A Little Depressing... But Worth Remembering :)

It's no surprise that my family moving has had a huge impact on me (and the kids).   Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own thoughts about missing my mom and dad, that I forget that Maeve is struggling too. 

Maeve and my mom have a really different relationship.  Basically my mom is the queen of Maeve's world.  On our trips to Florida, my dad gets booted out to the couch, and my mom and Maeve stay up watching "Tom and Jerry" and eating cereal.  The bond that they have is so precious.  And even though at times I can get a bit annoyed because there is absolutely no discipline on my mom's end (which yes, I understand, nana's don't discipline... but come on- reeses peanut butter cups and hershey kisses for breakfast???)- it breaks my heart to see Maeve missing her.

So this is our first (and hopefully LAST) Easter without my parents.  Normally, my mom and I go dress shopping and plan out a big egg hunt.  This year, we don't have any Easter plans except for church.  This Easter we're actually focusing on the real reason for Easter rather than bunnies and all that stuff (which is a good thing...).

Anyways, spending Easter 2000 miles apart, has resulted in packages... EASTER bunny packages to be exact.  The first one was delivered last week- that was from "Gigi"- my grandma (Maeve's other love;).  The kids got candy, "Tangled" and some really cute little outfits.  Today, we got nana's Easter package.   Maeve was beyond excited to see the big box on the table after nap time.  (Keep in mind Henry still doesn't really know what's going on ;)...

Again, the kids were flooded with candy and outfits and books.  But my mom had made a super special book for Maeve.  It was one of those Hallmark recordable books.  I wish I had snapped a photo of Maeve's face as she opened it and heard Nana's voice.  PRICELESS. 

She's been carrying the book around with her all night.  She wanted to sleep with it which was fine with us. 

We tucked her in around 8 and about 8:30, we noticed she was still up- jibber jabbering away.  I peeked my head in and asked,  "Bug what are you doing?  Who are you talking to?"

And she said "I'm just laying here talking to my nana."  And with that, she turned back to the book and kept up the "conversation." 

cue tears.

I miss my mom and dad so much.  :(  And so does Maeve... (and Henry ;)

Happy Birthday Nana...

...ALL the way from Michigan!


I woke Maeve up this morning and told her it was Nana's birthday.  She immediately started listing off the things we were going to do at her party.  I told her we couldn't do princesses or balloons, but a cake would be a good idea.

We called my mom and Maeve went on and on about her birthday cake.  Bless her heart, Maeve thought we were making a cake for Nana, meaning- Nana was coming over to eat it :(...
After nap time, I frosted the cake, and Maeve did 100% of the decorating (as you can see ;)

All in all, I think the cake was a good idea- even if she was completely confused and a little let down when we sang happy birthday and blew out the candles, but there was no Nana.

Today is one of those weird, hard days up here for me (us).  It's not a holiday, like Christmas or anything, but its just one of those days that we've always spent together.   Last year, my mom spent her 50th in the hospital (NOT fun...) but at least we were together ;)

Anyways, we wanted to celebrate the day even if we aren't WITH Nana. 

So......... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM/NANA!

Love,
Ryan, Ashley, Maeve & Henry

and here we are.

Today's not a great day. Things could be worse, granted. But I'm still going to sulk, pout and cry... just because I can I guess.

My mom left this morning and for the first time since my family's left, we're not sure when we'll see each other again. She doesn't have any Michigan trips planned and we don't have any Florida trips planned (except for Spring Break in March).

I was my mom's chauffeur this morning and we made the rounds through Jackson, saying good byes. It sucked. Plain and simple, it sucked. I don't like seeing my mom upset... or anyone really, so it was just a long morning with lots of tears.

I think the worst part of day was by far, dealing with Maeve and her feelings. She's a smart three year old... when she hears talk of "airplanes or airports" she knows what's coming. The ENTIRE drive up to Detroit she was trying to confirm her place on the plane. "I go to FLORIDA!!! YEA!!!" My mom would try to tell her that "nana" had to go be with poppa, Maeve said "YEAH! POPPA!" It was just heartbreaking.

I kept my giant sunglasses on to catch my dripping mascara. We said our goodbyes and I shut the door so I wouldn't have to hear her say bye to Maeve.

For about 30 minutes Maeve screamed at the top of her lungs that she had lost her nana. Around Chelsea or so, she finally fell asleep.

When we got home I told Ryan I just needed a minute in the shower ALONE. He got it, and took over with the kids.

That's where I had my full out, ugly cry. I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss my sisters and brothers. I miss our old house. I miss the studio. I miss the simplicity that used to be. I'm sad that my little brothers are having such a hard time adjusting to life. I'm sad that my little sister is alone in south Florida, and not happy. I'm sad that my mom and dad have had to see the entire family dissipate.

