the pots and pans.  And then we'll have a story, in which both kids will sit in front of me, watching, sitting and listening- without wrestling each other .  And before Ryan gets home we'll have completed an art project... oh and I'll have dinner ready and the entire house sparking clean.  It's just not happening.

I have totally been the grouchy, slacker mom. 

Today, we did make it to the grocery store- but that's where the list ends.  The house is a pit, we had a rotisserie chicken for dinner, and instead of reading stories and doing crafts I laid on the couch.

I'm blaming my lack of progress on the trip to Meijers.  Really, that had to be the event that threw everything off.

Today, I had that kid.  The kid (or mom, rather) that everyone stares at because clearly, the mother has no control over the child.  The kid that runs and hides in all the aisles, just to see her mother get worked up.  The kid that pokes holes in the tomatoes (so sorry Meijers).  The kid that pulls a full out- on the floor, kicking and screaming tantrum. 

The story goes, that Maeve wanted to ride the pony.  But, as I told her, "kids that don't listen to their mommies and poke holes in tomatoes and throw their brothers trains don't get to ride Sandy.  She had already made her way to the horse, meaning- I had to pull her off Sandy the horse (the mechanical horse). I picked her up and gave her the ultimate silent treatment.  (Keep in mind its beginning to be a little difficult to carry a 30 lb. screaming kid and balancing this giant stomach).  She screamed like I was abducting her the entire way out to the car.  I took a little walk to return the cart- the cart wrangler thing was across the row, and I could clearly hear her screaming from there.  I was waiting for a police car to pull up and ask for proof that she was mine. 

The entire way home I stayed quiet, and Maeve asked (about every 2 seconds) "Are you mad at me mama?"  I wanted to say, "Why yes, Maeve, Mama is mad.  I was mad when you ran away from me 40 billion times in the store.  I was mad when you ruined the tomatoes.  I was mad when you took Henry's trains and threw them out of the cart.  I was mad when you threw a fit because I wouldn't buy chocolate milk, and I am really mad that you are acting like its the end of the world because you didn't ride on Sandy."  Instead, I drove to starbucks, got a drink (decaf! ;) and stayed quiet.   Keep calm and carry on... keep calm and carry on.

When we got home I felt better, but I still can't get this horrible feeling that I am way, WAY out numbered here.  Or rather, I'm going to be WAY, way outnumbered.

More like the thought, "What in the heck am I doing????  I am exhausted trying to wrangle the two kids I have!  I can't keep my house cleaned, I have no energy to cook this nice dinner, and I certainly don't have the patience to whip out the finger paints."

Am I making sense?  Probably not.  But stick with me.
When I was pregnant with Maeve, I spent my pregnancy worrying about birth defects, dying during childbirth, toxoplasmosis, ya know- crazy stuff.  With Henry, I spent the pregnancy worrying about whether or not I could love another child with the same love I have for Maeve.  This time around, I'm not too concerned with toxoplasmosis and I certainly know the amazing feeling of love I will have for this baby, so now my worry is this.  "This" being, can I handle 3 kids???  Can I be a good mom to three kids?  Can I give Maeve and Henry everything that I can give them now, but with another baby in tow?

I am beyond excited for this baby to join our family.  I cannot wait to see her and meet her and show her to Maeve and Henry.  My fear is that I am spreading myself thin.  Will I be able to be an awesome mom to 3 kids?  I can do it with two (not saying I'm awesome by any means- but I'm meeting my set standards at least- ya know, clean, bathed kids who eat 3 meals a day and are happy and healthy).  Can I do that with 3?  I sure hope so!

Sorry to beat a dead horse... I know I've blogged about this before.  Be prepared though, I am sure I will blog about it again, and again. 

Goodnight readers!  And here's to hoping tomorrow is tantrum/Sandy/tomato-poking free :)

The Trendy Treehouse

Oh... and this is a photo entry into The Trendy Treehouse's "Strength" photo challenge.
I chose this photo because the bond that Ryan shares with Henry (well, both the kids) is so strong.  He's the most amazing dad- my kids are seriously lucky :)

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The Paulk's said...

You will absolutely be a GREAT mom to three kids. Yes, it's a lot of work but so worth it. I have also learned, in the short 9 months of being a mama to 3, that you don't put yourself (if you don't have to) in certain situations that are going to be stressful. For instance, I have NEVER taken all kids to the grocery store. I also have learned that things can wait. Many days my bed isn't made because I was busy all morning reading books to the kids, dished sit in the sink so we can play in the yard, etc.
You are a great mom, Ashley and your kids are luck to have you!!

By the way, I was FREAKING out too before we had E, but I love every second of having 3 :)!

KimBerly said...

All Moms go through this and when you're pregnant it feels 100 times worse then it is. So give yourself a break girl. When they are all small it is a little harder I'm sure but you will pull through and be great. Hang in there! Take a bath. That's my answer for everything.

k and j said...

i am amazed at how calm i am about having 3. that DOESN'T mean it won't be crazy and hard though :/

hang in there. i am literally right there with ya! for the third time :)

how cool is that??

Casey said...

Awesome picture! :) I love it, and You will be a great mom to 3 kids! I know what you mean though, I have two now, and we are working on #3, and its a major concern of mine, but.. eventhough the days go by fast, and most days I wanna thro my 5 year old out the window, at the end of the day.. I sit and think how lucky I am, and what I great mom I am.. :) plus.. Being Pregnant SUCKS!! I am not looking forward to that part again,

Allison Hoffman said...

what a great shot - I love his expression!! and I'll be honest, going from 2 to 3 was a tough adjustment. I had more kids than hands, and I was definitely not used to it. It was a longer transition, but you will find your groove, just like you did after each child and it will eventually feel normal!!