My Last Post of 2008

I don't really have anything significant to post about- but I figured I had to do an "official" end of the year post. I thought I would do some McKenney updates, facts, figures and such... and also talk about this past year- learning experiences, humbling moments and fun memories. For once, I am a bit lost for words- if you are a regular reader of mine, you know thats uncommon for me- I can ramble with the best of them! And I'm reminded by my sisters that my posts are often too long for them to read... (ADD anyone?) But as I write this, moments and days are coming into mind that I think are important to include in a "New Years" post. So... this will probably end up being "too long" for Meghan & Emily, but its my blog and well, here it goes:

Last year around this time I was struggling with some pretty intense anxiety. To be completely honest (and I'm banking on the fact that you will all read this judgement-free) I was "lit" on a bunch of anti-anxiety drugs. I've said it before, but my ativan pills are equivalent to 3 beers- I was allotted 4 a day- and I was taking full advantage of their sedating effects. So yup, there was a time- last year probably to the date- that I was "having" 12 beers a day... I am proud, VERY proud to say that I have not taken an Ativan since November 24th, 2008. Just about 6 weeks! Thanks to UMICH docs. for weaning me off of that stuff! I don't feel like a zombie anymore! :)

My weight: If you were to log onto facebook and look back over all the pictures that have been taken over the past year you'd definitely see some major fluctuations in my weight. Between switching anxiety meds. , dieting, NOT dieting, and stress my weight has been at a low of 110 and at a high of 135. Pretty huge fluctuations... its not too fun. But like I said, my wonderful UMICH docs. have me all evened out on anxiety meds. and I've been working out and eating healthily, so I am hoping to finally, FINALLY drop the weight in the correct way. And then of course, as soon as I get to my goal weight up will pop the positive preggo test, right? :)

ER visits: WOW I think its safe to say we are "frequent fliers" at the Foote Hospital (Allegiance) ER. Between Maeve and I, we've made 4 trips there this year. 2 for Maeve, 2 for me. Thankfully, with my anxiety getting under control, our ER trips will be cut down. But Maeve I'm sure is bound to surprise us this year with a few bumps and bruises...yikes.

In September of this year, I was completely humbled- what a rough month. I know we all need to be humbled and to feel our blessings, but September was really a nightmare. A very good friend gave birth to a stillborn baby girl- shock doesn't begin to describe what I felt when I got that phone call. And another "friend"- more of an acquaintance lost her son to a brain tumor. WOW- to say the least, I felt incredibly blessed and to be honest, guilty. Why some people have to experience such trauma and grief is something our Father only knows.

Here is some good news: I have completely and totally embraced motherhood and I feel incredibly confident in my mothering skills! :) I feel like I know my child like I know the back of my hand- I know what she wants, when she wants it. I also know whats best for her. Even if its not what is best for someone else's child, it may be what works for us. And that is totally acceptable to me. :) When I first had Maeve I would've trusted the "bag lady" on the street for parenting advice- I felt like I had given birth to an alien- not a human being :) Even though I had carried her for 10 months, she was foreign to me- I didn't know how to feed her, I didn't know how much to feed her, I didn't know her cries, I didn't know about medication dosages, I didn't know much about anything! And for a really, REALLY long time I trusted lots of other moms with advice- some was well given and much appreciated, other advice, not so much. And don't get me wrong, I still LOVE getting together with moms and talking and sharing info about our kids but I'm not so quick to adapt to someone else's parenting style. Again, I am confident with who I am as a mother. :) What a wonderful thing!

Lets see, Ryan- remember that guy? I hardly ever write about him! Poor guy! :) Honestly, its because we don't see each other- like literally- don't see each other. Between my work schedule and his, we're hardly ever in the house at the same time. And at night, Ryan's usually working on homework out in the kitchen and I'm either sleeping or blogging or doing something else completely thats lazy. But anyways, Ryan is great- he doesn't like his job, which reflects many times in his moods- not to say he's in bad moods all the time, but its sad because he'll come home from work just disappointed in the day. Luckily, he graduates in August and he will be in an entirely new area of work! YEA! We are looking forward to some good health coverage and better paychecks!

Vacations: Yes, we are notorious for taking vacations. What can I say? I would rather sacrifice food, water and shelter if that meant we could take a holiday! :) Thankfully, we don't need to sacrifice THAT much in order to take a few vacays a year. This year, Maeve and I went to Florida three times and once to New England. It was great! Ryan got to join us twice to Florida- Spring Break and our Disney trip in October. Like I've mentioned before, spring break is April 17th for us and we are counting down the days to sunshine and warmth.

Well, it isn't even close to midnight here in Michigan and to be honest, I am pretty sure I'll be knocked out within the next hour. But the new year will still be there to greet me in the morning... no need to ring it in I guess. :) Especially when you've got a baby who likes to wake up at 7.