Ryan and I have since talked, and we made a pact- (like Ryan said the words "I give you my word"... cheesy:) that we will not be residents of Michigan past August 1st of 2011. I know I've said that before, but it feels good typing it. Its like I'm putting on the record.

SO... here we are, life carries on as "normal" tomorrow. I am not looking forward to explaining 3000 times where "nana" went and why we can't go to Florida. I'm just tired... really, really tired.

Fingers and EYES OH MY! :)

I feel so pretty...((sorta)) :)

I did something today that I haven't done in years.

Wanna take a guess?

I painted my finger nails. I sat down during the kids' nap, put my feet up on a stool and painted my nails. I then let them dry with a little fan on me... and I fell asleep.

And for some reason, this simple act of feminism has really been the highlight of my day... eek- dare I say my week?

I painted my nails a brown/peachy color. I don't know if that color is in or out. I haven't picked up a Cosmo since I was a roomie in the ghetto :) I like the color though... and my fingers feel pretty...refined. :)

My mom is here from Florida. Which means- BUILT.IN.BABYSITTER. I have scheduled every appointment under the sun for these next two weeks- dermatologist for a full body skin scan? CHECK. Annual at the gyno? CHECK. Hair appointment? CHECK. Acupuncture (which I haven't been able to do in ages) CHECK. Made up appointments just so I can get out of the dang house??? CHECK.

This morning I had my eye appointment. Walking out the door, alone- turning on my ipod and listening to Mumford & Sons, "Little Lion Man" without having to turn the volume down every twenty seconds was divine. But what was so, SO much more, was that I got an hour (maybe an hour & a half?) to focus (HA no pun intended) on MY eyes. My poor, neglected eyes. You see, my insurance for the past... I don't know- like 4 years??? has been CRAP. With Ryan's new job, we have this fab insurance... and not only was my appointment totally covered, the nice sales lady then said "You have a 300.00 allowance for glasses." WOOOOOOOOAHHHH! Seriously- heaven. I picked out a pair of COACH frames... with bipolycarbonate lenses- and paid NOTHING. You have no idea how much this excites (excited) me.

To sum up today... I feel pretty. From my fingers to my toes, up to my eyes and in my ears. I just feel refreshed, and recharged.

Isn't it incredible how once you become a mom, the most simplest of things (painting your dang finger nails??? Getting yellow pressure drops put in your eyeballs???) turns into total bliss?


The cherry on top of this day would be if I had a sprite zero and a bag of gummy bears... ahhh... red gummy bears, with my pink nails....

who knows,maybe I'll splurge and get a bit crazy tomorrow night :)

Happy Tuesday!... have a good humpday!

the grass is greener (really.)

Florida trip of September 2010 is over and done. It went fast. I have lots to blog about... lots of pictures to post... lots of thinking to do.

I guess I'll start with the easy stuff- the actual trip itself... ya know, what it contained and all that.

EARLY (and I mean earrrllly) Thursday morning (the 9th) Ryan took Maeve, Henry and I to the airport. I was not in a good mood. I was ticked that Ryan wasn't going. I was sure that this entire trip would be disastrous for my mental state. And I was fairly positive I'd be ready to bust through the emergency exit door on the plane 20 minutes into the flight.

We got through security fine- I've said it before, but it amazes me how nice airport people (fellow travelers) can be. There is NO WAY I could have hauled everything that was hauled if it weren't for the help of some very kind people. They helped me fold and unfold the stroller, take shoes on and off my kids, etc. Very nice :) Security is usually the most stressful part of the actual airport experience (or so I thought) but we really breezed through it this time around. On the other side of the terminal, I bought the kids breakfast, fed 'em and then realized I had about 10 minutes to boarding... and my gate was at the other end of the terminal... whoops! Off I ran (kind of) with Henry in the moby, Maeve in the stroller, back pack on my back, carseat strapped to the back of the stroller... I don't remember the gate number, but I remember getting there and having it be completely dead. I got this sick feeling of dread- that I must've gotten the times mixed up and we missed our flight. My mind was reeling- I was having visions of being stranded in Detroit with my two (really) tired kids and all of our CRAP.

I don't know how long I was standing there for, with my mouth open, gawking at the empty space- but eventually someone from Spirit asked, "Are you looking for flight -du du du- ((don't remember the number)) going to Orlando?"

Me: "Uhhhh yeah... OMG did I miss it?"

