Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Hmmm :/

I don't know where my thoughts are or where my head is at the moment. 

I have debated all day on whether or not to touch this subject.

It's one of those thoughts that has left me scratching my head, and thinking "Hmmm."

Ultimately, (obviously), I've decided to take the plunge and blog. 

When my blog was private I had a running list of who's eyeballs were reading this page.  What scares me at the moment, is I could be setting myself up for some harsh words. 

With that said, I feel compelled to write, so, bring it on.

This morning, I hopped onto facebook as I do every morning (CONFESSION! :)  and got a surprise.  It was a notifcation from Facebook that I had violated its terms of use.  I read through it quickly, my eyes wattering, while seeing the words "nudity,"  and "pornography."  I think it took 3 or 4 times for me to read through it to grasp what exactly it was saying.  I had violated the rules on facebook and had posted a nude picture.  "Facebook" let me know they had taken the picture down and I had to check a box saying I would not post anything else "innapropriate."  Then I started wracking my brain, trying to figure out what picture had been taken down. 

I have 84 photo albums on facebook.  YEAH.  Lord knows how many actual PHOTOS I have on there.  And then it hit me- my profile picture had turned into one of those blank, gray issued pictures.  The picture deemed innappropriate, the picture that was referred to as a "nude" picture, was my profile picture of my 3 year old daughter, shirtless, on the beach.


I got a quick and crazy amount of outpouring of support (thanks friends!).  Lots of love, supporting the picture itself, photography, etc.  (45+ comments in like 30 minutes?)

My head wasn't there though.  It wasn't in the picture.  I have the picture.  It's here, at home with me.  It doesn't matter to me if facebook won't "allow" it.  It's a picture I treasure, and that's all that matters.  My head was trying to wrap around the thought that someone out there looked at that picture, and actually thought an innapropriate thought.

Hmmmm. Again.

Throughout the day, I've tossed a few ideas around; Going private with the blog (again), doing some major, MAJOR weeding through my facebook friend list, removing any pictures I have of my kids that could possibly be misconstrued.

It is the last thought that hung me up.  I did in fact go through my albums.  I went all the way back to when Maeve was a newborn.  I went back to this picture:

I didn't take this beautiful picture, my very good friend, Suzie did.  I believe Maeve was 5 days old?  It hangs in our house, and I treasure it.  It will now be removed from facebook, as I'm not sure where the line needs to be drawn at this point.  Along with this picture, I'm deleting any pictures of her (or Henry) that shows them shirtless.

It's so sick that this even needs to be done.  And let me make it clear I am NOT removing these pictures because I find something wrong with them, and I'm worried facebook will "get me."  It's that person out there who looked at Maeve's beautiful picture and thought anything but a 3 year old at the beach.

Anyways, I'm not mad at facebook.  I don't have anyone to be mad at- and to add to the "mystery" more, "the picture" was only deleted from my profile- not my album.  So I don't think its any of my 800+ facebook "friends" that reported it.  Which makes it even scarier.  The report came from someone who really is OUT THERE.  yeeeek. 

The moral of the story, for me anyway, is that I need to adapt to a new kind of privacy.  When it comes to the internet and sites like facebook, and blogger, I can't think like a mom.  I can't post that hilarious picture of my two babes in the bath, splashing like maniacs.  Or the picture of my 2 year old streaking through the sprinkler on a hot summer day.  It's such a shame the world we live in today, but its also the reality.

Anyways, this "stuff" has been running/racing/spinning through my head since I first saw the "notice." 

As a mom, or a parent, or a caregiver,  please tell me, where should the line be drawn?  What should be posted and what shouldn't? 


I'm tired.  My head hurts.  So does my cervix. (ha... more on that tomorrow). 

Good night... and please, please, leave your opinion on this. 

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Katie the Frugal Lady! said...

Ashley, you know my thoughts on the matter...I sent them to you in a private message on Facebook:) I am wondering, maybe you could leave your blog public, just monitor what you put out there. Then make your Facebook private...making all pictures of your family private as well as videos. That is what I have done, as I have a public blog, Facebook page for my blog, and a private personal Facebook as well.

It is so, so sick that we as mothers have to even think about pervs taking an innocent picture of our child as anything more than innocent. It actually makes me sick to my stomach thinking about. But as the wife of a cop...I can tell you, we can never protect our children enough. That doesn't mean we can't post pictures...but maybe just the more person pictures are "private" to our own personal accounts. I have even had to deal with the issue of whether to put pictures of my family AT ALL on my public blog, because my husband is a police detective. It even runs into keeping our family safe from the jerks he puts off the streets. Its a scary world. And a sad world. Its tough. I am sorry you had to deal with this. Not mother likes to think of an innocent picture of their child being taken as pornography or offensive material. Our children are innocent, it should be kept that way! Unfortunately there are some really, really ugly people out there.

I hope you can find peace with whatever decisions you make about your accounts and pictures. I guess technology has added more concerns to motherhood than I think our parents or grandparents never even dreamed possible!

Ashley said...

Hey Katie- yes I did get your message- thanks so much :) I privatized my fb stuff...

HeatherHoskins said...

Ashley- I know how you must be feeling... I think it’s absolutely ridiculous! How frustrating and violating for someone to think the picture was offensive... and not to mention, had the audacity to report it! She's FRICKIN 3!!! Seriously, I'm at a loss for words... From now on... there will be NO MORE "nakie" pics of my kids on FB... you've opened my eyes to the thought of "outsiders" looking at my children in a whole different way! I thought that picture was gorgeous... and it's a shame it had to be deleted! :(

kellilynn17 said...

It is just terrible and sickening! I think you are taking the right actions; though I agree that it is too bad that it has to be like that. I am going to be more cautious now too. I think that the picture was absolutely beautiful, innocent, and artistic. It really is a shame...but a real eye opener.

Nessa said...

so sorry to here about that... that picture is beautiful, innocent and sweet. I wish we lived in a simpler world, where little girls could be little girls all the time... that is the way it should be.

Kelly said...

Hey Ash...thanks for being so open about all of this. It has given me a lot to think about, and now I'm going to go back through the things I've posted on FB with a new perspective.

Klove said...

I, like you, have trouble discerning between what pictures to post and which to keep to myself. It's sick that in today's world, innocent pictures can be tempting to wierdos.

Anyway, on a good note, you won the naturally meg giveaway on my blog. I need your email to send to Meg letting her know you're the winner.



The "L" in ELF said...

I feel for you. I noticed your new pic just now and wondered what was up until I saw your post. I often wonder what I'm setting myself up for blogging as well. Who knows what pervs are out there?

I also get super paranoid being a teacher. I don't "friend" my students until they graduate, but I've had parents send me friend requests and I won't accept. I don't think that they need to be friends with me, at least until their kid graduates. I could totally see something from my facebook page being taken the wrong way and losing my job (that sounds horrible - it's not even like I'm posting anything crazy). I don't really have an answer for you, I just want you to know your not alone in your debate and concerns.