I hate using my blog to complain and vent. I have a good life... a really, really good, amazing life. And the way I write sometimes, you'd think I was on my last leg or something. I guess I can be dramatic :) But this has been weighing heavily on my mind... and I want opinions & dare I say... support? :) Just a pat on the back. Or validation that I'm not crazy. Ya know, whatever you can offer :)
So the other night we were at a wedding... (a BIG wedding) and we were seated with some good friends. I've known them my entire life- two of them threw me my baby shower for Maeve. My mom was also seated with us. We had both kids and I'm sure I was looking a little flustered. NO it isn't super easy having two little ones that are so young, but its fine. I'M FINE. We're ALL FINE. My point is, the conversation turned to how many kids Ryan and I wanted to have. I threw out the number 4- you should have seen the looks. And someone actually said, "You've got the best of both worlds- why don't you just stop right now?" WTH???
First of all, who's business is it how many children Ryan and I decide to have? We don't live off the government; we pay for our children. We take care of them. I spend my days making sure they are happy, healthy, well fed, socialized, adjusted, etc. I feel like I put every ounce of me into being the best mom that I can possibly be- so why would it be a travesty for me to have more children??? Why would that be "ruining" what I have???? (Yes- someone also included that nice word in there "Why ruin what you've got going?") Again- I have no clue what these comments are supposed to mean. I suppose if I were a deadbeat mom, who couldn't afford the two kids I had, someone *MIGHT* have the right to tell me that I should quit reproducing... but I'm NOT a deadbeat mom. I have the confidence to say that I think I'm a pretty good mom. There are days when I want to call my mom and beg her to come and take Maeve for a couple of hours so I can get a break- but I don't. I stick with her- I deal with the discipline issues. I'm on the front lines day in and day out.
I feel like I work SO HARD- and yup, I make a 1000 mistakes a day. I say things I shouldn't. I don't have the greatest patience. I sometimes, lay Henry down after he's been screaming for an hour just so I can step outside and NOT hear him screaming. I tell Maeve she's "makin' me crazy" :). I am late for everything. I go through the drive thru more times than I'd like. I am the bribing queen. I cherish the hour of 8 PM (bedtime). I let Maeve make giant messes all over my house and I don't immediately clean them up. I've got crumbs covering my floors, couches, tables, carpets, etc. Sticky finger prints cover the doors, walls, mirrors, everything! My mascara has fuzz and dog hair in it from Maeve rubbing it all over the floor. I share everything- showers, food, the couch, my bed, -EVERYTHING. And though at times, its annoying, I wouldn't change a thing. I love being a mom. I love it with every fiber in me. It's who I am- my kids are my sun and moon. And I want more. More kids, that is. And if that makes me "crazy" then so be it. I guess I'm "crazy."
From the outside looking in, it may seem like we "have the best of both worlds" (and we do-) but that's not to say that our family is complete. That's between Ryan, myself and God. And in our hearts we know our family isn't complete. So don't be shocked if in a year or so I am -GASP- pregnant again. We are expanding (eventually) and I can guarantee you, I will still be able to give them my time, energy, FOOD (haha- someone actually said "Kids are expensive- you gotta feed them!" REALLY?!?! ), clothing, vacations, good times and precious memories. We will not have the nicest house. We won't drive new cars-ever- (unless we hit the mega millions...which we DO play all the time :) I will continue to coupon and live frugally. Our clothes will continue to be second hand or clearanced down to two bucks :) I am content with my 8 year old Coach purse that has a giant orange bleach stain on it. We have stains and rips and if something is name brand its either been bought by my mom or purchased at a garage sale or consignment shop. The point is, the most important thing on this earth is my family. Whether God gives us the 2 children we have or blesses us with 2 more- they are my world. And will ALWAYS be put first and foremost. And I can guarantee you, they will always, always be loved.
Give me your opinion. Is it right for an "outsider" (be that, your mother, your moms friends, your friends, etc.) to have any sort of a say on the growth or expansion of YOUR family? How many kids is too many? How many kids do you plan on having, and why? If you already do have a large family, how do you handle the comments (that I'm sure you get- because lately, I've noticed people lack a lot of tact: "Are they all yours?") I'd LOVE more than anything to hear your opinions on this... its been weighing on me and I'm interested in hearing what my peers have to say.
Thanks for reading such a heavy vent on a Monday morning. I hope you all have a great week. And I promise, really, really promise- I will get back to my Disney posting...soon. :) For now, its time to go figure out what that giant bang was that just came from Maeves room... hmmm.
No worries- I am not going to go "duggar" on you all :)-I will leave you with that last bit of reassurance. :)
***AN AUTHOR CLARIFICATION!!!***
Okay, after reading some comments- I want to make 120% sure that this blog post isn't coming across as though if you choose to only have one or two children, than I think you're wrong- not at all. The ENTIRE POINT of this post is that the number of children in your family doesn't matter to me- and it shouldn't matter to anyone. If you choose to have one, fab. Two? Great. Three? Fine! NO WORRIES. This was a post about how I am thoroughly annoyed by the fact that "outsiders" (meaning those NOT in your immediate CORE family- in my case, RYAN AND I) feel like they should voice an opinion on how many children would make YOUR life easier/better. Make sense??? I hope :) I am really hoping nobody is offended by this post either... yikes... SO NOT MY INTENTION. All my friends are fab moms regardless of the number of kids. I simply want to be able to reproduce without commentary and questioning and opinions. :) There... said my thing. :)