Spirit person: "Not yet! But its boarding at gate ((such and such- again don't remember the gate number- but I DO remember thinking holy COW that's at the other end of the terminal!!!!))" I was ticked. I seriously ran as fast as I could to the other side of the airport- each step, that STUPID carseat hitting my shin. UGH. FINALLY we were at the right gate and I, of course, was one of the last to be boarding. NOT a good thing. Between Henry in the Moby, me prompting Maeve to keep MOVING, the backpack on my back and the carseat over my head, I successfully nailed probably 50 people in the head as we made our way back to our seats. What an entrance.

Once seated, I started calculating in my head the game plan. Stall as LONG as I can with any snacks, treats, games, activities, etc. Hmmm.. that lasted two seconds. Maeve must remember flying- and she must remember that flying is associated with new toys and treats. She immediately asked for fruit snacks. DANG! strike one. Before we were even off the ground, she had polished off a pouch of fruitsnacks, a nutrigrain bar and a yogurt. Henry was happy... for a bit. I'd say an hour into the flight, the lack of sleep started to catch up with both of my kids. Maeve took it in stride, did wonderfully and with very little whining, went to sleep. (WOOOOO! ONE DOWN! ONE TO GO!) HENRY. HENRY. HENRY. This kid- he seriously defies all odds. He had been up since 4 AM and was showing NO signs of sleep. Only hysteria. I think the lack of sleep must have the opposite effect on him- instead of getting really tired and red eyed, he gets crazy eyed. He started screaming, arching his back, pulling my hair, all that good stuff. Yes, I had everyone looking at me. Yes, the people in front of us asked for ear plugs- FOR REAL?!?!? Yes- for real- they were given neon orange pairs of ear plugs. The people behind us were mumbling about "babies and how there should be a "family" section on an airplane." I wanted to turn around and say something not nice. But I was afraid I'd get air marshaled or something- and that was the last thing I needed. The grand finale of the flight was Henry ripping out my left earring. Ouch. It was a teeny diamond stud- not even a hoop- but somehow he managed to rip it clean out. And of course- it was my only pair of real diamond earrings. I searched in between the seats and all over the floor, in my bra, in my hair, in Henry's diaper- that earring was GONE.

Landing in Orlando kind of felt like I had just made a mission to Mars or something. I was so proud we were there- healthy, and in one piece (well besides my left ear). We met my mom in baggage claim- and I really, REALLY wish I would've had a video camera, because there are not words to describe this reunion. My mom RAN to Maeve- FULL SPEED- yelling "MAE MAE! OH MY GOD MAE MAE!" People stopped and looked- my mom fell on her knees- grabbed Maeve and was rocking on the ground, CRYING. I am POSITIVE people thought they were witnessing an adoption or something. I was standing with Henry in the stroller- and someone said, "Awww! How sweet!" And I said "Yeah they haven't seen each other in 3 weeks."

Once in the car, my mom started talking a mile a minute about all the things we were going to do. Here's the really funny part- I was born in St.Augustine, Florida. After living there for a few years, and moving up to Michigan, we visited family in St. Augustine probably 3-4 times a year? EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. OF. MY. LIFE. I know the streets. I know the stores. I know the restaurants. I even have been to the ER and a doctor there because when I was younger, my kidney problems were so bad that I would get a UTI every time I swam- therefore, trips to Florida, were pretty much guaranteed I would end up with a UTI. Anyways, what I'm trying to get at, is St.Augustine is really like my 2nd home. Not only is it really my home (home town) but its also the place I've gone and stayed for the past 20 some years. My mom, has apparently forgotten this, because as we drove to their home (now in St.Augustine- well really, Elkton) she pointed out all the major landmarks. It was seriously like the twilight zone. "Ash- there's Flagler college!" "Oh Ashley- I'm going to have to take you for dinner at O.C. Whites- you'll love it. It has a little terrace with lights- its so beautiful there." Well mom, you've taken us on a tour of Flagler about 300000 times, and O.C. Whites just happens to be my favorite restaurant in St.Augustine... so strange, right???

I guess she was just excited to have us there... anyways, we got to their "home." I hesitate to call it "HOME, HOME" because they're renting it and "HOME" still feels like 3700 W.Morrell. Anyways, it was a trip to say the least. It looked NOTHING like our house on Morrell. They had gotten all new furniture... all new kitchen appliances... new bedding...new t.v's... it was so bizarre. It was like they had a brand new life. And yeah... it was sad. I actually kind of balled up the first day or two, not really wanting to see anything in their neighborhood- not wanting to check out their "tiki bar" or "Jimmy Buffet" chairs. In one word, I was/am jealous. We should be there. We should have Jimmy Buffett chairs and a Florida room.

