... because I'm about to hit the sack.
For the past, ohhhhh, few months or so, I've been had this hurricane in my brain. That's the best way to describe it anyway- just this mesh of thoughts- fears, really- about becoming a mother of 3. I remember a teeny bit of this fear with having Henry, but not like this.
This anxiety hits me every morning as I wake up and realize "WOW. I am still so tired." It hits me as I'm making breakfast and I have Henry throwing a fit at my feet because he wants milk and Maeve shouting from the table that she needs a different spoon. It hits me at the grocery store while one kid is standing up in the cart, about to flip out (giving all the old ladies heart attacks) and my other child is picking grapes and eating them- straight out of the produce section. It hits me at Target when I notice Henry has opened the deodorant and is taking licks of it, and Maeve is leaving a "popcorn trail for the animals." It hits me while I'm with my daughter who is trying-( bless her heart) to poop on the potty and Henry is dumping out the dog water. It hits me at play dates, when one of my kids strips her clothes off and is streaking through the house, while the other is having a meltdown because I put him down for a hot second to put on his big sis's clothes. It hits me at nap time, when the house becomes silent, and I look around. Toys, clothes, food debris, markers on the wall, lotion on the carpet (yeah, don't even ask). It hits me at night- after putting the kids to bed. That first time I sit down and really have nothing (well kind of nothing) to do. I breathe, look around at the mess and think, "HOW IN THE WORLD CAN I DO THIS WITH THREE KIDS????"
ANYWAYS... I am freaking out. I feel like I am doing this magical juggling act every day with the two kids I have. Adding one more, is surely going to throw things. I find myself thinking a lot, "How did my mom do this with FIVE?"
In fact, I asked her that very question tonight. "Mom? How in the world did you do this 5 times? Pregnancy five times? Birth five times? Potty training, breastfeeding, etc. FIVE TIMES?" Her answer?
"I don't really remember. It was all a blur."
Thanks mom :)
But really, how do you do it? How do YOU do it???? I want to enjoy my kids. I don't want to run from mess to mess, stressing about Henry eating dog food off the floor, or Maeve getting out the nail polish. It just seems like these two have my head spinning. At the end of the day, I am beat. BEAT, beat, beat. It takes all of me to get through bedtime stories with Maeve- which is one of my favorite parts of the day- but by the time it rolls around, I can barely focus my eyes on the words. I go to sleep asking the Lord to be with me. No I'm not doing anything dangerous, or going into battle or anything- I'm just trying to mother these two amazing kids and do so, without losing my mind.
I must be in a venting kind of mood tonight- I took another friend down "vent boulevard" with me tonight... I'm sorry to be a downer, but as the birth of this baby is nearing, I can feel my anxiety building. I am really hoping that I can attribute much of my fatigue to the pregnancy itself. Maybe that's why I'm so beat at the end of the day?
So please, mom's of 3 kids (or more?!) tell me- HOW DO YOU DO IT???