Double D's, Hold the Milk Please!

Holy boobies!!!

So..... I think the majority of people who read my blog are either lady friends of mine or moms... (moms you're my lady friends too!) so I'm going to dedicate a whole post to my breasts and not feel too embarrassed... :/ I just had to write about this tonight because Maeve, Ryan and I went on a huge, long walk and I was thinking about this a good part of the way. To put this on some sort of timescale for you guys, around 5 months of pregnancy, I began leaking colostrum- this clear, very nutritious fluid... it was a pain in the butt because I had to start wearing bras to bed otherwise I would wake up in puddles. :(blah. BUT it was all okay, because I had a BABY on the way, and I was producing all this nummy colostrum for her. After Maeve was born I had a heck of a time breastfeeding- I got mastitis 4 times (fevers, red, hard spots on your boobs- sexy, I know) and for the first few weeks Maeve had a really hard time latching on and staying latched on. The problem was that I was actually producing TOO much milk for her. I would pump for about 3-4 minutes and get a good 10 oz. (5 oz. out of each boob). It was insanity! But I was persistent and it FINALLY clicked with both of us. We were on smooth waters until I started up all that anxiety junk. I was advised by my docs. and hers to quit breastfeeding and go on some medication to control the panicking. So I quit b/feeding in January and it was extremely painful- I had to stuff my bras full of cabbage, take motrin for the swelling, and take hot showers to try and get the milk to come out and STAY out! The pain subsided after a few days and I thought all was good. I was SO excited to be able to sleep bra free and maybe, just maybe have my old boobs back (although I will say this now- once you've had a baby & breastfed your boobs will never be exactly the same. I promise you this.) Well its June 20-something today and I am STILL producing milk. I still have to wear bras to bed, hold my boobs when I run and search for giant shirts to contain them. Ryan is kind of thrilled that I have DD's and yeah, that wouldn't be so bad if MILK weren't still coming out of them! I've asked my doc. about this and she is always so casual about it, saying "Oh it will go away... blah blah blah." It's been 5 months and I am still a milk machine. Its really hard- not just physically but emotionally too- it was HORRIBLE giving up breastfeeding- I felt like I was letting Maeve down and there is nothing worse than feeling like you're failing your kid. So its really hard to keep seeing these wet spots of milk appear- Its like peeling off a bandaid really slowly. I'd rather have the whole process done in one swift rip, ya know? I have no idea why my body is still producing milk... sometimes I think its because my brain so badly WANTS to feed my child... other times I just think its because I'm Ashley Ladwig and I have the worst luck in the universe when it comes to pregnancy and its symptoms. (maybe someday I will be brave enough to show you the damage on my stomach)
Anyhow, the milk production is annoying in lots of ways... just thought I'd share. Sorry again, if this was just way too personal.