Where Have I Gone?

Sorry folks, this is going to be a deep one tonight... I'm in that kind of mood.

I don't really know what or how to say a lot of this so I'm going to just free type... today's just been a bad day. I've thoroughly hurt friendships and feelings.

I am sitting here, with my head spinning, crying (of course) and wondering, "Where have I gone? WHERE HAVE I GONE?"

Without giving out much info, I'm in a sitch.

I handled said sitch out of character.

I used bad language, I put others down.

I now feel like complete junk.

I am a 26 year old mother. I am better than this. I am better than that. WHERE HAVE I GONE???

It takes a second to slip. Just a quick second and you're down- and in my case, not just down- but through the ice, under the water and gasping for air. It takes half a second to spew out something that should have been filtered. And it takes years for those spewed words to be forgotten.

I was asked today if I was a Christian- (well more of "you say you're a Christian..." type of thing) and I took a long, hard look at that. I screwed up. Plain and simple. There are no excuses, I messed up.

I feel like I need to be stripped down.  Stripped inside and out, drilling directly into the blatently BRIGHT core issue, that is, my faith- or at this moment, lack of. I look at my sister in Mississippi, who is so strong in her faith- and I am infinitely jealous. She has a peace about her that I so desperately want.   You can see her joy radiating through her eyes.  (Meg I miss you more than words).

Sometimes I'm so consumed with how I look on the outside- who my friends are, how my kids are behaving, what my house looks like- in reality, I need to focus on my rotting insides.  They've got to be rotting.  And friends, I'm being so brutally honest here, these past few months I have been bitter and angry.  I have tried and failed at putting band aids over everything- going shopping, hanging out with a friend, watching a movie, cranking up the music in my car-  I know I won't find what I'm looking for in any of that... not in Ryan, or even my kids. I need the peace that passes all understanding.  And I need it badly.  WHERE HAVE I GONE???

Coincidentally enough, the peace that passes all understanding comes from the God who is still holding onto me.  The God that cringed as I said some awful things, thought awful thoughts, but is still keeping me close and warm, forgiving completely, forgetting and loving me.  He loves me even though I screw(ed) up.   He loves me flawed.   He loves me when I've strayed.  And his love finds me even when I am wondering where I've gone.

There is no doubt I will screw up again and again (and again and again...) but I'm trying to find peace in this moment, knowing that, even with how awful I feel about myself and the words I've said, the feelings I've hurt, the friendships that have been scarred, it's okay. I'm okay. My God is telling me its okay, holding me tight, and asking "WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?"

My answer: :"I'M STILL HERE."... I just need some help up.

Memorial Weekend 2010!

"The best laid plans" should be the real title of this post. It's amazing with even my superb planning skills (more like OCD/controlling skills) how things still can go completely awry. (love the word "awry.")

Lo and behold, Ryan had Saturday off- this does NOT happen people. Normally when there is a holiday, everyone else at Culligan is home but RYAN is the one they send in to do some grunt work. You can imagine my excitement and PURE JOY when he told me he was off on Saturday :)

Saturday was spent cleaning and doing yard work. I planted a mini-garden. It's MINI MINI. Ryan kind of refused to dig up a patch of grass larger than a beach towel... (yeah that's about the size of my little garden... one of those over sized beach towels). We got this wiggle worm hose thingy for Maeve to play in while I concentrated (intensely) on planting my squash (that's all I really have growing in there at the moment... BUT along w/ my scattering of melon plants- which are coming along VERY nicely & my 3 topsy turvy's I am hoping to have some luck!)

Saturday night we rented "Dear John." I was disappointed. I was waiting for her to write "I'm pregnant" or "I have cancer" or SOMETHING really dramatic. Instead it was just a bunch of "blah blah blah." Ryan joked that in order for me to deem a movie "really good" there has to be either a pregnancy or a death. Not true, not true... :)

Sunday we woke up bright and early- I had to be at church at 10:30 to photograph a dedication. We were taking the kids (the dedication was at the church we go to anyway) but I didn't want to try and focus on taking pictures with Maeve tugging on me. So I left early and went by myself & the kids followed with my parents. The service was great... somehow that pastor speaks to my heart each and every time. I honestly start looking around like "are there cameras somewhere recording my reactions???" Because the messages always hit home (sometimes too close to home).