OH- one quick last note- I am "CLAIMING" names this year- because there is a baby boom going on and I will honestly be devastated if either of these names are used by a good friend- sound selfish? Yeah, kind of but its New Years, I had diet coke for dinner and I'm sleeping next to my stinky boxer- I think I have a right to SOMETHING fun tonight! :) So...... some of you (probably most of you) may think to yourselves "Ashley I wouldn't use those names if I was on drugs and had a gun against my head" but I L-O-V-E them and will honestly be upset if someone "steals" them:) Henry and Shepherd (Shep) are the chosen names (at the moment) for our future, non-existent sons. Who knows if they will still be at the top of the list when the moment comes, and I also feel deep within me that we are destined to have all girls... BUT if we do have a boy, I am claiming those names!!! :)


Happy New Year everyone! I hope 2008 was great for you all and 2009 will be even better! God bless and peace out! :)

Peace, Love & Lobsters

Haha... so I am BACK from Boston- back with stories to tell and a refreshed look at life. Did you know a week in solitude (meaning no tv, internet, phone service, etc.) can do that to a person? For just about my entire life I've fallen asleep to a television and to be honest, I was terrified to go to sleep in dark silence... maybe because it would force me to think about things. Who knows, but for some reason the background of the tv seems to wash out any negative thoughts before bedtime. Negativity screws up your sleep... ANYWAYS, about New England!

SO MUCH FUN! The flight was awesome- very uneventful and short- just how I like 'em. We flew over Canada so I got to see Niagra falls from the plane which was pretty sweet. It looked like a giant whirlpool. We actually landed in Providence, RI. A small, lazy airport which was great because the last thing I needed were the lines and rudeness that Detroit metro has to offer. After we got our bags and weaved our way out the door and into my moms car, we were on our way into Boston. We stayed in Boston (downtown) for 3 days- it was awesome! I love cities :) I think I've talked about my obsession with airpots in a previous post but yeah, I love people and I love it when people are on agendas- thats usually what you find in big cities. LOTS of people in a hurry to get somewhere. And I love to be in places that don't sleep. We stayed in the Chinatown district the first night, which I loved- (we were RIGHT next to Tufts Medical). Boston is the perfect city- tons of history which always adds depth to a place, but completely modernized, and very clean. :) What a green city they are! The 2 other nights we moved on over to Cambridge (which is right across the St.Charles River). While in Boston, we saw all the touristy stuff and did a couple activities for the kids. (Alec & Maeve) We did the aquarium, the science musuem, we walked through the commons, etc. It was adorable because my grandma, who is from New England, knows Boston and all of its surrounding areas like the back of her hand. She was guiding us all over the place, telling us naughty stories of her drunken college days. She pointed out bars and would say stuff like "Oh Ashley! I've had many a martini there!" My personal fave. story was about how it used to be legal to drink and drive... we asked her, "So you were driving down the road with a beer in your hand?" And she said, "Well no, I didn't drink beer. It was probably a fifth of vodka." OH grams :)

We also took a drive up to New Hamp. to see my sis who is working at a camp in the middle of nowhere. It took about 4 hours to get there and I wasn't sure if we'd make it back. Those dang mountain roads are scary- I had to pop an ativan. (haha confession) But it was worth the drive- Meghan was in desperate need of some visitors and we got to see where she had been living for the summer. It was really beautiful and rainy and misty up there... It was so fresh and new feeling- I enjoyed it :)

The 3rd day we didn't do much Boston-y stuff. We pretty much took a walk, ate breakfast/lunch and drove to my Grandmas.
My grandma inherited her old house in Fairhaven, Mass. which just happens to be a quaint (very quaint) cottage right on the ocean. It was absolutely breathtaking- not the cottage but the ocean. I had been there as a kid, but I was so interested in all of that darn pioneer/plymouth rock crap that I missed out on the beauty of the ocean and the people. I LOVE the residents of Fairhaven- it was like being in the movie "Jaws" (which is a fave. of mine). I enjoy how they love their seafood, the Red Sox and the weather. Smile :)

We spent the week eating, sight seeing and reflecting- I say reflecting because after dinner there was absolutely NOTHING to do. There was one television but it was constantly inhabited by my little brother and it wasn't worth the fight to try and get him to change the channel off of "Hannah Montana." (haha soooo called him out on that one!!!! He's got a big 'ole crush on Miley!) Anyways, I was in this tiny room that had ceilings so low that I (yes 5"2) me hit my head on probably 4 times a day. But I have to say it was so peaceful at night, listening to my ipod and thinking of "things." I won't be specific about every thought I had- (not that my thoughts are very interesting... they're just my own I guess). I thought lots of Ryan and our relationship and the love sleeping next to me. It had been a LONG time since I had been away from him for that long, and I CRAZY missed him. I came to the conclusion that I couldn't be a single mom. And I prayed every night (oh yeah thats another thing- I got a long prayer in every night- undisturbed by tv or people) that God would never do that to me- make me a single mom. I thought about having more babies... I thought a lot about my parenting skills- what I want to improve on and what I think I have mastered. Patience is something I desperately want and NEEEEED. Especially with Maeve :) Sweet bugger- she is such a pistol. Constantly defying me and pushing the limits... and she is only 10 months old! Yikes. I thought how its funny that for almost 10 years I've been madly in love with the same person. And how I truly believe there is one person for everyone- God gave me Ryan so early and its been such a tough journey to get where we are today (not that we're in this perfect place) that I wonder why we couldn't have met later in life. But thats all water under the bridge... I thought about how when I got back I was going to be thankful for Ryan and what he does for me- rather I was going to make it a point to SHOW him how thankful I am for what he does for me. (I am not speaking pervertedly here either) Just "show" him by holding his hand more often, cooking his fave. meals more, and simply saying thanks. All of which, I had been slacking on.