I didn't feel comfortable sleeping in the new bed...not that it wasn't comfortable- it was (besides the crazy balloon bed comforter...) its that I felt like I was "visiting" and I hated that. I didn't like that I had to ask where the spoons were. Or where to get fresh towels. Again, just so bizarre!

I won't go into depth here, because these conversations are really personal... but I had some very poignant, MUCH needed talks with my mom, dad and grandma. Remember- my dad left without saying goodbye- he thought it would be too hard to stop by the house and say bye to the kids and I... so that was really hurtful, and I think I was still upset about that... Not mad at him- not at all- just upset, sad... things were cut off pretty quickly. Anyways, great conversations... great plans... and that's about all I can say at this point ;) -such a tease right?!?

My mom said it was my "birthday week." HA! :) I felt like a kid again. Every day she asked "What would YOU like to do today? It's YOUR birthday!" :) We ended up doing the usual... beach, St. George street, lots of good food... swimming, etc.

My favorite day by far was going to the beach. I posted on facebook that there is nothing more healing (for ME) than to ride the waves in and out. Just be a speck in the ocean. It's really more of a symbolic thing I guess... but I can't tell you the peace I had while alone in the sea. My mom was watching Maeve and my dad was holding Henry while I tried (and failed) at riding the waves :) I've surfed before, but the honest truth is I'm really no good at it. You'd think if I could do back handsprings on a 4 inch beam, I could balance on a long board... nope. I didn't have a board this time around, but the waves still beat me up good... I have bruises up and down my thighs and I'm still picking sand out of my ears. But it was beautiful. My favorite kinds of waves are the big, gentle ones that don't break but just lift you up and then down. I could sit there forever riding those. I told Ryan that my very first purchase when we move to Florida will be a long board-a pink one with white flowers (I would get a white one with pink flowers, but I think a huge white board might be a little to similar to a fish?...definitely don't want to be mistaken for bait). And I'll make it a point to go at least once a week. Even if I wipe out and get mouth fulls of water and sand. :) My dad is a surfer- I mean, he talks the surfer lingo and everything- he kept pointing out good waves, and how he could have "totally rode the green room in that one." :) The waves happened to be pretty good the day we went to the beach, and apparently I wasn't doing such a stellar job (as stated before) and my dad really wanted to get out there. I don't know how far out I was compared to where my dad was, but he started waving me in... as I got closer, he said "Ash I'm pretty sure I saw a dorsal fin." Talk about a sight- I was out of that water in probably two seconds flat. I must've looked like a hot mess- my tankini all bunched up, exposing my lovely, scarred belly... my face red from the sand and sun... blahhh.. Anyways, I got on the shore, holding Henry, only to find my dad in the exact same spot I was just in. Nice. Apparently I was done and he needed a turn. :)

There are a few restaurants in St.Augustine that are "must do's." On my list, it would be "The Columbia", "Harry O's", "OC Whites", "Barnacle Bills" and "La Pap Pillion." We made it to 4 out of the 5. And I'm pretty sure I ate more in that 5 days than I've eaten all summer. Good GOD. Why do my vacations have to revolve around food?!?!

Emily came up from PBA (Palm Beach Atlantic) to visit for 2 days. Can I just say that the combination of a very doting aunt, the best nana, poppa and gigi in the world= heaven????? I think I slept in every day until 8 or so? One day I might have been even pushing 9... my family was awesome- they wanted every second with the kids... and that was great with me! I got to actually sit and enjoy dinners- if a kid was being crazy, I had 4 people arguing over who got to take them on a walk. Back at the house it was, "Ash, can I take Maeve on a bike ride? Can I take Maeve to the pool? Can I take Maeve...." you get the idea... and every time my answer was, "Why of course you can, yes!"

Monday came toooooo fast. I swear to you all- if Ryan were with us, I'd tie him up to a palm tree in my parents yard and we would have never returned. We'd still be in Florida. The ONLY thing that was driving me back to Jackson was Ryan... and I guess he's a pretty good "thing" :)

We decided to wake up really early Monday morning and go to Sea World. Hmmm... brilliant idea. HA!!!!!!!!! Not. The drive to Orlando was about two hours, and by the time we got there it was hot. Not just Florida hot- but HOT- like you're insane for going to a theme park in that kind of heat. It's just common sense- you don't do it. When there's a 90 degree day you go to the beach or the pool. NOT to a theme park. I was overheated by the time we walked from the car to the front gate. And when the price of the tickets were rang up I was boiling. (did you know for a ONE DAY PASS to Seaworld, its 70 bucks???? GOOD LORD!)

