Monday, April 5, 2010

Not Me Monday.

I pulled a lot of "not me's" this week... or, um today, to be exact. Too many in fact to let Monday slide by without me posting (at 10:00 PM- AFTER 2 margaritas- yes this should be interesting) my "not me's." Enjoy. I hope you get some entertainment out of this :)

-It wasn't me who bought so much for my kids for Easter that the entire couch was one giant Easter basket. NOT me. I am too frugal for that kind of business.

-And it certainly wasn't me who made brucshetta & salad for Easter dinner... I am too domesticated for that kind of a meal. A real Easter dinner should consist of potatoes and ham and a beautiful pie- NOT brushcetta (made with canned tomatoes).

-I most certainly did not forget to pick up Henry's meds. TWICE this week... Target doesn't stimulate me that much that my son's skin ointment would totally slip my mind once I got there to pick it up - TWICE. I am too together for that jazz.

-Um... there is no way I'd let my daughter rip into a giant bag of yogurt covered raisins in the middle of the store. And then let her eat THE ENTIRE BAG of said raisins. Later when my daughter starts keeling over gripping her stomach saying "MY TUMMY HURTS" I wouldn't tell Ryan "Oh it must be the Easter candy" instead of the family sized bag of yogurt covered raisins I just let her devour. And when the yogurt covered raisins came up in one giant, white mountainous pile, I wouldn't suggest that she just drank too much milk. Whoops.

-I did not forget to get Henry out of his jumperoo for the 500th time this week... only to find him slumped over, snoozing away. That would mean I forgot that he was in his jumperoo... and things like that don't slip my mind.

-I didn't laugh like a hyena when I heard the blind man in our neighborhood is the leader of our "Neighborhood Watch" program... because that's just not funny... (OMG. HAHA)

-I did not have my sister come over and babysit today so I could go donate blood... but upon finding out I didn't qualify to donate blood, instead race over to Brooklyn to get a massage... not me! I would've gone straight back home. CERTAINLY not spend 50 bucks on a massage... that would be irresponsible.

-I did not tell my husband that I "had the worst headache since the beginning of time" just to be able to watch "The Secret Life of Tiger Woods" last night... UNINTERRUPTED.

-I did not spill green easter egg dye on my AMISH MAPLEWOOD TABLE THAT WAS HANDED DOWN TO ME FROM MY DECEASED GRANDMOTHER. And I certainly wouldn't shed tears or spout out a slew of curse words upon doing so...

-I didn't tell Ryan I was going to Walmart to do my BIG grocery shopping trip (which I certainly couldn't do with two kids) but instead wound up at Lowes fantasizing about a garden and putting a fence around our yard...

-Thinking I had an UTI, I took some AZO- and even after reading the directions (where it CLEARLY STATES it will turn your urine orange) I did NOT shriek in horror and then proceed to call Ryan in, to show him my "alien pee" just to see the look on his face. That would be gross. It would also freak my husband out, thinking I was turning into a giant carrot or something... So I just would NOT do a thing like that... :)

-last but not least, I did not delete all of Ryan's accounting files and our Tax returns to make space for pictures on our computer. That would be a MAJOR WHOOPS. And I don't make major "WHOOPS-ES."

hope you enjoyed my "not-me's" I know you have a few! Post 'em! :)


deverna2004 said...

i seriously laughed outloud about the blind man.. oh, and deleting the pics is totally something i would do!!

Marathon Mom said...

The neighborhood watch post killed me Ashley -- to funny!

Leslie Collins said...

i am still laughing about the blind man!!! what a funny list...i need to start doing not me monday.

jane said...

I think brucshetta and salad is way better than ham and potatoes any day!! That is so funny about Target, it is as if time stands still in that place. My cousin calls it her "therapy". I totally agree.