The trip ended too soon and just in time- thats how I felt anyways. I wanted more, but I was SO ready to be home. I kind of took this weekend to relax and enjoy my hubby :) Its been awesome- I feel refreshed and refocused (HAHA emily) and ready to take on being a housewife and mother again.

Sometimes all you need is a little get away to throw things back into perspective.

I'm Off... with LOTS Of Hesitation

YIKKKKKES!!! I leave for Boston tomorrow morning bright and early, just me and the babe. I am scared to death. My little sister Emily is coming but we're not sitting next to each other on the flight, and to be honest (sorry emily but its the truth!) when it comes to helping out, she isn't the greatest! haha... totally called her out. SORRY! :)
Anyways I will be gone 1 week Friday-Friday. And its gonna be a LOOOONNNG 1 week. At first I was really excited about the trip, but as its gotten closer, I've been having tons of reservations about it. I am sad to be gone from Ryan for that long (I know pathetic. a week right? I gotta get over that one!)I am TERRIFIED of flying with Maeve alone, and my one piece of sanity that I was taking with me was the NEW laptop which is now sitting on the living room floor in a box, getting ready to be shipped back because its BROKEN! The cottage that we're staying at has no phone, no tv, no ac. I feel like a castaway :(
Well wish me luck- pray that I make it there in one piece. And don't think I'm snubbing you if I haven't responded on facebook all week, cause I'm OUTTTTA HERE!
I'll post pics when I get back! SEEEEEE YA!

Jack Johnson

OH MY GOSH! He was so amazing and perfect!!! Well actually he screwed up a few songs- chords, I guess you would say, but it was really cute when he did. Thats when you know someone is REALLY cute- when they mess up and its like "Awwww." Jack sang ALL my fave. songs (well minus 2) and then some! He covered a couple songs that were grrrreat.
But of course as in any journey I ever have, there were some mishaps along the way... First off, I totally missed Mason Jennings (he was one of JJs openers) I was standing in the NON- EXISTENT line to get a t-shirt. I say non-existent because it was this giant MASS of people crowding around a t-shirt booth, all shoving and pushing their way to the front. There was no order, it was chaos! Then while, Annie, Ryan, Emily and I were all standing there, MISSING Mason Jennings, this lady has the nerve to turn around and tell us that we were creating our own line. Of course being the snappy, feisty gal that I am (especially after a margarita) I snapped her a "look" (Ryan says I'm famous for those) and said "Well I really don't think there is a line- this is just a huge crowd of people." She tried to ignore it, but the whole rest of the time in line, Annie, Emily and I carried on about how there was no line to buy a tee, how we were all simply shoving our way to the front. Haha the snobby woman was pissed...
Then we went and sat down- we had amazing seats!!!!!! And the time was fast approaching for Jack Johnson to come on the stage. Well, my tummy started to feel a bit funny... I was trying to think, "Is it nerves? (I do get really star struck! one time I saw the local dj here in town and I was too nervous to talk to him- and I don't even LIKE him!) Or did I eat something bad?" The pain was getting worse and worse but I was like "HECK NO" I am not missing a minute of this! So I stuck it out until he played this song, "Bubble Toes," which is like my anthem... its what my shirt was constructed about. Anyways, I was jumping all over the place and moving like a jellyfish (thats what it says to do in the song- "Move like a jellyfish...") and as soon as that song was over I was like "Guys I gotta go- NOW." So I took my ticket and raced up to the bathroom where I waited in the longest line EVER (well I guess not as long as the t-shirt line, but it was pretty dang long). The whole while, I thought I was going to lose it- I wasn't sure out of which end, but something was going to go very wrong if I didn't get into a stall immediately. Well finally a stall opened up- of COURSE it was the one right in front of the long line- so everyone can hear ya know? Well I got SO SICK. Puked up all my yum yum dinner from the Rainforest Cafe. I stayed in there for like 10 minutes to make sure I was all done, and then ran (yes RAN) back to the concert. I felt a little funny the whole rest of the night.... So to conclude, I am not sure if I got sick because of nerves or because of something I ate, or what- maybe a combination of the two. But of all nights to blahhhh, why jack johnson??? Because it was so hard to try and be cool after that...
Oh yeah, one more note- our dear friend Annie, who came to the concert with us developed this serious case of hives. It was horrible! She had them everywhere! Poor girl... and she was itching like a banshee... it didn't make it any worse that we were stuck in traffic for about 45 minutes.
Anyways, all in all, an awesome night. I'm in love... for the 3rd time I guess... and Ryan doesn't even mind because he has a total man crush on him too. (sorry Ryan for calling you out, but you know its true.)

-note- I refound my pink lei from my jimmy buffett concert so I decided to wear it to JJ's but leis weren't such a hit there... not like at Jimmy's.