Once in the park, we tried (and succeeded I must say) to cram everything in that we possibly could cram in 6 hours. We had to be at the airport by 4:30. I am super impressed with all we did/ and saw. Highlights on MY list, were the Shamu show "Believe" (even though it was the corniest thing I've ever seen- those whales are just amazing!) and touching the sting rays. I have no idea why I enjoyed that so much- (wait- probably because it was in the "Key West" part of the park and Jimmy Buffet was blasting! :) but I could have stood there and "petted" those rays all day! I loved their texture and I liked how excited they got over food. I can't say I wasn't a wee bit scared I'd be that ONE person to get stung or bit... but all was good, and as long as we don't contract any stinky sting ray diseases (our hands REEKED after touching them) , that was by far, my favorite part :)

If you were to ask Maeve what her favorite part of Sea World was, she'd say the sharks. WTH?! I totally thought she'd get a kick out of touching the rays, the giant walrus, or umm.... SHAMU?!?!?! But nope... she loved the shark exhibit. She loved it so much, that we got to see a fabulous tantrum thrown to do it again and again. THEN, in the gift shop, when given the option of picking out a souvenir, she picked out a plastic hammerhead shark. Out of all the cute beluga whales, penguins, seals, etc. a HAMMERHEAD SHARK?? Hmmm... whatever floats your boat love :)

By the time we left for the airport I think our core temps were all over 105 degrees. My babies were balls of sweat. And I felt suuuuper faint. We said horrible good byes. (HORRIBLE. Like from the movies- I'm holding Maeve back as she's screaming "NO NANA NOOOOO!! NANA COME WITH!!!!" and my mom is bawling saying "I'm so sorry!" It was awful. I cried all through security. I cried through dinner with the kids. And when we got to the gate and saw that our flight was delayed I cried even harder.

I can't think of many more inconvenient life pit stops than being delayed at the airport- by yourself- with two kids. With two, HOT, tired, whiny, LOUD, cranky kids. I sequestered us over in a corner of the airport- there was a square of chairs and between me, the carseat and the stroller, I could unleash the beasts and let them run. I know I was getting looks and people were thinking "Look at how out of control those children are!" but they can all kiss it. It was the best I could do given the situation.

I don't remember what time we boarded... I know we were supposed to board at 6:15. We didn't get into Detroit until 11. While I could sit here and do some major complaining/venting... I really have to say my kids were rock stars on the plane. Maeve passed out before take off. Henry gave into sleep about 45 minutes into the flight. He fussed on and off, but hey- he's teething and it was way past his bedtime. I can't blame him for being less than pleased.

Pulling into Detroit, was a haze. I really don't remember much- my head was pounding, I was still REALLY HOT, and exhausted doesn't begin to explain my overall physical and mental state. I was thinking two words: "FIND. RYAN."

He was waiting in the baggage claim area and he was pretty much like an oasis. He took all the crap out of my hands, and even managed to carry a very sleepy MaeMae.

In the car, I told him that I was pretty sure I had sun poisoning and I needed to go to the er. His typical response, "Seriously?" I told him, get me a giant bottle of water, excedrin and that I would let him know when we got closer to Jackson if I did indeed, need to go in for dehydration and the brain anyurism/migrane/headache. Would a trip really be complete without me coming down with some sort of medical condition?? I in all honesty thought that the pressure on the airplane, combined with the headache I already had, had created an anyurism (and yeah- I know I'm not spelling that word right). Luckily for everyone involved, I fell asleep and woke up in our drive way- headache free. False alarm on the anyrusim! :) haha :)

I titled this post "The Grass is Greener" because well, in Florida the grass IS green... not yellow/brown. AND because I caught a glimpse at what life would be like if we were to reside in St.Augustine. I'm not sure on exact dates. But I can guarantee you our address will not be Jackson for much longer. I am bound and determined... that the grass is really greener on the other side. :)

It Takes A Village.

My mom flew in from Florida last Wednesday night. To be completely honest- (and yeah this is a tad shameful for me to write) I was kind of dreading the week long visit. Most of you know my house- its small. Not like shoebox small, but small. And don't get me wrong, my mom is my best friend- I love her more than anything- but I felt like I was just kind of getting over the blow of them being "gone" and its like the wound reopened. Does that sound really melodramatic? Hope not.

Anyways, its Monday morning. My mom leaves in 2 days. And I'm devastated (once again). These past few days have been some of the most wonderful days... calm, fun, stress-free- all that good stuff.