Now, I've expressed my desire to someday be a "photographer"- I am hoping to take a post-production class at some point... anyways, I would love to continue to photograph children, babies, couples, seniors, etc. BUT I have absolutely NO DESIRE, WHATSOEVER to photograph a wedding. The stress combined with church lighting... ummm no thanks. So yeah- that church lighting- this is my 2nd time photographing a baptism/dedication and this one was tougher than the first. This church had stage lighting so it was pretty shadowy. Fortunately the parents saved me a great seat RIGHT in front of where the pastor dedicated Lottie. I was grateful I didn't have to run all over the place :) And believe it or not, even with the crappy lighting, there are some pretty cool pictures. Still editing...still editing...



After the dedication we headed up to Detroit. It was WEDDING time. Our (my family's- not OURS) old foreign exchange student, Martina, was getting married. We totally missed the wedding. I mean, the wedding party was marching out as we were running in. Whoops. We met up with my family & thus began the waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

First we waited outside (for about an hour & a half) for the wedding party to get to the limo & do bubbles... during this time, I made my sister and her boyfriend, Cody, pose for pictures. We joked everyone was going to think they were engaged :) ... they're not. Just for the record. But they do make a cute couple...

We made our way over to the reception which was in Greektown- the only part of Detroit I'm semi-familiar with. Greektown 5 years ago (pre-kids/marriage) was fun... but Greektown with 2 babies, uhhhh not so much. We went to the reception (which was in the upstairs of this really good pizza place) and let Maeve dance and dance and dance. No joke- about 2 hours later (by this time it was 8:30 or so?) dinner still had not been served and my kids were losing it. Well... Henry was okay- he just wanted to sleep but was having a hard time because of the noise and lights. Maeve was a second away from a meltdown. This was really not very "mom" of me- but we were IN Greektown- like a step away from the casino... so I asked my mom if she could watch Maeve for 20 minutes while Ryan and I spent 10 bucks in the casino. We ended up winning 50 bucks. We're lucky like that :)

We ran back up to the reception and dinner was STILL not being served. Now it was around 9 or so. It was time to pack up and leave. Maeve actually fell asleep like a sack of potatoes and Henry followed suit. Luckily we only had a 10 minute drive back to our hotel in Southfield.

We got there, checked in, got the crib set up and ordered room service ASAP. I felt HORRIBLE- Maeve kept saying "I SO HUNGRY!" The food got there semi-fast and Maeve was in heaven :) We spread the food out on the bed and she picked away. I think it was 11:30 or so by the time we fell asleep. It was a LONG DAY.


The next morning started out promising- a great breakfast, followed by a HUGE DOWNPOUR. No Detroit zoo :( We drove home early- around 9 or so, and I was deterrrrrmined to do SOMETHING for Memorial day. Unfortunately the rain hit Jackson as well, and the parades were canceled. Ahhhhh well. The best laid plans, right?

We didn't get to swim at the Westin. We didn't get to the zoo. We didn't see any parades. We even missed the fireworks on Saturday night. BUT it was a good weekend. Even though our plans were kind of all over the place...

What I Thought.

---warning--- before you read this, there are a few "controversial" comments. I really don't want any negative feedback. This is a true, honest post. And I want to be able to say what I feel here. Even if that means admitting embarrassing, shameful things.



On February .... 2007, when I read the positive pregnancy test, I thought this was going to be a breeze. I mean everything- I thought the pregnancy would be easy peezy. I thought rearing a child would be even easier. I thought my biggest hurdle would be labor itself. Haha... what I've learned since then!

When I found out how horrible morning sickness was I thought there couldn't possibly be anything worse. And then "morning sickness" became "all-day" sickness. Yes, it got worse. When I made it out of the dreaded first trimester, I thought it would be smooth sailing. That's what I thought.

When I found out at 20 weeks I would be having a girl, I thought "it doesn't get better than this." It does. :)

When I entered my 33rd week of pregnancy, and my heart palpitations started up, I thought "it can't get any worse than this." It does. :)

During my 22 hour labor, in which my first epidural failed and my 2nd was placed too late, I thought "surely, this is the most painful thing I could ever go through." It's not.

When Maeve was born, I thought she was the cutest thing I had ever seen. There was no possible way she could get any cuter. That's what I thought. But she did. :)

When we drove home from the hospital, I thought of all the things I wanted to do with my little girl. Take her to the park, to Disney, to the fairs, to the pool. I thought those would be our funnest, most favorite memories. They're not. :)

Holding Maeve as an infant, I thought of everything I wanted her to be. A ballerina, a gymnast, a doctor. Those are things I thought I wanted for her. Wanted her to be. They're not.

