jumbled!

I don't really know what to write today... my thoughts are here, there, everywhere! I wish I would've had an easier labor with Maeve so I could be going into this one with a TON of confidence. Unfortunately, I'm thinking "HOW THE HECK am I going to push for an hour and a half again???" or "I really hope the first epidural works!" Ryan even had the nerve to say "I hope 'WERE' done by noon this time." Yeah- Ryan I hope "WE'RE" done too! haha... :)

I think one of the things I'm most nervous about is Maeve- actually, yeah that IS the thing I'm the most nervous about. She's only stayed overnight one time- she was about 7 months old- we went to the Westin for our anniversary- I cried because I missed her so badly and we came home early! haha :) I'm afraid I'm going to miss her so badly I'll have a hard time enjoying my time with the baby... does that sound bad? I desperately want to make sure we bond like I did with Maeve those first few days in the hospital but how can I put my whole heart into him when my heart will be missing??? I'm afraid all I will want to think about or be able to think about is "Where is Maeve? What is she doing? Did my mom put brown sugar in her oatmeal? Did my dad make sure she's got her baby Dumbo to sleep with?"

[Okay now I'm crying.]

Alright- I'm going to stop getting emotional about leaving Maeve for a couple of days...

This past weekend I tried to make it a "Maeve weekend." Maybe its because I'm a firstborn- but I feel for her! I really do! She has no idea the huge shift that's about to take place in her world! Saturday night my mom, dad, Ryan and I took Maeve to "Chelsea Treehouse." It was awesome. There were literally 2 other kids there (I think it was the quietest I've ever seen the place!) and even though I was unable to climb through the tubes and slides, Maeve had a huge entourage of people willing to play with her. I walked around taking pics (although the camera is packed in the hospital bag and out of sheer fear that I will forget it, I'm not going to remove it to upload the pics!!!) and cheering her on. After playing for awhile, we ate at the amazing Mexican restaurant that's adjacent to the treehouse. Maeve loved the chicken, even though it turned her face red because it was so spicy! After dinner, we let Maeve play for a little more- I can't tell you how special she felt. The four most important people in her life all giving her 100% of the attention- she was looooving it! We stopped for cupcakes and coffee on the way home and since Maeve had decided not to nap yesterday, it was off to an early night night. After Maeve fell asleep, I had Ryan bring her in our room so I could just lay with her. I couldn't sleep- so I just held my bubs and watched some Christmas movies. It was a really nice night.

Today we've hung around the house (minus a trip to my parents to drop all of Maeve's stuff off). We're having a big dinner tonight and I'm hoping we can ALL get to bed early. Scheduled inductions are so weird- you KNOW the amount of pain you're about to be in and yet somehow you have to try and sleep. Also- I have to call L&D at 5 AM to see if they have a bed available. If they do, I'll be told to come in- if they don't... ughhh- either my induction could be delayed or canceled all together. I think a lot of my anxiety will go away once they say "come on in!"

I just asked Ryan if we could bring the computer to the hospital. Since we won't be having many visitors (the H1N1 thing doesn't allow children or anyone NOT directly related on the L&D floor... so only Ryan & grandparents are allowed) I figured it might be nice to kill some time on the comp. I guess we'll see how we're all feeling. Anyhow, expect an update SOMETIME in this next week!

Wish me luck! :)