Monday, July 7, 2008
Baby On The Brain :/
Huuumph.... I SO have been bitten by the baby bug lately... I've been trying to cuddle with Maeve and she's just not that into it anymore and it KILLS me. She is so independent, totally content with wandering around the house getting into stuff. She actually "yells" at me if I pull her away from something and say "NO." Its like she's annoyed with me or something! Ahhh.... what am I going to do the first time she says "I hate you mom." The other night on the 4th of July, I tried sticking her in my peanut shell sling that she LOVED as a baby. It worked out for a few minutes, but she was too wiggly and wanted out. In the "beginning" (like back in October/November) when I was just learning how to nurse her, I would sit in the shower or bath with her and it was the ultimate bonding time... it was just her and I... she would look up at me and I just KNEW she loved me soooo much :) I know she loves me now.... especially when she is upset with something- then the first thing out of her mouth is "MAMAMAMAMA!!!!" And it does feel great to be wanted/needed. But I miss my BABY!!!!! I want to rewind time and go back to when she was an infant... that tiny little 6 pounder we brought home from the hospital... I love all the new things shes doing but I most def. wish I could push rewind on her life.
It seems like everywhere I look someones preggo... and its making me miss having that life inside of me... and the whole birth experience- as awful as it is, its also beautiful and the most incredible high. I want all that again... :( But we really are going to wait awhile to have another one... partly because Maeve is very high maitenince and partly because physically and mentally, I need to heal still. (if you can even believe that- its crazy what pregnancy and birth does to your body and mind!!!!!)
So for now I will try and soak in every second with Maeve and look forward to being pregnant again. All you preggos out there- enjoy every day of having that baby in you!!!! I promise you'll miss it!!!!!!!!
P.S. I am trying with every bone in my body to not go and get Maeve out of her crib- I miss her sleeping next to me :(