Last March .... 2009, reading THAT positive pregnancy test I thought I was in the middle of a nightmare. I wasn't. :)

For months, I thought "HOW CAN I LOVE THIS BABY LIKE I LOVE MAEVE?" I do. :)

In July, deep in the emergency room, we found out we were going to be parents of a BOY. I thought they were wrong. They weren't. :)

When it was reconfirmed it was a boy, I thought "just my luck...a boy." Little did I know just how lucky I really was.

For the rest of the pregnancy, anytime I found out someone else was having a girl I thought of the little boy growing inside me and wished so hard that he'd come out a "she." Thank God he didn't.

I had many conversations with my good friends and Ryan with how I thought there would be no way I could A.) love another baby as much as I loved Maeve and, B.) love a boy. I did and do both. :)

I thought baby boy clothes were hideous. They aren't. :)

I thought I'd always prefer Maeve to this poor baby. I don't.

At 4:59 PM on November 23rd, when I held Henry in my arms for the first time I thought it wouldn't and couldn't compare to holding Maeve in my arms for the first time. It did. And in ways, surpassed it, because I had such a short labor with Henry. I was much more "with it," which made the experience better.

In the next few days, holding my sweet baby boy, I started tothink of what I wanted him to be. Again, I thought "doctor, lawyer, pilot, pro-soccer player, etc." That's what I thought I wanted for him.

When we brought Henry home, I thought life will never be the same again. And it won't. Thank Jesus for that :)



...So many thoughts of what I THOUGHT I wanted. What I thought I needed. It's funny how what we think we want, is not what we need.

What's the point of this post? (besides using the word "THOUGHT" WAYYYYYY too much?) I need to loosen up my grip and give up control to the One above. This entire time, He has known what I needed. And He continues to know. What prompted me to write this post, is hearing of yet another little one diagnosed with a life threatening condition. I was at the studio yesterday and took the call from the parent- letting me know that their daughter wouldn't be in class because she was being life flighted up to U of M.

I am horrified with my own thoughts back when I was pregnant with Henry of how I thought that was "bad luck." It's sickening to think about now. The love I have for that little man is indescribable. And incomparable. The love I have for him is unique from that of the love I have for Maeve- which isn't any less and isn't any more... just unique- different.

I realize now, labor is the least painful part of having children. What is truly painful is seeing your kids hurt or sick. THAT is pain.

Looking at my two miracles, I want two things for them- and no, its not to be a doctor or a ballerina- its to be healthy and happy. That is ALL I want for them. And that is ALL they (and I) need.

Today, (and everyday since Henry was born) I HONEST TO GOD think to myself, "Does it get better than this?" That is TRULY how good life is right now. I hope that indeed, (although I can't fathom it) we will be blessed with health, happiness and more babies, and yes, it WILL get better than this!

Maeve & Henry- you are my lights. You both are the reason I do everything I do. I wake up with a smile and go to sleep with a smile because you babies are who you are.

Maeve- you aren't quite ballerina material- you don't stand in your place. You don't listen. You cause me to shake my head and say "Dear Lord" about 300000 times a day. But I wouldn't change you for the world. Maybe you're meant to be a sprinter or a wrestler- you're pretty good at that too :)

Henry- you stink. You smell like a boy all day long. No matter how many baths I give you, your head smells like a foot. But its the best smelling foot I've ever smelt :) I love your stinky head and I love your belly laughs. I love how much you enjoy your food and how you look in awe of your big sissy. I love how I can soothe you better than anyone. And I love that you have a wee wee. Thank GOD you have a wee wee :) You're my boy. And I would never, EVER change that for a second.



Life is good- no, its great. And I praise Him for that. I praise Him for that- and for not giving me what I thought I wanted. :)

Prayers.

I've been kind of blogstalking through a friend's (Alissa) blog and have been reading about a little girl fighting that ugly disease called cancer. Her name is Maggie and I've been following her story for a year or so now. She's been stable but within the past week took a major turn for the worse. I don't know Maggie. I don't know her parents. I do know we have a God who heals. And that's exactly what she needs so, so desperately right now. So please say a prayer for Maggie and her parents. I can't fathom the nightmare they're living in. You can find her blog by either clicking on the link in this post (Maggie) or by clicking on Alissa's name and linking off of her blog to "Maggies Journey To Healing."

Thanks blogreaders :)

Ready to Conquer!

I woke up this morning with a new, fresh outlook on life. I'm healthy. Ryan's healthy. My kids (minus Henry's excema which is really only a huge problem if it gets infected) are healthy. Life is good.