We've all heard the quote "It takes a village to raise a child." And whoever said that (I apologize wise quoter) was RIGHT ON. I don't think parenting is meant to be mom and kids, at home all day, ALONE. I need my mom. You need your mom! We all need our moms! :)

Or SOMEONE... someone to help hold the baby while you take the toddler to the potty. Someone to take the toddler, while you feed the baby. Someone to help fold the mounds of laundry or do a quick sweep of the house. Someone to hold the fort down while you- HEAVEN FORBID- take a shower- ALONE. Someone to fall back on when the kids are being extra cranky and you just need an extra set of hands. To put it mildly, I've been spoiled this past week.

Our routine has flown out the window (and if you know me- I'm a tad on edge because of that) but really- I am going to miss this!

My mom is sleeping in Henry's room on a giant air mattress. Therefore, if Henry wakes at all during the night, she has been taking care of him. Um... I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for this.

In the mornings, she's been walking Maeve down to the park, and I have about a solid hour to clean- this means at night (normally when the cleaning gets done) I can just crawl into bed- UNHEARD OF!!!

We've gone to the grocery store twice. Do you know how much easier it is when there is a 2nd adult present???? I mean- I am floored. And once again, really, really going to miss this help (and her).

And let me also clarify- its not just all this extra help that has me on cloud 9. Its having her "back"- even if its just for a week. It kind of made things feel like normal again. Although we are coming up on Wednesday (her departure day) I feel like we had a lot of closure this week. She's visited the old house a few times, tied things up with friends, and has spent a TON of time just focusing on the kids, which I think, was the most important thing. Maeve is at a weird age- where she is just starting to really get things- it was hard for me to explain to her where her "nana" had gone. It's been nice to get that load off my shoulders and have my mom here to help explain things.

I am sad that our week is coming to a close. If I had the money (well I wouldn't be in Jackson, MI of course) but I'd build a sprawling LADWIG compound- where we all resided in separate little homes, but had each other there 24/7 for support and help.

For now, I will relish the time I get with my mom. Countdown the days until we go to Florida and be thankful that I have my mom in my life at all- even if that means she is 20+ hours away in Florida.

Mom- thanks so much for coming up and helping out this week! Nobody can or will ever take your place. You are the nana and as much as you think the kids will "forget" about you- its impossible- you're way too loved and part of our village! :)

New Years...

is quickly coming up. Does New Years intimidate anyone else or is it just me? It feels like you need to turn yourself into a better you- scary! I mean, I love New Years- simply because of the champagne and that "new" feeling- but the next day I have this nagging voice in my head saying "get to the gym," "liquid diet," "do the laundry more often," etc. you get the picture right? I have already made out my list of resolutions. I stick to them for awhile- I really do- partly because I am as stubborn as a horse (is that the saying??? :) and partly because they truly are important resolutions.

I won't share the bulk of my resolutions because some of them are embarrassing and who likes to share their flaws? But I can give you a quick summery of them- many include house stuff- like cooking healthier stuff, cleaning the bathrooms more often, etc. Then there are some stupid ones like not parking in the "For expectant mothers" parking spots- although I think that's a crock- excuse me, hands up moms who aren't expecting and who don't have kids under one- does it get ANY easier to load and unload your kids, stroller, diaper bag, etc??? NOPE. (and my hand is raised- so is Maeves) So I really think malls, grocery stores, etc. should have parking spots for anyone who has a kid under the age of 5. I think after all your kiddos are over the age of 5 and you don't need to lug in strollers and diaper bags and blankets, THEN you can park far away and walk your family in. Okay- sorry for the tangent- I feel very strongly about those dang parking spots. Of course I have the typical weight loss resolutions... who doesn't? I guess Nicole Richie... skinny stinker (this is a family blog- I won't use the word I wanted to :) And then I have the "personal" ones that have to do with my anxiety, OCD and "family planning." And thats as far as I'll go with that! :)

Our New Years plans are pretty simple- Ryan gets out of work early tomorrow and we'll go out for dinner with my family- then MY family will set off to see a movie (a new years tradition) and me, Ryan and our mover & shaker will head home. Maybe if we're lucky Ryan and I can RENT a movie and actually stay up for the whole thing :) But I will admit- I am super jealous... when is the last time I saw a movie in a theater you ask? When I was 8 months preggo with our missy- coincidentally it was "Knocked Up." Maybe I should put that on my list of resolutions- to see a movie in a theatre this year :) Back to New Years plans- New Years Day, hubby gets off- YES. I've heard rumors of some football game being shown at my uncles "home theatre." Ryan has hinted he is attending but I'm going to try hard to get him to spend at least SOME of the day with us. New Years night, my family always has a ham dinner- ham is just about the only meat I really like- I mean, I will eat chicken, but I don't enjoy it so much.

