Wednesday, December 31, 2008

My Last Post of 2008

I don't really have anything significant to post about- but I figured I had to do an "official" end of the year post. I thought I would do some McKenney updates, facts, figures and such... and also talk about this past year- learning experiences, humbling moments and fun memories. For once, I am a bit lost for words- if you are a regular reader of mine, you know thats uncommon for me- I can ramble with the best of them! And I'm reminded by my sisters that my posts are often too long for them to read... (ADD anyone?) But as I write this, moments and days are coming into mind that I think are important to include in a "New Years" post. So... this will probably end up being "too long" for Meghan & Emily, but its my blog and well, here it goes:

Last year around this time I was struggling with some pretty intense anxiety. To be completely honest (and I'm banking on the fact that you will all read this judgement-free) I was "lit" on a bunch of anti-anxiety drugs. I've said it before, but my ativan pills are equivalent to 3 beers- I was allotted 4 a day- and I was taking full advantage of their sedating effects. So yup, there was a time- last year probably to the date- that I was "having" 12 beers a day... I am proud, VERY proud to say that I have not taken an Ativan since November 24th, 2008. Just about 6 weeks! Thanks to UMICH docs. for weaning me off of that stuff! I don't feel like a zombie anymore! :)

My weight: If you were to log onto facebook and look back over all the pictures that have been taken over the past year you'd definitely see some major fluctuations in my weight. Between switching anxiety meds. , dieting, NOT dieting, and stress my weight has been at a low of 110 and at a high of 135. Pretty huge fluctuations... its not too fun. But like I said, my wonderful UMICH docs. have me all evened out on anxiety meds. and I've been working out and eating healthily, so I am hoping to finally, FINALLY drop the weight in the correct way. And then of course, as soon as I get to my goal weight up will pop the positive preggo test, right? :)

ER visits: WOW I think its safe to say we are "frequent fliers" at the Foote Hospital (Allegiance) ER. Between Maeve and I, we've made 4 trips there this year. 2 for Maeve, 2 for me. Thankfully, with my anxiety getting under control, our ER trips will be cut down. But Maeve I'm sure is bound to surprise us this year with a few bumps and bruises...yikes.

In September of this year, I was completely humbled- what a rough month. I know we all need to be humbled and to feel our blessings, but September was really a nightmare. A very good friend gave birth to a stillborn baby girl- shock doesn't begin to describe what I felt when I got that phone call. And another "friend"- more of an acquaintance lost her son to a brain tumor. WOW- to say the least, I felt incredibly blessed and to be honest, guilty. Why some people have to experience such trauma and grief is something our Father only knows.

Here is some good news: I have completely and totally embraced motherhood and I feel incredibly confident in my mothering skills! :) I feel like I know my child like I know the back of my hand- I know what she wants, when she wants it. I also know whats best for her. Even if its not what is best for someone else's child, it may be what works for us. And that is totally acceptable to me. :) When I first had Maeve I would've trusted the "bag lady" on the street for parenting advice- I felt like I had given birth to an alien- not a human being :) Even though I had carried her for 10 months, she was foreign to me- I didn't know how to feed her, I didn't know how much to feed her, I didn't know her cries, I didn't know about medication dosages, I didn't know much about anything! And for a really, REALLY long time I trusted lots of other moms with advice- some was well given and much appreciated, other advice, not so much. And don't get me wrong, I still LOVE getting together with moms and talking and sharing info about our kids but I'm not so quick to adapt to someone else's parenting style. Again, I am confident with who I am as a mother. :) What a wonderful thing!

Lets see, Ryan- remember that guy? I hardly ever write about him! Poor guy! :) Honestly, its because we don't see each other- like literally- don't see each other. Between my work schedule and his, we're hardly ever in the house at the same time. And at night, Ryan's usually working on homework out in the kitchen and I'm either sleeping or blogging or doing something else completely thats lazy. But anyways, Ryan is great- he doesn't like his job, which reflects many times in his moods- not to say he's in bad moods all the time, but its sad because he'll come home from work just disappointed in the day. Luckily, he graduates in August and he will be in an entirely new area of work! YEA! We are looking forward to some good health coverage and better paychecks!

Vacations: Yes, we are notorious for taking vacations. What can I say? I would rather sacrifice food, water and shelter if that meant we could take a holiday! :) Thankfully, we don't need to sacrifice THAT much in order to take a few vacays a year. This year, Maeve and I went to Florida three times and once to New England. It was great! Ryan got to join us twice to Florida- Spring Break and our Disney trip in October. Like I've mentioned before, spring break is April 17th for us and we are counting down the days to sunshine and warmth.

Well, it isn't even close to midnight here in Michigan and to be honest, I am pretty sure I'll be knocked out within the next hour. But the new year will still be there to greet me in the morning... no need to ring it in I guess. :) Especially when you've got a baby who likes to wake up at 7.

OH- one quick last note- I am "CLAIMING" names this year- because there is a baby boom going on and I will honestly be devastated if either of these names are used by a good friend- sound selfish? Yeah, kind of but its New Years, I had diet coke for dinner and I'm sleeping next to my stinky boxer- I think I have a right to SOMETHING fun tonight! :) So...... some of you (probably most of you) may think to yourselves "Ashley I wouldn't use those names if I was on drugs and had a gun against my head" but I L-O-V-E them and will honestly be upset if someone "steals" them:) Henry and Shepherd (Shep) are the chosen names (at the moment) for our future, non-existent sons. Who knows if they will still be at the top of the list when the moment comes, and I also feel deep within me that we are destined to have all girls... BUT if we do have a boy, I am claiming those names!!! :)

Happy New Year everyone! I hope 2008 was great for you all and 2009 will be even better! God bless and peace out! :)

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