Breakfast was a minor success- Maeve ate a few of her eggies but wanted a cookie. I sternly said "no." And then let her pitch her hour long fit. All the while, I spent some time with my little man- trying desperately to ignore the screaming and kicking coming from the kitchen. After an hour (yes- it was really an hour before she calmed down) we took baths, got dressed and I made up the grocery list for the week. I gave Maeve a scheduled snack at ten (cookies were still on her mind but she settled with goldfish). We headed out the door around 11. Besides Henry blowing out his diaper, it was a really nice grocery trip! Tyson ready chicken is on sale this week for a mere 1.99/lb (that's 1.50 LESS the normal price)! I STOCKED UP!

Lunch was another success. Maeve ate a peanut butter & marshmallow fluff sandwich and I ate the remnants. GROSS. Nap time was good. Maeve slept, Henry slept, I slept. Good sleep all around :)

Around 4 we headed to the studio. I wanted to visit with some friends that I hadn't seen in awhile (due to vacations and busy schedules). It was nice to chat with some adults and let them pass around my kid :) Actually Laura, (midwife, Laura :) took Henry and held him for a good 45 minutes or so while I got to practice using my new lens. :) WAHOO!

2 things: 1- I LOVE my new lens. LOVE.IT.
2- I LOVE my midwife. LOVE HER! :)

We talked about putting in an IUD. And I think I'm going to go for it. Henry was a fab surprise and I can't fathom life without him... but I need to NOT be preggo for a couple of years :)





After taking some pics and talking Laura's ear off about the IUD, we headed home and it was up to me... to throw together a quick meal. I had been planning on making bruschetta- and believe it or not, I had never made it before. Thank goodness it was quick. and good. Leslie was over the other day and we were talking food- our obsession with feta cheese to be exact. She had given me her recipe for the brushcetta and it was just delicious :) I decided to fatten ours up a bit though and smothered the entire loaf with mozzarella cheese- because, ya know- feta cheese just wasn't enough... Anywho, it was great. I will definitely make it again... Here's a pic of the cheesy madness:



As for Henry's excema, its already looking better. THANK YOU LORD. After only one day on the steroid cream its less red and blistery-looking. WAHOO! As for his crankiness??? ummm... the jury is still out on that one.


I DO feel like I conquered today. And that makes me want to yell.... HALLELUJAH!!!! :)

Question #2:

From Alyssa Sauder: "How important is it that you teach your children about your faith...and how do you teach them about your faith?"

INCREDIBLY important. But with that said, I think I'm already failing at it!!! My bestie Angela bought Maeve a children's Bible before she was even born. We've tried reading stories out of it but Maeve prefers those dumb "Dora" books. :( Instead of pushing it, we just relent and read the other books. I have some burned DVD's of "Veggie Tales" that I've put on... I think the Pirate one held her attention for maybe 5 minutes. We say prayers every night but she has no clue what's going on... she just likes "folding hands." We talked to her the entire Christmas season about "baby Jesus" but she was way more interested in "Ho Ho Ho." We are struggling with sticking to a church. We church hop a LOT. And we church skip... oops. It's almost like I'm scared to commit to a church because it seems as though every time we've become members at a church (which was really just twice) we've found something we really don't like or care for and end up leaving. When we make it out the door to church (which is about once a month) its to the First Church of the Naz. I love the pastor, *some* of the people and their kids programs. However, Maeve has a tough time in the nursery. We end up having to get her at every single service and honestly, that's getting old. She's a very social kid- super outgoing... but she doesn't like separation from Ryan and I (or my mom & dad who also go to the church). I am very confident that as she gets older and her attention span gets longer she will become more interested in Jesus and what He's done for us. But at the moment, it tends to go in one ear and out the other. I guess the important thing is that we're putting it in one ear, right??? :)

So....is this normal for a 2 year old? Not sure. I've heard stories of other 2 year olds who are very interested in Jesus, Bible stories and prayers. Maybe I'm not pushing it enough...

What and HOW do you do to teach your kids about YOUR faith? (I really want to know this one... obviously we need some help over here!)


****Also- head on over to the Luphers blog.... little Witt needs prayers. His Aunt Cheryl (who is a friend of mine) says his heart just isn't pulling through anymore. I can't imagine what his parents and family are going through. Maybe leave a loving comment or something just to let them know you're praying and thinking of them :)

Honesty Still Exists!!!!!