Ryan has to work on Friday :( But Saturday, we're heading up to Detroit for our big "New Years" celebration at the Westin. OH have times changed!!!! Two (or was it 3???) years ago I was celebrating New Years in Ann Arbor with friends- don't ask me details, I can barely remember where we went... But this year, since we're not going out for New Years, we're going to ring in the new year a few days later, but at the AWESOME Westin- we're gonna go swimming, eat some good food at the Prickly Pear (or MAYBE "Cheeseburger in Paradise") and celebrate with Maury's famous cupcakes. I'm excited :) Even though we're not getting all fancied up to go out with friends, I am looking forward to THIS New Years more than others.

WELL, as I type this, my mom is walking in my door to watch Maeve for an hour or so- I'm getting my out of control- neanderthal looking eyebrows waxed, and then going grocery shopping. I am trying out a "Deceptively Delicious" meal tonight. Ryan's not so thrilled, but the truth is, this WHOLE family, including M&M Maeve needs to jump on the healthy boat. I will post later tonight on how the meal turned out... :)

Peace out y'all! :)

Peace, Love & Lobsters

Haha... so I am BACK from Boston- back with stories to tell and a refreshed look at life. Did you know a week in solitude (meaning no tv, internet, phone service, etc.) can do that to a person? For just about my entire life I've fallen asleep to a television and to be honest, I was terrified to go to sleep in dark silence... maybe because it would force me to think about things. Who knows, but for some reason the background of the tv seems to wash out any negative thoughts before bedtime. Negativity screws up your sleep... ANYWAYS, about New England!

SO MUCH FUN! The flight was awesome- very uneventful and short- just how I like 'em. We flew over Canada so I got to see Niagra falls from the plane which was pretty sweet. It looked like a giant whirlpool. We actually landed in Providence, RI. A small, lazy airport which was great because the last thing I needed were the lines and rudeness that Detroit metro has to offer. After we got our bags and weaved our way out the door and into my moms car, we were on our way into Boston. We stayed in Boston (downtown) for 3 days- it was awesome! I love cities :) I think I've talked about my obsession with airpots in a previous post but yeah, I love people and I love it when people are on agendas- thats usually what you find in big cities. LOTS of people in a hurry to get somewhere. And I love to be in places that don't sleep. We stayed in the Chinatown district the first night, which I loved- (we were RIGHT next to Tufts Medical). Boston is the perfect city- tons of history which always adds depth to a place, but completely modernized, and very clean. :) What a green city they are! The 2 other nights we moved on over to Cambridge (which is right across the St.Charles River). While in Boston, we saw all the touristy stuff and did a couple activities for the kids. (Alec & Maeve) We did the aquarium, the science musuem, we walked through the commons, etc. It was adorable because my grandma, who is from New England, knows Boston and all of its surrounding areas like the back of her hand. She was guiding us all over the place, telling us naughty stories of her drunken college days. She pointed out bars and would say stuff like "Oh Ashley! I've had many a martini there!" My personal fave. story was about how it used to be legal to drink and drive... we asked her, "So you were driving down the road with a beer in your hand?" And she said, "Well no, I didn't drink beer. It was probably a fifth of vodka." OH grams :)

We also took a drive up to New Hamp. to see my sis who is working at a camp in the middle of nowhere. It took about 4 hours to get there and I wasn't sure if we'd make it back. Those dang mountain roads are scary- I had to pop an ativan. (haha confession) But it was worth the drive- Meghan was in desperate need of some visitors and we got to see where she had been living for the summer. It was really beautiful and rainy and misty up there... It was so fresh and new feeling- I enjoyed it :)

The 3rd day we didn't do much Boston-y stuff. We pretty much took a walk, ate breakfast/lunch and drove to my Grandmas.
My grandma inherited her old house in Fairhaven, Mass. which just happens to be a quaint (very quaint) cottage right on the ocean. It was absolutely breathtaking- not the cottage but the ocean. I had been there as a kid, but I was so interested in all of that darn pioneer/plymouth rock crap that I missed out on the beauty of the ocean and the people. I LOVE the residents of Fairhaven- it was like being in the movie "Jaws" (which is a fave. of mine). I enjoy how they love their seafood, the Red Sox and the weather. Smile :)