A half hour ago I was going to sadly entitle this post "Where'd All The Good People Go?" A popular song by my guy Jack Johnson. You see, for the past 3 days I have been on the hunt for my purse- not just any purse- but a $350.00 coach purse with the matching $290.oo wallet. IN that wallet was my license and about $400.oo in Christmas gift cards. To say the least I was SICK. Literally- last night I couldn't sleep and spent an hour in the shower dry heaving, trying my hardest to keep down dinner and quell that anxiety attack that was inching its way into my brain.
Between Ryan, my mom and I, we had been to every store in Jackson county and been on the phone with every lost and found department.
By this morning, I had pretty much come to terms with the fact that it was gone- probably stolen by some creepo from Walmart on New Years Eve (that was the last time I could recall having it). I had so much pent up "sickness" from the loss of my beloved purse, wallet and gift cards (not to mention $175.00 in gymbucks) that I called up Ryan's parents and asked them to come and watch Maeve so I could get in a good workout- I couldn't think of anything else to do to get the anger and sick feeling out.
I got a great "Body Pump" class in and felt muuuuuch better leaving the Y. And as I drove home I started thinking about how silly the whole thing was- it was a purse- replaceable- a wallet- replaceable- money- replaceable- gift cards- replaceable- I went on like this, going through my head, all the things that were now lost and that I'd have to replace. And of course, my mind wandered to irreplaceable things- Maeve, my husband, my family. Suddenly, things seemed brighter- I could go to Secretary of State and get my new license. I would eventually get over the loss of my Christmas gift cards, I might even luck out and have Ryan feel sorry enough for me and buy me a brand new Coach purse and wallet :)
After my workout I stopped home, fed Maeve some "deceptive" Mac & cheese and headed over to my moms house for another search sweep of their home. The entire time I was over at my moms I was moaning and groaning about how I have the worst luck- starting with the horrible birth experience I had all the way to the tooth extraction and the purse incident. My mom kept saying "Ashley, calm down- we're going to replace all of this... etc." Still though, I felt stupid and horrible for losing all my gift cards and in my head I was going over the huuuuuuuge "to do" list (like getting a new license, AAA card, etc.) I left my moms house feeling incredibly bummed and like God had His giant foot on me (I know get over it Ashley, right????) well I decided to go by Tim Hortons for some coffee pick me up. I went through the drive through and at the window, I paid, then asked- JUST for "laughs and giggles" if they had a lost and found- to my sheer and utter surprise- the window girl said "Brown coach purse?" I AM NOT KIDDING YOU I CRIED!
I STARTED CRYING AND SAYING "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" She wasn't and not ONLY did they have my purse, but they had me come in, view the security camera to confirm that nobody messed with my purse and obviously go through it, making sure everything was intact... then I signed a form and I was free to go with my PURSE- MY PURSE!!!!!!! I sat it in the front seat next to me like it was a long lost friend. The entire way home I kept grinning goofily at it and squealing to Maeve in the back seat about how "Momma's got her purse back!"
Of course when I got home I had a million phone calls to make- my mom, my grandma, Ryan- ALL of them were ecstatic- and my mom cried! hahaha! It was quite the emotional event... she was probably so wrapped up in it because half of those gift cards came from her :) Anyways, what a fabulous day! And whats even more exciting, is the honesty and integrity exhibited by the awesome employees of "Tim Hortons." I am going to send a "thank-you" card to the employees for their kindness and honesty.
Ahhhhhhhhhh..... I am on cloud 9 right now :) And pretty soon, we're headed up to Detroit for our "New Years" celebration. And you can bet I will have my purse securely fastened to me or the stroller at ALL TIMES. (the purse has these hooks on it that you can hook to whatever)

Anyways, again, I have been completely blessed by the grace of God and good people. Hope you all have a blessed weekend :)

Wow! I Feel The Love! :)

Sometimes when you feel so out of touch with people just like that, God puts special people in your day to cheer ya up! Thanks to all who gave me positive feedback about being a momma. Its hard to take comments about that because its who I am- it defines me as a person- my number one priorities are being loyal to my God and my husband and to my MaeMae and to any other children we are blessed with. Motherhood is by far the hardest thing I've ever done- (just last night, at the late hour of 7 PM I passed out on the couch from pure exhaustion from the day- waking up with Maeve at 4 AM, waking up again at 7:30 AM, making breakfast, giving baths, chasing after Maeve, pulling her off the couch 400 times a day, picking up, sweeping the floor about 30 times (pine needles!!!!!!), making bottles, making lunch, making dinner, and going to work, just really wiped me out ya know??? I always say this but those of you with more than one child, how do you do it?? Where do you find your energy? Coffee? :) I definitely feel the need and desire in my heart for more children, but I'm gonna need to rally myself up for it- because it is COMPLETELY exhausting chasing after one little 14 month old! :)

oops. Happy Late Thanksgiving!

With all the excitement of Black Friday I forgot to post about our Thanksgiving. It was absolutely wonderful :) From beginning to end, it was a fabulous day! Even though my stupid tooth was still bothering me...
We started out with making a giant breakfast here at our house. My family came over and ate- very impressed with our cooking skills :) And then Ryan, Maeve and I watched the "Macy's Day Parade." Maeve loved it. She was dancing in front of the tv and squealing in delight at all the colorful balloons and floats. After breakfast and the parade, we got cleaned up and dressed (we had been in our PJs all morning...ahhhhh) and headed over to my parents house to see what was up. Not too much- :) Our fave. surrogate cousin/aunt wasn't there yet and everyone was laying around watching football... blah. So we came back to our house for a nap. And yea for naps- Maeve slept from about 1 or so, to 4:30!!!!!! :) YEAH!!!! Ryan crashed on the couch in front of the game and I was so exhausted from all the dang vicodin I had been taking for my tooth that I just about passed out in our bedroom.
Around 5 we went back over to my parents house, which by this time was bustling whttp://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=622282368607302605&postID=2724973311278023543ith lots of people and activity. It was pretty much your very traditional thanksgiving feast- a huge dinner with lots of family gathered around a giant table. It was nice though :)
We left shortly after dinner- my tooth was still bothering me :( In fact I had to ice the stupid thing after dinner because eating had really irritated it. On the way home from my parents house Ryan asked if maybe, just perhaps I wouldn't be feeling up to getting up in the morning for black friday shopping. I answered with a gusto: NOPE!!!!! haha... so off we went to bed with our alarm clock set for 4:30 AM.
It really was a nice thanksgiving and there are so many things for us to be thankful for that the holiday that once was about stuffing ourselves with as much food as possible has now turned into a day to reflect and think about our blessings... AND still stuff yourself with as much food as possible :)

In honor of Thanksgiving, I feel I should list out what I am personally thankful for:

1. My family- my mom and dad are the best, as are my siblings :)
2. Disney World :)
3. Ryan
4. Maeve
5. Health
6. True Happiness
7. Vacations of any sort...
8. nap time
9. Target
10.God's good grace and unconditional love

***Just a note- the list in no particular ranking order! :) I think you all can guess what I am MOST thankful for... :)

God Works In Mysterious Ways...

During Maeve's naptime today I was flipping through channels and stopped on one that was showing this mother, Lori who was pregnant with triplets. Me, being insanely interested in pregnancy and babies, stopped to watch it. This story is probably the most incredible, sad and miraculous story I've heard. You should really google it or watch some clips on youtube for the full scoop, but here is my take on it:

Last year, on the way home from a mall Kyle, Katie and Emma Coble were riding in their carseats in the back of their minivan- their mom, Lori was driving. She put on the brakes, and a big rig smashed her from behind. The minivan looked like an accordian. All three kids died- (I was sobbing as I was watching this...)

A few months after the horrific accident, the parents learned that they were expecting TRIPLETS!!! TWO GIRLS AND ONE BOY. Isn't that the most miraculous thing? Of course after I watched the segment on t.v. I googled it and youtubed it- so now my head hurts from crying so much. But I just couldn't believe the story. Anyways, I am blown away by the strength of people, like the Cobles. And hearing and watching such a story makes me want to hold my Maybug a bit tighter.

So often I complain about stupid, silly things, like my dog pooping in the basement- not fun, but not something to be torn up about. I think God puts things in my path (like that tv show) to make me stop and be more thankful for what I have. I know I blog about this kind of thing a lot, but it really is a huge issue for me- being thankful and feeling blessed- I feel like I go through my days with a headache and a schedule- this morning I took Maeve into the doc. again because shes been tugging at her ears- everything was fine, but the doctor said if they don't clear up in a few days she gets 3 shots- I instantly felt sorry for her and myself. Its ridculous how minor things really are in life- and unfortunately until something big hits us, we don't realize our blessings. I am continuing to work on this, being thankful for my life, my husband, my daughter, our health. And looking and finding the WONDERFUL things in my life rather than focusing so much on the little "annoyances" of everyday living.