We spent the week eating, sight seeing and reflecting- I say reflecting because after dinner there was absolutely NOTHING to do. There was one television but it was constantly inhabited by my little brother and it wasn't worth the fight to try and get him to change the channel off of "Hannah Montana." (haha soooo called him out on that one!!!! He's got a big 'ole crush on Miley!) Anyways, I was in this tiny room that had ceilings so low that I (yes 5"2) me hit my head on probably 4 times a day. But I have to say it was so peaceful at night, listening to my ipod and thinking of "things." I won't be specific about every thought I had- (not that my thoughts are very interesting... they're just my own I guess). I thought lots of Ryan and our relationship and the love sleeping next to me. It had been a LONG time since I had been away from him for that long, and I CRAZY missed him. I came to the conclusion that I couldn't be a single mom. And I prayed every night (oh yeah thats another thing- I got a long prayer in every night- undisturbed by tv or people) that God would never do that to me- make me a single mom. I thought about having more babies... I thought a lot about my parenting skills- what I want to improve on and what I think I have mastered. Patience is something I desperately want and NEEEEED. Especially with Maeve :) Sweet bugger- she is such a pistol. Constantly defying me and pushing the limits... and she is only 10 months old! Yikes. I thought how its funny that for almost 10 years I've been madly in love with the same person. And how I truly believe there is one person for everyone- God gave me Ryan so early and its been such a tough journey to get where we are today (not that we're in this perfect place) that I wonder why we couldn't have met later in life. But thats all water under the bridge... I thought about how when I got back I was going to be thankful for Ryan and what he does for me- rather I was going to make it a point to SHOW him how thankful I am for what he does for me. (I am not speaking pervertedly here either) Just "show" him by holding his hand more often, cooking his fave. meals more, and simply saying thanks. All of which, I had been slacking on.

The trip ended too soon and just in time- thats how I felt anyways. I wanted more, but I was SO ready to be home. I kind of took this weekend to relax and enjoy my hubby :) Its been awesome- I feel refreshed and refocused (HAHA emily) and ready to take on being a housewife and mother again.

Sometimes all you need is a little get away to throw things back into perspective.

A Pirate Looks at 50

Maeve in her Hula Girl outfit :)

Haha... Dad was trying to look drunk here.... truth is, that was his one and only margarita, and I'm pretty sure he didn't even finish it :/

Some of my dads brothers, friends and my hubby.

I made a landshark cake :) My dad making his big 50th wish!

Yesterday was my dads fiftieth birthday! My mom and I had been planning for a week or so, to have this awesome Jimmy Buffet birthday. My dad is probably a bigger JB fan than me.... so we wanted to go all out!
My dad is a contractor and works his BUTT off SEVEN days a week!!! He soooo deserved a night off!!! He called in his best friend from when he was a kid (hi Uncle Dave:), my mom and I invited a few "work" friends and of course we invited the whole fam damily. It was awesome! Besides the mishaps with the cake and the dog-- see post above this one-- it was truly a fun, FUN day. A great break from the monotony of things...
It was really just a huge cook out with all the works, but somehow pork products always taste better when you're outside and surrounded by lovely people. We did have quite the drink menu though, which at my parents house was this huge ordeal. My mom and dad don't drink- AT ALL. Never, ever I have seen them drink- except this one time when my mom was having a panic attack and I made her order a glass of wine- she made a stinky face the entire time she drank it. But my mom had made the comment to me that my dad had been craving a margarita for sometime now (uh... I think it had been 20+ years since his last drink??) so she thought for his big 5-0 that we should make margaritas. The only problem was she had no idea how- so she sought out my professional margarita making help. :) It was soooo funny- she wouldn't even BUY the stuff... I mean she gave me the money, but I actually had to put it in the cart and show my I.D. Then after we had the tequila she made me store it at my house (not to hide it from my dad, but just because she felt so wrong having it in her house!) Anyways, with the help of my mix master cousin Mallory, we made some awesome margaritas and sangria (which some of the guests enjoyed a little TOO much.. ha).
The party and the drinks were a hit and it was an awesome evening. The weather was perfect- we had Jimmy on the stereo, friends and family, and margaritas in hand. The only topper to our party would've been having Jim sitting there right with us- on a beach in Hawaii... in our dreams I guess.
My dad is the hardest working guy I know- he is selfless and honest. He is cool as a cucumber and rarely has a "bad day." He has a positive outlook on everything and can always make me smile even when my tears are streaming. He's the voice of reason when I'm completely losing it. He was my first "love" and the healer of all things :) To this day, if I have a car problem I call him first over Ryan! When I was in labor, I was going strong until he walked in- he held my hand and I cried (he had to look away because he said he couldn't see me like that). There's something about dads & daughters.... He is always willing to help us out and he'd do anything to see us happy. He's the best poppa to Maeve and I pray that she gets to know him well over the next couple of decades :) Like my grandma likes to say, "he's a blue mooner"... one in a million. Love you dad! Sail on sailor! :)